Rio Grande Valley

I-69 Signs Along I-59: No, It's Not a Clever Joke. Stop Giggling.

Whenever I think of U.S. 59, I think of constant gridlock from Shepherd through the 288/I-45 interchange, the flat, treeless drive to Ft. Bend County and the piney woods of east Texas, in all its glory. It is a unique stretch of road that runs from Mexico well into Missouri. Oh, sure, it changes num ... More >>

Rockets Could Get a Lot Closer to the Playoffs Tonight

It always shocks me that over the course of 82 games, teams could remain so close that it comes right down to the wire, yet, virtually every season, that is the case. With Portland and Dallas essentially falling off the map, there are five teams left fighting for the final four spots in the Western ... More >>

Stillborn Baby Delivered to Funeral Home Frozen in a Bucket, Lawsuit Says

The parents of a stillborn child are suing a hospital after they say it delivered the child's corpse to a funeral home frozen in an open bucket. Maritza and Joel Lievanos sued Valley Baptist Health System over what the suit says is "the horrific experience of finding her son's body in a bucket." Th ... More >>

Rockets World: Tough Loss, Royce White a Viper, Jeremy Lin Does ESPN (with Videos)

It's been a strange week for the Rockets. They obliterated two Western Conference playoff contenders, tying an NBA record for three-pointers in one of the games, lost to the NBA champs and a really bad team on the road even if Jeremy Lin did drop a posterizing dunk during the game, saw the return of ... More >>

Valley Man Caught Molesting Neighbor's Dog

Last week a man in the Rio Grande Valley caught one of his neighbors trespassing in his kennel, diddling his dog. It happened last Tuesday in the town of San Juan. San Juan Police Department Sgt. Rudy Luna said Jose Angel Hernandez, 54, was spotted by the homeowner when he got up to feed his pooch ... More >>

Comment of the Day: Canadian Threat, Eh?

We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning or afternoon from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula i ... More >>

ACLU Wants Answers in DPS Shooting of Unarmed Men From a Helicopter During Chase

The ACLU of Texas wants state officials to investigate a Department of Public Safety sharpshooter's killing of two unarmed men during an intense chase Thursday in the Rio Grande Valley. The DPS agent was in a helicopter that was pursuing a pickup truck occupied by suspected illegal immigrants. Thre ... More >>

Morrissey Postpones Remainder of U.S. Tour, Including Beaumont

Morrissey's ailing mother has forced the singer to postpone his entire North American tour, according to promoter C3 Presents. The former Smiths front man and popular if mopey solo artist has already flown back to England to be with his mum. Earlier this week, several dates in the Midwest were post ... More >>

Mom Goes Undercover to Take Down Choir Teacher / Would-Be Facebook Child Predator

A Rio Grande Valley middle school choir teacher was arrested after a mom caught him trying to arrange a sexual encounter with her 12-year-old daughter via Facebook. According to Valleycentral.com, the mom had allowed her daughter to have a Facebook page on the condition that she have total access ... More >>

Crystal Martinez, Alicia Martinez, and Tina Marie Trevino: Brownsville Women Accused in Beatdown, Sexual Assault of Love Rival

UPDATED AFTER THE JUMP....Two Rio Grande Valley women were jailed and a third is on the run after police accused the trio of beating and sexually assaulting a woman who "stole" one of their boyfriends. According to Valleycentral.com, the trouble started Thursday night at a nightclub in Brownsville' ... More >>

Know Your Local Media: Col. St. James on the Texas Radio Hall of Fame and Naked Strippers on the KLOL Console

Getting into the Texas Radio Hall of Fame is a big deal when you consider the company includes Wolfman Jack and George Carlin among others. One local dee jay, Colonel St. James of 93.7 the Arrow, is among them. He has been on air since the 1970s and has worked at just about every rock and roll stati ... More >>

Gilberto Montezano: Valley Cop Avoids Jail After Shaking Down Motorist For Beer

For the third time since August, a cop in the Rio Grande Valley town of Edinburg has been terminated and faced criminal charges for varied forms of corruption. In the most recent case, in April of last year, 30-year-old Gilberto Montezano pulled over a truck driven by Miguel Guzman and evidently to ... More >>

Seven Arrested With 1,600 Pounds of Pot

No Mary-Louise Parker, just a lot of dudes​Seven men have been arrested and 1,600 pounds of weed taken on the northwest side of town, the U.S. Attorney's Office says. The men had transported the weed from the Rio Grande Valley to the 13200 block of Reeveston. They unloaded it there and re-loa ... More >>

She-Male Porn Pics Come to Fore in Valley Cop Election

No comment.​A South Texas county constable election turned smutty last week when one candidate texted his opponent several graphic images of "she-male porn." Cameron County Precinct 4 Constable Robert Lopez was on the receiving end of the chicks with dicks images sent by electoral foe Joe Rod ... More >>

Robert Alvarez: TV-Star Gang Cop Accused of Inmate Sex, Abuse of Power, Theft

If the producers of the History Channel's documentary series Gangland are to be trusted, Edinburg police investigator Robert Alvarez was one of the top cops in the Rio Grande Valley. The 47-year-old was tapped as a starring talking head in Gangland's episode on the Tri-City Bombers, the Valley's mos ... More >>

Drunken Wee-Hours Whataburger Drive-Thrus: A Proud Texas Tradition

I'll take a Whatachicken with fries and a large vodka.​Shamefully, all too many of us have been there: out in the bars since happy hour, it's now a quarter-past closing time. We stagger to the car and suddenly remember we haven't eaten a thing other than beer nuts since lunch. Hunger cuts thro ... More >>

Oscar Gonzalez Jr.: Valley Teacher in Hot Water After Marriage to Lolita Turns Sour

The Grand Plaza, in all its grandness​Just in time for the run-up to Valentine's Day comes this tale of romance vengeance from the Rio Grande Valley... In April of 2009, love bloomed in a science classroom at Economedes High School in Edinburg. The girl, named "Ms. G" in the police reports th ... More >>

Texas Catfight Videos: Ferocious Filmed McAllen Brawl Bests Beaumont Battles

Well, Beaumont, your reign as Capital of Texas Catfights was short. Not ten days after the wide publicizing of the long-running BMT Brawlz series of DVDs and the debut of the now nationally-infamous Chuck E. Cheese Throwdown, a new champion has emerged. After you see it, we think you'll agree with ... More >>

Anthony Ray Ferrell, The Good Samaritan Killer: Third Escapee From His Halfway House In 20 Months

Photo courtesy HPD Victim Sam Irick and his alleged killer Anthony Ray Ferrell​The man charged with killing a Good Samaritan during a purse-snatching is the third person to escape the same state-contracted halfway house in the last 20 months.Anthony Ray Ferrell had fled a "halfway house in ... More >>

Linda Rosales and Jessica Rosales: Fail In Scheme To Use Kid's Breath To Fool Breathalyzer

Cameron County SOLinda Rosales: Where's mother's little helper?​We've all been there before: we've driven to a party and gotten shit-faced. And then we've been faced with a dilemma: How best to get you and all your kids home?It's especially hard when the damn law has ordered that your car be fitte ... More >>

Tiffany Young-Hartley: Plot In Mexican Lake Pirate Murder Thickens As Body Proves Hard To Find

Tiffany Young-Hartley: Questions​October certainly came in like a lion for residents of the Rio Grande Valley. On October 1, news broke of the alleged murder of an American jet-skier on border-straddling, allegedly freshwater-pirate-infested Falcon Lake. A recap for those who don't want to clic ... More >>

Maria Ipina: Valley Cops Say Toddler Caught Peddling Weed Door-to-Door

First rule, kid: Don't take nothing but cash​Even the most grizzled cops in the Rio Grande Valley town of San Juan say this is a new one for them, and that's saying something.They say they have had to remove a four-year-old girl from her home after neighbors complained that the pre-kindergartener ... More >>

Illegal Immigration: What Bikini Babes Have To Say About It

But those damn aliens can't read English!!!​ The controversy over immigration into America has been discussed ad nauseam on TV, op-ed columns and books, but it is perhaps best dealt with via the medium of bikini-babe posters.At least that's the thinking of one Alan Sessarego, of Gettysburg, PA. Se ... More >>

Jesus Campos, Daniel Garcia and Julio Cantu: Valley Gang Fails Attempted Crime Spree

The Fail is strong in these younglings​You'd think the three Rio Grande Valley teenagers might have realized it wasn't their night after their second attempt at an armed robbery failed. You would underestimate the persistence of this Borderlands gang that couldn't shoot straight.Fail #1: It all st ... More >>

Stoner Follies: Adan Toca, Apparent Cheech and Chong Fan, Is A Stoner's Favorite Ice Cream Man

Photo courtesy Mission PDA guy named Toca does weed. Go figure​Whoever said life imitates art was no liar. What's funny is how often life in Texas can imitate "high" art - namely Cheech and Chong movies. Take this tale, from Mission in the Rio Grande Valley... This Tuesday, a 34-year-old man na ... More >>

Minutemen Get Their Wish: Tomorrow Will Be A "Day Without Mexicans" In The Valley

The Valley gets ready for a reprise of this​We're guessing this isn't going to work out as hoped: The chambers of commerce of several Mexican border towns are calling on residents to stay out of the U.S. tomorrow.That'll teach Arizona to pass a restrictive illegal-alien law, is the thinking. On th ... More >>

Valley Weekend Mayhem Proves God, Intoxicants, And Knives Don't Mix

Photo courtesy Hidalgo Co Sheriff's Office​Catholicism, knives, and intoxicants proved to be a potent stew in two incidents in and around the Rio Grande Valley town of Edinburg over the weekend. One is kind of funny... When Hidalgo County police found 20-year-old Agustin Casanova hiding in a ... More >>

Big Brother Is Watching You Buy Cellophane

​Police in the Rio Grande Valley have a new tactic in the war against pot smugglers: staking out office supply stores. In three cases since last November, suspects have been followed after making large purchases of cellophane. Here's more on the most recent case, from Valleycentral.com. U. ... More >>

The "Circus Superstar" With The Foul-Smelling Menagerie, Part 1

​While Caroline Wedding has only been running the Marion County Humane Society for about three years, she has already been on plenty of animal-cruelty raids, and has helped find better homes for hundreds of dogs, cats and exotic birds. Still, she thinks it's unlikely she will ever come across some ... More >>

Valley Of Viagra And Vengeance: Did Septuagenarian Sex For Pay At Edinburg Adult Day-Care Lead To Two Deaths?

Note: Any resemblance to actual Pride and Joy nurses is coincidental. And highly unlikely.​Maybe there's a little too much Viagra coursing through the Rio Grande Valley these days. How else is there to explain this crime of passion at the Pride and Joy adult day care center last week in Edinburg? ... More >>

Not So Clear Cut

What are you really eating when you order fajitas in a Tex-Mex restaurant?

Pittsburgh/Arizona Fusion Cuisine: Fried Bologna Migas

Not that I'm thinking about theme food for a football game or anything, but what about this for an inspired Rust Belt/Sun Belt fusion dish? My family is from Pittsburgh, so I associate the foods I ate in my youth with the Iron City. And I ate a lot of fried bologna and scrambled eggs. My father, ... More >>

Squeeze Play: Texas Valley Lemons

I always buy a sack of Valley lemons along with my red grapefruit on the way home from the Lower Rio Grande Valley during the citrus season. The not very tart lemons are wonderful to cook with. But I was never quite clear on the botanical details. "Valley lemons are a cross between a lemon and an ... More >>

An Algae Farm Near The Ship Channel? Why The Hell Not?

You know what the Ship Channel area needs?Besides a whole lot less pollution, we mean.It needs a good farm. An algae farm, in fact. That's the thinking of a Nevada company, which has announced plans to build a 20-acre algae farm near the Channel if it can get some financing from the federal governem ... More >>

DICK CHENEY INDICTED!! (Kinda)

The long arm of Rio Grande Valley justice has reached out and nabbed....Dick Cheney? Yes, apparently. A grand jury has indicted the vice-president this afternoon. Hasn't the stature of limitations passed on "accidentally" shooting innocent bystanders? It turns out that it's not the shooting, it's ... More >>

Friends Don't Let Friends Buy Guns For Friends

Immigration: The Boss Nun

Cubans at a Rio Grande Valley shelter say Sister Margaret is taking advantage

All in All It’s Just Another Brick

Border Fence May Destroy Wildlife Habitat

U.S. Fish and Wildlife services spent $80 million to reclaim wildlife habitat in South Texas. Now Homeland Security is ready to wipe that out.

What the Ice Ages Couldn’t Finish Off, the Feds May

Shorthanded

Foreign pickers aren't getting through the post-9/11 barricades to harvest U.S. crops

Ballet Aid

Brutal Harvest

Dang, You've Got Skills!

Show 'em off at a midnight screening of Napoleon Dynamite

Sino-Tex

Two little restaurants serve up “Houstonized” Chinese food

Cancún Cuisine

Take a little trip to Cascadas Cantina y Restaurante

Cattle Call

Boozing with a few aggrieved bad seeds at the American Idol audition

Letters

Boiled by Oil, Try Gas Station Work, Rollin' with Ralph

Mama's Got a Brand-new Bag

Mama Ninfa brings home fajitas

Hot Plate

La Flor Taqueria