Subject:

Ryan Seacrest

  • Blogs

    March 26, 2013

    So We're Twerking In Unicorn Suits Now, Are We?

    I suppose if you're going to post a twerking video taken while you're wearing your footy pajamas, they should be of the unicorn variety. It makes the whole thing more magical. In case you've been living under a rock (or have a job that requires you to do more than watch YouTube videos all day), Mil ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 19, 2013

    How to Survive the Harlem Shake Meme (Now with Air-Humpers)

    Dear Internet Friends, Please do not post one more damn video of you, your dog, or your grandmother doing the Harlem Shake. You've spammed my Facebook with videos of you shaking your goods in a Power Ranger costume, holding some sort of very phallic pool noodle. We shouldn't know each other that ... More >>

  • Blogs

    August 1, 2012

    Dear Olympics: More Nudity And/Or Violence, Please

    "We live in a cynical world, a cynical, cynical world..." said a very smart man once. Maybe it was Nietzsche, or Elmer Fudd. Artifacts like the Olympics -- both the summer and winter variety -- have grown boring and stale. TV giant NBC is getting torn to shreds for including haircut Ryan Seacrest ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 4, 2012

    How Bizarre: How the Hell Are These Songs All 15 Years Old?

    "Simple. Fifteen years have gone by." Nineteen ninety-seven may have been one of the most magical years in trash-pop history. You had the Spice Girls, Hanson, Shania Twain, Puff Daddy, Toni Braxton and Aqua burning up the radio as old-timers like David Bowie, Fleetwood Mac and Elton John made retu ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 27, 2012

    Happy 80th Birthday, Casey Kasem: At Least We Still Have You

    Last week the world mourned the loss of famed television producer, idol maker and eternal teenager Dick Clark, who suffered a massive heart attack and died at the age of 82. Today, one of his contemporaries, Casey Kasem, turns 80 years old. The Lebanese vegan has logged more than 50 years of broad ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 18, 2012

    Dick Clark, Rock & Roll Benefactor, Dead At 82

    Television producer, idol maker, and eternal teenager Dick Clark has died today at the age of 82 from a massive heart attack, TMZ is reporting. Clark's show American Bandstand helped foster rock and roll's development through its early years, and later he branched out into other television franchis ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 18, 2012

    Who Is Dick Clark?: The Twitter World Wants To Know...

    Famed television host and "world's oldest teenager" Dick Clark has passed away at age 82, due to a massive heart attack. The longtime host of American Bandstand and ABC's New Year's Rockin' Eve lived a storied life, introducing millions of kids to pop music, while also hosting various game shows on ... More >>

  • Blogs

    July 27, 2011

    Justin Bieber, Britney Spears Tweeting to Help Houston Family

    Das Bieberino is on the case!! Justin Bieber, Britney Spears and other celebrities (and some wanna-be celebrities) are tweeting in support of Houston kids whose parents were killed in a West texas car crash. Two of the three Berry children are paralyzed from the waist down. ​

  • Blogs

    July 14, 2011

    Ryan Seacrest Begets a Music Festival... And The Apocalypse

    Mason Lankford said, "There will come a day when we forget the Rapture ever even happened," but Rocks Off is keeping an eye out for signs of our impending Armageddon. We were wrong last time, but we're totally right this time! Jyle Dupuis​Ryan Seacrest is a towering figure in the entertainmen ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 20, 2011

    Idol Beat: Haley Freezes Over

    Suspenders with heels? What were you thinking?​In addition to going on the Idol tour, one of the "perks," if you want to call it that, of making it to the Top 13 or whatever is that you get to come back and sit in the audience during the final selection. I only point this out because of the nu ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 5, 2011

    Idol Beat: Not So Fast, Five

    Winter is coming... Wait, wrong show.​Dear American Idol: I don't like you - I think that's been pretty well established at this point - and I know you don't like me, otherwise you wouldn't still be dragging along for 90 minutes on Wednesday even though there are only five contestants left, a ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 8, 2011

    Idol Beat: Told You So

    ​Admittedly, I didn't think she'd go this quickly, but I always knew Pia was toast. I said as much last week when discussing the stranglehold pre-adolescent female voters have on the show. Why else have only three females made the top five the last three seasons? Was Lee DeWyze really better t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 25, 2011

    Idol Beat: Mass Hysteria!

    ​Shock! Outrage! Shenanigans! Casey Abrams voted off! Last night, American Idol had all the signs of the Apocalypse rolled into one (all the Ghostbusters ones, anyway). Dogs and cats living together? Well, James Durbin is like a big puppy dog, and Pia has a certain cattiness about her. Check. ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 11, 2011

    Idol Beat: The First Of The Fallen

    Fox​American Idol, the show that dares answer the question: "Who or what the hell is 'Diddy Dirty-Money?'" Ryan Seacrest kicks the show off by introducing our "beloved finalists," and I couldn't help but think of Rick's line from Casablanca ("They're not particularly my beloved finalists"). T ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 4, 2011

    Idol Beat: Brought To You By The Church Of Scientology

    ​I thought I imagined it at first, or was suffering the onset of hallucinations brought upon by sleep deprivation, strong drink, and three consecutive nights of watching Steven Tyler undress the audience with his eyes. But for maybe the first time since Season 10 of Idol began, I actually rewo ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 3, 2011

    Idol Beat: Some Girls

    ​I missed most of last night's introduction because I was still trying to get my head around how they're going to milk tonight's selection show for two freaking hours. American Idol is just another example of domestic ineffeciency: take what should be -- at best -- a thirty minute program and ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 25, 2011

    Idol Beat: The Dirty Two Dozen

    ​The fallout from Jennifer Lopez's Wednesday night freakout only ate up about ten minutes of last night's show. At least, that's how much it looked like as I was fast-forwarding my DVR. You've got to hand that much the producers of American Idol, they can milk even the most trivial of incident ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 24, 2011

    Idol Beat: I'm About To Have A Nervous Breakdown

    ​My head really hurts...sorry, after last night's shenanigans, I couldn't help breaking out the Black Flag. Have you ever had one of those really bad nightmares, the kind that is so horrifying it wakes you up multiple times during the night? And even though your subconscious is trying to offe ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 18, 2011

    Idol Beat: I Am The Smartest Man Alive

    ​Sure, I admit it: I felt like an idiot calling my shot yesterday and putting all my money on Ashley Sullivan, only to watch her melt down during the final Hollywood round. What a fool I was, I thought, there's no way the judges will pass her after that utter mental breakdown. No. Way. Never ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 3, 2011

    Idol Beat: Austin, So Much To Answer For

    ​Rocks Off would like to apologize for last week's outrageous behavior by Pete Vonder Haar. He has been warned, and assures us he will never compare Marc Anthony to an extra from Dawn of the Dead again. Steven Tyler dropped an F-bomb on this week's audition episode, which definitely warrants ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 28, 2011

    Idol Beat: Viva Nash Vegas

    ​I was randomly scrolling back through past Idol Beats last night, doing my best to ignore mentally unbalanced dental hygienist Christine McCaffrey's butchering of "I Hope You Dance," when I realized something. The American Idol beat for Rocks Off is basically the Defense Against the Dark Arts ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 20, 2011

    Idol Beat: Here We Go Again...

    ​Finally, after months of anticipation (or dread, depending on your pain tolerance), the new and *cough* "improved" American Idol made its debut. At long last we can start to put an end to the speculation about the show's 10th season: will Jennifer Lopez out-diva Ryan Seacrest? Can the show su ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 30, 2010

    Looking to Ring In the New Year at a Restaurant?

    chicagofoodwhores.com​Sick of lame parties and crowded bars and a night that rarely lives up to its billing? Can't bear the thought of another New Year's Eve with Ryan Seacrest? Need a place to grab a bite before hitting the dancefloor? It's been a hard year, Houston. Why not ease your way i ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 2, 2010

    Day Of The [Digital] Dead

    No! Not...that guy!​Yesterday was the 23rd annual World AIDS Day, dedicated to raising awareness about HIV/AIDS and remembering those who have succumbed to the disease. It's a sobering occasion. Over 25 million have died of the disease since 1981, and some 33 million live with the infection n ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 17, 2010

    What Rhymes With Anahuac? We Ask The Rapping Weatherman

    Nick Kosir, Beaumont's Rapping Weatherman, has a posse​We wrote about Beaumont's rapping weatherman Nick Kosir last week, and as we mentioned then, we weren't the first to do so. ESPN2's Sports Nation, The Huffington Post and the ever-illustrious Ryan Seacrest have all recognized Kosir for his ... More >>

  • Blogs

    June 9, 2010

    Beaumont Weatherman Busts Rhyme; Ryan Seacrest Approves

    ​ Somebody call Swishahouse. Rocks Off has spent a fair amount of time in the Golden Triangle over the years, and the live-music options in the greater Beaumont-Port Arthur area are usually somewhat limited. In the next couple of weeks, for example, if you're not a fan of Pat Green, hillbilly hard ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 21, 2010

    Glee: Tonight At McKinley High School: Everyone Gets Laid

    ​It's fitting that the Madonna episode would feature not one, not two, but three cherry popping story arcs: Rachel deciding to give herself to Jesse, Finn submitting to Santana's years of experience, and Emma peeling off the cardigan for Will. That only one of the three actually went through w ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 11, 2010

    Idol Beat: Hell Hollywood Week Continues

    "Welcome back to Hell Week," Ryan Seacrest intoned at the top of last night's American Idol. It's pretty ballsy for a singing competition show to compare itself to SEAL training, since I'm pretty sure none of these kids will be carrying logs or dealing with being drowned. But that's just what Holl ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 11, 2010

    American Idol: Hell Hollywood Week Continues

    "Welcome back to Hell Week," Ryan Seacrest intoned at the top of last night's American Idol. It's pretty ballsy for a singing competition show to compare itself to SEAL training, since I'm pretty sure none of these kids will be carrying logs or dealing with being drowned. But that's just what Holl ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 21, 2010

    Idol Beat: Orlando Is Far from the Magic Kingdom

    ​Last night's American Idol was the fourth audition episode of Season 9 (and if you think we're almost done with the cattle-call phase, you are in for a broken heart). I cannot stress enough the unreality of the show and the brilliant way it uses editing to mess with the viewer's concept of time. ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 21, 2010

    American Idol: Orlando Is Far from the Magic Kingdom

    ​Last night's American Idol was the fourth audition episode of the ninth season (and if you think we're almost done with the cattle call phase, you are in for a broken heart). I cannot stress enough the unreality of the show and the brilliant way it uses editing to mess with the viewer's conce ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 14, 2010

    Pop Rocks: American Idol -- What The Hell Is Wrong With You People?

    ​The ninth season of America's national karaoke showcase -- also known as American Idol -- premiered last Tuesday. The show that has contributed such legends as Jordin Sparks and Taylor Hicks to the world of music continues to chug along in spite of the absence of original judge Paula Abdul and th ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 13, 2010

    Idol Beat: Here We Go Again...

    Last night's guest judge: a bobblehead doll Victoria Beckham​I've never watched a whole season of American Idol before, but that's a minor detail. Actually watching this show doesn't seem to be necessary to know as much about it as the most devoted fans: Amateur singers judges = quasi-drama. ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 13, 2010

    American Idol: It Begins

    Last night's guest judge: a bobblehead doll Victoria Beckham​I've never watched a whole season of American Idol before, but that's a minor detail. Actually watching this show doesn't seem to be necessary to know as much about it as the most devoted fans: Amateur singers judges = quasi-drama. ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 4, 2010

    This Week In TV: The Return of 24 and American Idol, Fox's Advertising Revenue

    It's the middle of winter, we're about to get new shows, and this is the year I make contact. This was the week in TV Land. • So, New Year's happened. This was my first year not to ring it in with a regular party of friends who get dangerously drunk and watch the ball drop on Telemundo. But my ... More >>

  • Blogs

    December 28, 2009

    This Week In TV: Joss Whedon Is A Free Man

    It's been nice knowing you, Dollhouse. Now how about that Serenity sequel, Whedon?​It's way too cold outside, I can't believe I'm back at work, and I've already braved one after-Christmas sale. This was the week in TV Land: • I watched the finale of The Sing-Off. That's how little there was ... More >>

  • Blogs

    October 15, 2009

    Halloween Countdown: How Best To Go For The `90s-Nostalgia Look

    Halloween is coming, and that means many, many costuming mistakes will be made by normally sane adults. To help stop this scourge, each Thursday we will be offering tips and analysis of what to avoid, or possibly what to do. Check out past entries here and here. If VH1 has taught us nothing else, it ... More >>

  • Blogs

    May 14, 2009

    Idol Beat: The Top Three Results

    Photos by Frank Micelotta/ Fox Homeward Bound: Danny Gokey's exit didn't prompt a whole lot of tears."I think we've had enough suspense, enough commercials - let's just get to it." This is what Danny Gokey told Ryan Seacrest, and, by proxy, America. We were in agreeance - Wednesday night's s ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 29, 2009

    Idol Beat: The Top Five

    That Jamie Foxx, right? A Rennaisance man if there ever was one: the guy's a comedic genius (see In Living Color; tons of flicks), a big-screen leading man, credible action star, R&B champion - plus, as it turns out, he's a natural at mentoring American Idol hopefuls. I wouldn't have figured on ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 8, 2009

    Idol Beat: The Top Eight

    Photos by Michael Becker/ Fox Front runner: Adam Lambert, American Idol's likely last man standing.Long before being voted in as California's current governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger starred in a popular sci-fi action movie called Predator. The specifics of the plot aren't important, but the u ... More >>

  • Blogs

    April 1, 2009

    Idol Beat: The Top Nine

    Fox Scott McIntyre: Don't go changin'...Remember last week's requiem for the Sarvernator? Turns out that Anoop - Season 8's Great Dork Hope - is in the same damn leaky boat: a phenom before the judges, a lamestain when serenading America. His put-on Usher turn last night cemented his unworthy ... More >>

  • Blogs

    March 27, 2009

    Idol Beat: The Top Ten Results

    Photos by Frank Micelotta/ Fox Songs in the Key of Idol: Stevie Wonder performs Thursday night.I dare you. I double-dog dare you. Try not to break out into a toothy, mile-wide grin while watching Stevie Wonder command a stage, loop-de-looping through a handful of his zillions of classics in t ... More >>

  • Blogs

    February 12, 2009

    Idol Beat, Part 1: More Hollywood Week

    Photos courtesy FoxYou thought the funeral was over? You thought all those tears were dried up? You were wrong, my friends - so very, very wrong. Aye, verily, the bloodletting continued unabated as Hollywood Week wound down. Hey, Ryan Seacrest warned us at the outset: "The stakes are as high ... More >>

  • Blogs

    January 13, 2009

    American Idol Returns Tonight... Yawn

    Come back Kelly Clarkson, all is forgiven... If you've been lucky enough to spend the past several months in a media-deprivation tank - or maybe you just don't read the Houston Chronicle - then you no doubt know Fox's shrill-singing flagship series American Idol returns tonight at 7 p.m. (As ... More >>

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    April 9, 2008
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    February 1, 2008
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    September 21, 2007
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    June 15, 2006
  • Best of Houston

    September 23, 2004
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    January 22, 2004

    Gut Buster

    The sun is shining on Ralphie May, and he's making hay

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