Santa Claus

John Royal's Christmas Wish List

Sanity Claus: Separating Holiday-Music Gifts from Seasonal Disorders

Slideshow: HEB Thanksgiving Day Parade in Downtown Houston

Low-riders, art cars, SpongeBob, Santa Claus, D-list celebs, marching bands, stick-fighting Sikhs and plump Shriners in souped-up go-carts -- where else could it be but the HEB Thanksgiving Day Parade? And although we lack quality photographic proof -- amazingly, even Sheila Jackson Lee was there. ... More >>

Black Santa for Black Friday

If there's one thing we know for sure, it's that The Man wants to control every aspect of American culture - including how we celebrate Christmas. The Man made Jesus white, even though J.C. was born in the mid-east. The three wise men? White, white, and white. Frosty the Snowman? Yup, you guessed it ... More >>

An Hour in Sunny 99.1's Holiday Hell

Band Aid: Do they know it's Christmastime at all? Most people I know hate Sunny 99.1, but not me. And I should really hate it. Any radio station supported by the American Dental Association has to suck. But every time I listen to it, I either hear something so corny and half-baked that I can't tur ... More >>

What's Not To Like About Hanukkah? Lots

Christmas is approaching, which means it's time for gentiles the country over to condescendingly recognize the existence of one of the least significant Jewish holidays - the frustratingly spelled Hanukkah.While it's certainly nice to wish others well during their respective holidays, Hair Balls bel ... More >>

Santa Claus Round-Up: The Galleria Stop

This and every Christmas season the most important person is the baby Jesus, with a bearded, white-haired toy factory owner coming in a close second. Every year we flock to the malls to sit in our kids down on Santa's lap. Sometimes they run off screaming, while others take to the old guy just like ... More >>

Five Christmas Movies Guaranteed To Get Rid Of Unwanted Guests

Holiday season is in full swing, and soon our homes will be filled with family members we've been successfully avoiding for the last 11 months, many of whom will wear out their welcomes before their Members Only jacket hits the pile on the bed. We in the media may be secular humanists with no regar ... More >>

Retro Active: The Five Worst '80s Christmas Songs

OK, sure, the truly worst '80s Christmas songs are doubtlessly "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" and Band Aid's (above) "Do They Know It's Christmas?" But everyone knows this. However, there were many other holiday songs released during the '80s that nearly reached such heights of crapulence ... More >>

Dueling Santas

OK, sure, the truly worst '80s Christmas songs are doubtlessly "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" and Band Aid's (above) "Do They Know It's Christmas?" But everyone knows this. However, there were many other holiday songs released during the '80s that nearly reached such heights of crapulence ... More >>

Sound Check

OK, sure, the truly worst '80s Christmas songs are doubtlessly "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" and Band Aid's (above) "Do They Know It's Christmas?" But everyone knows this. However, there were many other holiday songs released during the '80s that nearly reached such heights of crapulence ... More >>

Press Picks

OK, sure, the truly worst '80s Christmas songs are doubtlessly "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" and Band Aid's (above) "Do They Know It's Christmas?" But everyone knows this. However, there were many other holiday songs released during the '80s that nearly reached such heights of crapulence ... More >>

Very Merry Pops

Fa-la-la-la-la-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Cinema Bomar: “Hazardous Holiday”

Web exclusive!

Less Is More

Historic homes are dressed up in holiday decorations appropriate to their time

Miracle 34th Street

Holiday warm-and-fuzzies beat back the bah-humbugs

Festival of Lights/Polar Express in 4D

Merry Christmas, Beeyotch!

Forget caroling. Here are a few hip-hop jammy-jams to warm your yule log.

Shoot 'Er Up

Even cowgirls get the booze in Slump's new Western musical

I Love My Calendar Girl

Houston's got its own for every day of the year

Xmas Marks the Spot

A guide to new holiday discs, from surprise presents to Tannen-bombs

Beat It

Only band fans need stand in the Drumline

Ho Ho Huh?

Tim Allen drops another lump of coal down the chimney

Best Art Opening

"Clown Town/Million Dollar Hotel"

The Santa Express

He was the perfect St. Nicholas. If he could just move faster.

60th Annual H-E-B Holiday Parade

An astronaut? Okay. An actress? All right. Santa Claus? Cool!

Capsule Stage Reviews: A Christmas Carol, the Musical, Miracle on 34th Street, The Nerd, The Story of My Life

An astronaut? Okay. An actress? All right. Santa Claus? Cool!

Miracle on 34th Street

Yes, Susan, there is a Santa Claus

Noel Contendre: 11 Musical Christmas Crimes and Misdemeanors

flickr.com/photos/st3f4an​ It's beginning to sound a lot like Christmas - everywhere we go - and most people probably assume it's all glad tidings of peace on Earth and goodwill towards men. Not Rocks Off. We did a little digging, polled our writers and the Houston Press editorial staff, and came ... More >>

Capsule Stage Reviews: A Christmas Carol, Miracle on 34th Street, The Nerd, The Nutcracker, O Little Town of Bagels, Teacakes, and Hamburger Bun, Panto Sleeping Beauty

flickr.com/photos/st3f4an​ It's beginning to sound a lot like Christmas - everywhere we go - and most people probably assume it's all glad tidings of peace on Earth and goodwill towards men. Not Rocks Off. We did a little digging, polled our writers and the Houston Press editorial staff, and came ... More >>

Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin': The 10 Horniest Christmas Songs Ever

​The approach of Christmas presents a number of dilemmas. Should you put the moves on that hot co-worker at the holiday party? Is now really the best time to come out to your heavily Pentecostal family? And what brand of top-shelf vodka best drowns out the drone of your in-laws and the shrieks of ... More >>

The Best and Worst Christmas Specials of All Time

Every winter brings the onslaught of family tension, shopping, and that most American of pastimes, the Christmas special. They're typically half an hour, though they can be longer, and they often take characters from an already-established world and run them through the gauntlet of festivities surro ... More >>

A Fertle Holiday

Radio Music Theatre gives us two-and-a-half decades of dysfunction

A Fertle Holiday

Radio Music Theatre gives us two-and-a-half decades of dysfunction

Our Annual Hour In Sunny 99.1's Holiday Hell

​The day before Thanksgiving, Sunny 99.1, "Houston's Official At-Work Station" did its yearly change-over to all holiday music. It's now a Houston tradition to turn over the dial at 5 p.m. on Thanksgiving Eve to snort your first line of Burl Ives or Brenda Lee of the season, before you have ev ... More >>

Santa & Crying Babies: Five Great Videos

It takes a while for kids to warm up to Santa Claus -- usually it takes precisely as long as it takes them to figure out he's the guy bringing presents. But when you're real little, and you tend to get presents randomly anyway, you don't know anything about having to endure the fat old guy in order ... More >>

A Very Merry Pops

It takes a while for kids to warm up to Santa Claus -- usually it takes precisely as long as it takes them to figure out he's the guy bringing presents. But when you're real little, and you tend to get presents randomly anyway, you don't know anything about having to endure the fat old guy in order ... More >>

This Week in Deliciousness

Photo by Ms. PantsNothing can warm you up on a chilly Houston night quite like a nice, tall glass of anti-freeze.​Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we're already rigging our rooftops up with traps and buying ingredients for our famous reindeer chili. We starte ... More >>

Five More Severely Depressing Christmas Songs

​Last year, we rounded up quite a collection of depressing Christmas songs to darken your mood just in time for the holidays, but - as many people were quick to point out - we left a few off the list. Well, we're nothing if not thorough, and this year we've found five more monsters of morosen ... More >>

Blues Christmas

​Last year, we rounded up quite a collection of depressing Christmas songs to darken your mood just in time for the holidays, but - as many people were quick to point out - we left a few off the list. Well, we're nothing if not thorough, and this year we've found five more monsters of morosen ... More >>

Island Of Misfit Albums: A Star Wars Christmas

​One thing that always bothered Rocks Off growing up as a born-again Christian child who was into the apparently godless world of Star Wars was whether or not they celebrated Christmas. The birth of Jesus Christ and stuff. Santa Claus, crap that matters. We can only assume under Empire rule th ... More >>

Upcoming Food Events

Photo by churlBuy a fruit tree this weekend for a gift that keeps on giving.​We all know that Santa Claus travels far and wide to make his Christmas deliveries, even if you don't have a chimney in your house. But did you know that he even travels underwater? The Downtown Aquarium will have a ... More >>

This Week in Deliciousness

Did you ever notice how internet memes make you laugh once and then disappear forever? Why is that?​Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we would pay more money than is reasonable to own rooftop Christmas decorations of Santa Claus and Jesus dueling the Grinch and ... More >>

10 Christmas Songs That Are Really About Drugs

memecenter.comMerry fuckin' Christmas, mang.​Halloween is right around the corner, so you know what that means: Time to start making a list and checking it twice. Bourbon, gin, scotch, vodka, Xanax, painkillers... Walgreen's and CVS have already stocked their shelves with wrapping paper, plas ... More >>

Rocks Off's Annual Descent Into Sunny 99.1's Christmas Music K-Hole

Sometimes being naughty is nice...​Since 2008, I have spent an hour listening to Sunny 99.1 FM's Christmas music for the Rocks Off blog. Right after Thanksgiving, it's the first thing on my checklist, right next to finding new, weird holiday music for you and trying not to gain 20 pounds in me ... More >>

Looking Back at A Very Special Christmas Track by Track

​In the late 1980's, music empresario Jimmy Iovine cobbled together quite a collection of pop and rock artists to record songs for a Christmas album benefitting the Special Olympics. In 1987, A Very Special Christmas was released and rapidly became an instant holiday classic thanks to the star ... More >>

26th Annual Uptown Holiday Lighting

​In the late 1980's, music empresario Jimmy Iovine cobbled together quite a collection of pop and rock artists to record songs for a Christmas album benefitting the Special Olympics. In 1987, A Very Special Christmas was released and rapidly became an instant holiday classic thanks to the star ... More >>

Classic Christmas: A Christmas Gift for You from Philles Records

Over the holidays, we're looking back at some classic Christmas albums taking some track by track and just digging on others. ​Christmas music comes in all shapes and sizes. From jazz and blues to hip hop and heavy metal, everybody thinks they have an interesting take on holiday classics, but ... More >>

Very Merry Pops

Over the holidays, we're looking back at some classic Christmas albums taking some track by track and just digging on others. ​Christmas music comes in all shapes and sizes. From jazz and blues to hip hop and heavy metal, everybody thinks they have an interesting take on holiday classics, but ... More >>

Party Hard, Claus: Vintage Ads Featuring Santa with Booze, Cigs & Frat-House Kegger Supplies

Soda?! I ain't drinkin' no soda.​Christmas is a time for parties, and apparently no one knows more about hard partying than Kris Kringle himself. You can't blame the man -- anyone facing the pressure of successfully overnighting millions of gifts and checking the goddamn list twice needs to b ... More >>