Santa Claus

Christmas Past: 10 Christmas Songs That Are Really About Drugs

While we celebrate the holidays, Rocks Off is resurrecting a few of our best Christmas-themed blogs from the past few years. (Wait... resurrecting is Easter. Never mind.) This blog originally appeared October 26, 2011. Halloween is right around the corner, so you know what that means: Time to start ... More >>

Saturday Night: Brian Setzer Orchestra's "Christmas Rocks" at Arena Theatre

Brian Setzer Orchestra Arena Theatre December 15, 2012 Within the taxonomy of rock and roll, rockabilly (bless its hot rod heart) can get dismissed as a one-trick pony with a ducktail for a mane and flames painted on its haunches. At least it can by people who see only kitsch when they should be lo ... More >>

Frustrated by the Recent Heat? Winter Is Making a Comeback

"Rise and shine and don't forget your booties, 'cause it's cold outside," is how the radio deejay woke Bill Murray up in Groundhog Day every morning. And while we won't have a blanket of snow on the ground, sing morning polkas (most of us anyway) or live in Punxsutawney, next week we're going to bre ... More >>

The 10 Worst Holiday Cover Songs Ever

It's the thought that counts, right? Because they had the common decency to make original garbage, this list pardons holiday atrocities like New Kids on the Block's "Funky Funky Christmas" and "Last Christmas" by Wham! The ten "artists" on this list couldn't even be bothered to wrap their own turds ... More >>

Armed Man Crawls Through Drive-Thru Window To Rob Fast-Food Place (w/VIDEO)

Imagine if Santa Claus was armed and wearing a bandanna across his face. Not a very Merry Christmas, to be sure, but Kris Kringle was apparently the inspiration for one robber. The Harris County Sheriff's Office and Crime Stoppers have released surveillance video of the robbery, which features the ... More >>

Arthur Christmas

Party Hard, Claus: Vintage Ads Featuring Santa with Booze, Cigs & Frat-House Kegger Supplies

Soda?! I ain't drinkin' no soda.​Christmas is a time for parties, and apparently no one knows more about hard partying than Kris Kringle himself. You can't blame the man -- anyone facing the pressure of successfully overnighting millions of gifts and checking the goddamn list twice needs to b ... More >>

Very Merry Pops

Looking Back at A Very Special Christmas Track by Track

In the late 1980's, music empresario Jimmy Iovine cobbled together quite a collection of pop and rock artists to record songs for a Christmas album benefitting the Special Olympics. In 1987, A Very Special Christmas was released and rapidly became an instant holiday classic thanks to the star powere ... More >>

26th Annual Uptown Holiday Lighting

10 Christmas Songs That Are Really About Drugs

memecenter.comMerry fuckin' Christmas, mang.​Halloween is right around the corner, so you know what that means: Time to start making a list and checking it twice. Bourbon, gin, scotch, vodka, Xanax, painkillers... Walgreen's and CVS have already stocked their shelves with wrapping paper, plas ... More >>

Upcoming Food Events

Photo by churlBuy a fruit tree this weekend for a gift that keeps on giving.​We all know that Santa Claus travels far and wide to make his Christmas deliveries, even if you don't have a chimney in your house. But did you know that he even travels underwater? The Downtown Aquarium will have a ... More >>

This Week in Deliciousness

Did you ever notice how internet memes make you laugh once and then disappear forever? Why is that?​Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we would pay more money than is reasonable to own rooftop Christmas decorations of Santa Claus and Jesus dueling the Grinch and ... More >>

Blues Christmas

Five More Severely Depressing Christmas Songs

​Last year, we rounded up quite a collection of depressing Christmas songs to darken your mood just in time for the holidays, but - as many people were quick to point out - we left a few off the list. Well, we're nothing if not thorough, and this year we've found five more monsters of morosen ... More >>

This Week in Deliciousness

Photo by Ms. PantsNothing can warm you up on a chilly Houston night quite like a nice, tall glass of anti-freeze.​Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we're already rigging our rooftops up with traps and buying ingredients for our famous reindeer chili. We starte ... More >>

A Very Merry Pops

Santa & Crying Babies: Five Great Videos

It takes a while for kids to warm up to Santa Claus -- usually it takes precisely as long as it takes them to figure out he's the guy bringing presents. But when you're real little, and you tend to get presents randomly anyway, you don't know anything about having to endure the fat old guy in order ... More >>

Our Annual Hour In Sunny 99.1's Holiday Hell

​The day before Thanksgiving, Sunny 99.1, "Houston's Official At-Work Station" did its yearly change-over to all holiday music. It's now a Houston tradition to turn over the dial at 5 p.m. on Thanksgiving Eve to snort your first line of Burl Ives or Brenda Lee of the season, before you have ev ... More >>

A Fertle Holiday

Radio Music Theatre gives us two-and-a-half decades of dysfunction

A Fertle Holiday

Radio Music Theatre gives us two-and-a-half decades of dysfunction

Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin': The 10 Horniest Christmas Songs Ever

​The approach of Christmas presents a number of dilemmas. Should you put the moves on that hot co-worker at the holiday party? Is now really the best time to come out to your heavily Pentecostal family? And what brand of top-shelf vodka best drowns out the drone of your in-laws and the shrieks of ... More >>

Miracle on 34th Street

Yes, Susan, there is a Santa Claus

Noel Contendre: 11 Musical Christmas Crimes and Misdemeanors

flickr.com/photos/st3f4an​ It's beginning to sound a lot like Christmas - everywhere we go - and most people probably assume it's all glad tidings of peace on Earth and goodwill towards men. Not Rocks Off. We did a little digging, polled our writers and the Houston Press editorial staff, and came ... More >>

60th Annual H-E-B Holiday Parade

An astronaut? Okay. An actress? All right. Santa Claus? Cool!

Capsule Stage Reviews: A Christmas Carol, the Musical, Miracle on 34th Street, The Nerd, The Story of My Life

Retro Active: The Five Worst '80s Christmas Songs

OK, sure, the truly worst '80s Christmas songs are doubtlessly "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" and Band Aid's (above) "Do They Know It's Christmas?" But everyone knows this. However, there were many other holiday songs released during the '80s that nearly reached such heights of crapulence ... More >>

Five Christmas Movies Guaranteed To Get Rid Of Unwanted Guests

Holiday season is in full swing, and soon our homes will be filled with family members we've been successfully avoiding for the last 11 months, many of whom will wear out their welcomes before their Members Only jacket hits the pile on the bed. We in the media may be secular humanists with no regar ... More >>

Very Merry Pops

Fa-la-la-la-la-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Cinema Bomar: “Hazardous Holiday”

Web exclusive!

Santa Claus Round-Up: The Galleria Stop

This and every Christmas season the most important person is the baby Jesus, with a bearded, white-haired toy factory owner coming in a close second. Every year we flock to the malls to sit in our kids down on Santa's lap. Sometimes they run off screaming, while others take to the old guy just like ... More >>

What's Not To Like About Hanukkah? Lots

Christmas is approaching, which means it's time for gentiles the country over to condescendingly recognize the existence of one of the least significant Jewish holidays - the frustratingly spelled Hanukkah.While it's certainly nice to wish others well during their respective holidays, Hair Balls bel ... More >>

An Hour in Sunny 99.1's Holiday Hell

Band Aid: Do they know it's Christmastime at all? Most people I know hate Sunny 99.1, but not me. And I should really hate it. Any radio station supported by the American Dental Association has to suck. But every time I listen to it, I either hear something so corny and half-baked that I can't tur ... More >>

Slideshow: HEB Thanksgiving Day Parade in Downtown Houston

Low-riders, art cars, SpongeBob, Santa Claus, D-list celebs, marching bands, stick-fighting Sikhs and plump Shriners in souped-up go-carts -- where else could it be but the HEB Thanksgiving Day Parade? And although we lack quality photographic proof -- amazingly, even Sheila Jackson Lee was there. ... More >>

Black Santa for Black Friday

If there's one thing we know for sure, it's that The Man wants to control every aspect of American culture - including how we celebrate Christmas. The Man made Jesus white, even though J.C. was born in the mid-east. The three wise men? White, white, and white. Frosty the Snowman? Yup, you guessed it ... More >>

Sanity Claus: Separating Holiday-Music Gifts from Seasonal Disorders

John Royal's Christmas Wish List

Miracle 34th Street

Holiday warm-and-fuzzies beat back the bah-humbugs

Festival of Lights/Polar Express in 4D

Merry Christmas, Beeyotch!

Forget caroling. Here are a few hip-hop jammy-jams to warm your yule log.

Shoot 'Er Up

Even cowgirls get the booze in Slump's new Western musical

Xmas Marks the Spot

A guide to new holiday discs, from surprise presents to Tannen-bombs

Beat It

Only band fans need stand in the Drumline

Ho Ho Huh?

Tim Allen drops another lump of coal down the chimney

Best Art Opening

"Clown Town/Million Dollar Hotel"

Less Is More

Historic homes are dressed up in holiday decorations appropriate to their time

The Santa Express

He was the perfect St. Nicholas. If he could just move faster.

Press Picks

Sound Check

Dueling Santas