Sarah Palin

Palin, Santorum, and Perry Remind the NRA Convention of America's Greatness, and that Greatness Comes from a Gun

There was a point in Rick Santorum's history lesson, a point in the former Pennsylvania senator's spiel last Friday about the horrific transition President Obama has yet in store for America, when the 20,000-strong audience at the 2013 NRA Convention sat perfectly silent. Bathed in blue flood-light, ... More >>

Bye, Bye Rick Perry: How Ted Cruz Became Texas' Most-Important Republican -- and He's Not Even Elected!

Rick Perry, it's so over. Sure, you've been fun. Hell, you've been great to us here at Hair Balls. Like that time you thought Solyndra, a solar company, was a country? Or, when you applauded George W. Bush for all his work defending us from freedom? Oh, man. That was a good one. And just recently wh ... More >>

This Week In Deliciousness: Stay Away From My Mountain Cabin

Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we've been eating store-bought rainbow sherbet inside various Chik-Fil-A's all week, but so far no one has said anything. It could be because their choice of food-obtaining venue isn't indicative of folks' general political leanings, ... More >>

Ted Cruz: First Intellectual Tea-Partier Ever

Last night, as we watched Sarah Palin bloviate on Fox News -- yes, doubtful reader, we do under highly unusual circumstances tune in to Fox News -- we were struck by something. Ted Cruz, compared to virtually every single Tea Party member on this green earth like Palin, is really damn articulate. Li ... More >>

Sarah Palin Visits Chick-Fil-A in The Woodlands, Presumably to Hate On the Gays

Mike Huckabee did it. Rick Santorum did it (I don't mean having his last name irreversibly associated with a rather disgusting by-product of certain sexual acts). And now Sarah Palin has done it...in Texas. All three politicians have recently gone out of their way to promote Chick-Fil-A, in what so ... More >>

Jack Donaghy Backs Romney: Our Favorite TV Characters Vote

The Republicans are whittling down now to the bare bones. Not to discredit anyone, but the race is basically Rom vs. Newt for the win. While we don't really miss the circus show that was the Republican Party just a few short months ago, at least we had more options. Now that we are getting down to t ... More >>

Football! The Weekend's Best Bets (w/ Token Palin & Brown Hand Guy Videos)

Still dreaming of Glen?​In the quest to have my posts appear in the list of most viewed, certain weekly topics that I do have a ceiling. For example, this Friday post during football season where I give my best bets likely only appeals to a certain degenerate segment of society (despite how am ... More >>

Glen Rice Allegedly Slept with Sarah Palin (w/ VIDEO)

Sarah Palin in her Michigan-fan days.​Okay, I'll admit that might have been the most duplicitous headline of a post ever, not because Sarah Palin and Glen Rice didn't sleep together (They apparently did, back in the late '80's. More on that in a minute) but because the "w/ VIDEO" would seem to ... More >>

Sarah Palin Sneak Preview: The Agony of The Undefeated

That word you keep using...​There was an advance screening last night of The Undefeated, the new film by Stephen K. Bannon that traces the rise of former Alaska governor Sarah Palin from her early years as mayor of Wasilla to John McCain's 2008 Vice-Presidential candidate to her new status as ... More >>

Rick Perry v. Sarah Palin 2012: The Scorecard In Five Key Areas, Including Wildlife-Killing Methods

Sarah Palin kills moose from helicopters​Can you feel the excitement, people? It just might be possible that the 2012 GOP primary will feature a cagematch showdown between Rick Perry and Sarah Palin for the off-the-wall Tea Party constituency that can make or break a Republican candidate. Per ... More >>

This Week in Deliciousness

Note: Beef jerky is best enjoyed in a t-top Firebird with .38 Special blasting from your stereo and your majestic mullet trailing behind you in the breeze.​Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we've never yet pegged a rude waiter with a saltshaker from across the ... More >>

The 10 Sexiest Texans Of Our Lifetime

Texas is loaded with natural resources, among them beautiful women. The state has provided many, many gorgeous, sexy and smart women. To be sure, not all of them combine all of those qualities -- here are tradeoffs to be made -- but still, there's been no shortage in our lifetimes of fetching Texas ... More >>

Sarah Palin, Twitter, Weezy Top 2010's Most Tired Stories

Some rappers happen to be thoughtful, intelligent people. Every Monday that isn't a national holiday, Rocks Off will have some of them here discussing issues relevant to their culture. Photo illustration by John Seaborn Gray​This Week's Panel: Bun B, Kyle Hubbard, Fat Tony, Renzo, Brad Gilm ... More >>

Trishana Broussard: Sex With Three East Texas Teens Nets Six Years' Prison

Trishana Broussard: If blowing underage boys in cemeteries is wrong, she don't wanna be right​A 37-year-old East Texas woman is going to prison after pleading no contest to engaging in oral sex with three teenaged boys. On Monday, Trishana "Mama Bear" Broussard was sentenced to a six-year se ... More >>

Sarah Palin Follows In W's Book-Signing Footsteps

Photos by Brittanie SheySee more photos of the Sarah Palin booksigning and protest in our slideshow.​She didn't quite draw the crowd (or the mass of security) that former President George W. Bush pulled for his booksigning a few weeks ago, but former Alaska Governor and Vice Presidential candi ... More >>

The Mama Bear Returns: Palin Book Signing Monday at Borders

Come see the softer side of Palin​Love her or hate her, Sarah Palin will not be ignored. We are living in an era when politicians and experts of all kinds inspire mistrust, and Palin presents herself as the ultimate outsider - just a regular American gal, hunting moose and being a "mama bear" ... More >>

Sarah Palin's New Show: Houston Blessed Enough To Get Sneak Preview

Saah Palin having some "flippin' fun"​If you've been moping around saying you have nothing to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, relax. You now officially have a reason to offer gratitude. There are a whole bunch of cities in the United States, right? (Yes, right.) Well, there are only eight ... More >>

Your Buzzword Is My Band Name, Part 1

Friedrich Glorian via Flickr​It's a Google-rific society we be a-living in, and the fastest way to notoriety is to coin a phrase that, when Guantanamo Bayed safely between quotation marks in a search field, will bring up endless debate upon your win or fail. We have been blessed with some rea ... More >>

Sarah Palin's In Town Tomorrow

Comin' to town, without a "g"​If you've got any moose lying around, look out for low-flying helicopters: Sarah Palin is in town tomorrow.Palin, who briefly served as Governor of Alaska, will be speaking on behalf of Heroic Media, which places ads on TV, the web and billboards "to connect women fac ... More >>

Odd Pair: Snickers Ice Cream Bar and Blanc de Blancs

Cram some Snickers ice cream in your pie hole and follow it with a dry sparkling wine.​ Why is it that every year we forget just how miserable it gets in August? We must, otherwise, we'd have all moved to Alaska to bunk with Sarah Palin by now. Anyway, it's definitely ice cream weather and what' ... More >>

Sarah Palin: Libs Hate Her Because She's Beautiful, Not Like That Michelle Obama

The ugliness!! It BURNS!!!!​Texas Tech, that bastion of Americanism way out there in Lubbock, has done it again.This time they're not protesting a statue that allegedly features Commies and lesbians, nor are they linking tattoos to social deviance.This time, they're saying liberals hate Sarah Pali ... More >>

No Lady Gaga: Celebrities We Wish Had Sex Dolls Made Of Them

He's no Johnny Depp​Yesterday on the Rocks Off blog we unveiled the Lady Gaga sex doll, Lady Gag Gag. Comments were mixed on the doll, ranging from utter confusion and strange attraction from both sexes. One commenter claimed that the model on the box was even more attractive than the real G ... More >>

The 5 Best Satirical Twitter Accounts

​Probably the only good thing to come out of the Gulf oil disaster (other than the Uncle John's Bathroom Reader-style discovery that dog hair is super absorbent) is @BPGlobalPR.Satirical Twitter accounts -- created by anonymous users to mock and skewer public figures or celebrities -- have been ar ... More >>

Sarah Palin Still Hassling Local DJ Shoe Latif

Courtesy Shoe LatifThe ghost of Governor Palin is still knocking the crap out of Shoe Latif​A year ago we told you how local nightclub legend Shoe Latif had gotten crossways with Sarah Palin, back in that brief period when Palin was still governor of Alaska.Latif got an official cease-and-desist l ... More >>

It's No "Get a Brain, Morans," But We Like It

​Congratulations to Houston Press photographer Bryan Williams, whose (in)famous pic from last February's Sarah Palin/Rick Perry rally now belongs to the ages, or the Huffington Post, as the case may be: Last year we set to work to find the funniest (whether intentionally so or not) protest si ... More >>

The Week In TV: So Long, Julia Sugarbaker

Even with my dependable shows in reruns, it feels good to be back in the stern embrace of David Simon. This was the week in TV Land: • Thank God for Hulu, you know? The video site is the only reason I actually keep up with Saturday Night Live most weeks. The show's had a real hard-on for tweens ... More >>

Dogging the Dome

An extensive investigation has uncovered secret plans for the Astrodome's future.

This Week in TV: Shatner My Dad Says

​I'm confused by curling, ready for spring, and oh yeah: I got engaged. This was the week in TV Land: • There's a guy out there with a blog called "The Final Season of LOST as Seen by Someone Who Has Never Seen." I think it's missing a word at the end, but whatever. The whole gimmick is th ... More >>

You Heard It Here First

The Press reported on the Prius long ago.

Sarahmania Hits Houston

What did we learn?

Five Things We Learned From Sarah Palin's Big Houston Visit

Photo by Pete Vonder Haar​Houston was the epicenter of Palinmania this weekend, as her fans breathlessly awaited her appearances at a Rick Perry rally and some sort of motivational convention.There were many things to take away from the whirlwind visit of the woman who is ostentatiously keep ... More >>

She's Comin': Sarah Palin To Campaign With Rick Perry In Houston

Photo courtesy Rick Perry campaign​Start droppin' yer Gs now!! Sarah Palin is a-headed to town, with a bucketfull of common-sense talk for all them hot-air artists up in Washington!!!Rick Perry's campaign announced today that Palin will appear with the governor in "the Houston area" February 7."I ... More >>

This Week In TV: Oprah to Resign in 2011, World to End Shortly Thereafter

Tom Cruise is not taking the news well...​The sun's back out, I'm ready for turkey, and I can't believe I sold my DeLorean to Mr. T. This was the week in TV Land: • So, Oprah resigned, but not really, or something. Just to make sure we all have time to prepare our families for the ritualist ... More >>

Midweek Match-Up: Tom DeLay Vs. Sarah Palin In The Battle Of The Quitters

What is up with the Republican Party today? It's become a party of quitters.First, Sarah Palin ups and leaves her job as Alaska governor for reasons only she can discern. Then Tom DeLay throws in the white towel on Dance With The Stars, even as the nation was begging for him to continue making a com ... More >>

The Last Roundup: A Palin Resignation Playlist, Texas Heat Fizzles, Mathletes LP Release and More

There's always that one thing that makes the week great, even though it's barely begun. This week, it comes courtesy of Houston Music Examiner David Sadof's three-part playlist for Sarah Palin's resignation. The Texas Heat Music Festival's goose was cooked, says 29-95. Thought things were slow ... More >>

Before We Go: A Thousand Cranes, the Muses, Johnny Bush, the Old Quarter, Katy Perry, a Numbers Documentary and More

The above cartoon - give it a minute; it'll show up - is somehow tied into Saturday's show at Avant Garden featuring A Thousand Cranes, How I Quit Crack and Metal Rouge. Rocks Off wishes he could tell you how, but he digs the Monty Python and the Holy Grail homage. Colorado traditional Celtic duo t ... More >>

The Rockets, Joining The Pantheon Of Those Who Gave Up Surprising Momentum

Hey, how'd those Rockets do last night?!Oh.In case you missed it, Our Rockets (and by "Our," we mean "team we started cheering for a week ago"), got shellacked by the Lakers 118-78. Everyone had expected the injury-riddled Houston team to lose like that -- in Sunday's game, which they had won.That ... More >>

Sarah Palin Takes On The Crackhos of Houston

Photo by sskennelYou better darn-tootin' not hijack an official Web site from Sarah Palin's State of Alaska. Houston DJ and nightlife ne'er-do-well Shoe Latif recently found that out the hard way when she got a cease-and-desist letter from the flinty-eyed legal eagles in Palin's Attorney General's o ... More >>

Judge Not The Two-Step, Lest Ye Be Judged

Yeah, so we judged a Texas Two-Step dancing contest last night.That's pretty much the equivalent of Sarah Palin judging a Dance Salad festival, but we tried.You know it's bad when the only song you recognize in the half-dozen or so tunes in the warm-up is George Strait's "Love Without End, Amen, ... More >>

Where To Indulge Your Obama-Mania In Houston

No one's going to be getting much work done around 11 a.m. Houston time tomorrow.That, of course, is when John McCain will be sworn in as the nation's first old-white-guy President; assuming you're down from the amazing high of Sunday's Lee Greenwood/Hank Williams Jr. concert at the Mall, you'll wan ... More >>

The Worst Lyrics of 2008: NCAA-Style Showdown

And now it's time for the "I love you like a fat kid loves cake" memorial Worst Lyrics of 2008, March Madness-style tournament, this year a terrifying mélange of appalling oral-sex requests, bargain-bin philosophies, grammatical atrocities, and cringe-inducing pillow talk. To elevate the drama, I p ... More >>

Candidate Cocktails on Election Day 2008

Ten Rejected Hockey Names for Sarah Palin's Sixth Child

Book Review: Doomed Queens

Turning the Screw: Lil Wayne, Hip-Hop and the Election, Wu-Tang Clan, Danity Kane, The Kanye

Golly, That Was Some Debate

Battle Of The Feisty Governors: Sarah Palin vs. Ann Richards

God Bless the Houston Astros

Has Sarah Palin Cracked the Glass Ceiling for Other Former Sportscasters?