Scandals

Today's Musicians Have All Lost Their Damn Minds

It seems that there's something in the musician water lately, and it's causing an epidemic of WTF-inducing choices that are just begging to be written about. Headlines are popping up daily about abandoned pet monkeys, pixelated photos, and Skrillex hair, and this shit's getting weird. But rather t ... More >>

A-Rod Might Be (Okay, Probably IS) Fibbing AGAIN (w/ Steroid Denial Video Montage)

Sports is big money, and for every $100 million contract where a team sees a return on their investment and then some, it feels like there's five where a team walks away with some serious buyer's remorse if not right after the signing, certainly by the time the contract has played itself out. Of th ... More >>

Red, White, and Rehab: Country Music's 10 Douchiest Moments

It might be hard to believe, but the same musicians responsible for singing lyrics about big green tractors and diggin' up bones are also responsible for a lot of my Internet entertainment. You see, when famous people do douchey things, it makes me giggle. When those acts are committed by people t ... More >>

PEDs: On The Differing Treatment of A-Rod and Ray Ray

There were two major non-Super Bowl related sports stories last week. They both involved big name athletes using PEDs. There was the story from our sister paper Miami New Timesinvolving Alex Rodriguez and numerous other baseball players. And there was the bizarre story with Ray Lewis and deer antler ... More >>

Straw Polling of MLB Hall Of Fame Voters Is (Sort Of) Good News For Craig Biggio And Jeff Bagwell

As potential Hall of Fame classes go across all sports, I'm not sure that one city has more invested emotionally right now than the city of Houston does in balloting for next year's induction class into the Baseball Hall of Fame. First baseman Jeff Bagwell is on the ballot for the third time, and ... More >>

College Football: Bear Bryant Award Finalists Revealed (Aggies Will Be Happy)

If you're a prominent, successful college football player or coach, it is usually necessary to block out the second week of December. This is when most of the college football awards are handed out, the week after the regular season ends. For many, it's an exhausting, circuitous journey across the n ... More >>

Suspicious Minds: Craig Biggio's Hall of Fame Induction in Doubt Due to Steroids

Baseball Hall of Fame voting brings out the stupid in many people, especially those people charged with casting the ballots. Amid cries of cheating and ruining the integrity of the game, a loud minority of the voters have made it clear they will never vote for any player who took PEDs. There are a ... More >>

Bye, Bye "Jer": Jerry Sandusky Sentenced to Minimum 30 Years in Prison

During the trial of convicted pedophile and former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky, it was revealed that he would send actual love letters to one of his numerous victims, denoted in the case as Victim Number 4. The creep factor on these letters was off the charts, and they were all p ... More >>

Penn State Scandal: My Statement To The Paterno Family

"The sanctions announced by the NCAA today defame the legacy and contributions of a great coach and educator without any input from our family or those who knew him best." -- The Paterno Family, in a statement (how else?), 7/23/12 Since the moment that Jerry Sandusky was whisked out of the back of ... More >>

Joe Paterno's Family Vows To Find The Real Child Molester Harborer

Another day, another story from Happy Valley that makes me question my faith in mankind. Two, actually. First, predictably, three more men have come forward claiming they were sexually abused by Jerry Sandusky, one citing abuse that took place all the away back in the 70's. If you remember, Sandus ... More >>

Roger Clemens, Steroids, and the Baseball Morality Police

There are still a lot of people upset about last week's Roger Clemens verdict. Sure, most of the people appear to be sportswriters and not actual tax-paying citizens, but that's beside the point. Sportswriter Ken Rosenthal and his baseball-reporting pals see the whole thing as a travesty of justice ... More >>

Jerry Sandusky Will Not Testify, Defense Rests In His Trial

BOB COSTAS: Are you sexually attracted to young boys, to underage boys? JERRY SANDUSKY: Am I sexually attracted to underage boys? BOB COSTAS: Yes. JERRY SANDUSKY: Sexually attracted, you know, I enjoy young people. I love to be around them. But no, I'm not sexually attracted to young boys. -- No ... More >>

Pulp Fiction

Beaumont Diocese Sued Over Priest Who Allegedly Abused Teen in 1976

A Dallas County man is suing the Roman Catholic Diocese of Beaumont, and Bishop Curtis Guillory, over sexual abuse the man allegedly suffered by a now-deceased priest in 1976-1977. Filed last week in Jefferson County District Court, the man -- identified as John Doe 104 -- claims that Father Ronald ... More >>

In Honor of Hulk Hogan, 5 WWE-Storyline Sex Tapes (w/ VIDEO)

I'm sure many of you have heard of (and some of you, admit it, have probably participated in) a death pool, where you and, say, four of your friends each get to pick ten people and you accumulate points depending on how many of those people die that year. (For the record, the formula for points scor ... More >>

Jerry Sandusky's Ill-Advised Statement on Joe Paterno

On Sunday morning at 9:25 a.m. EST, legendary Penn State head football coach Joe Paterno was pronounced dead at the age of 85 after losing a swift battle with lung cancer. As you all know, Paterno had spent the waning moments of his existence as one of the more polarizing figures in sports as colle ... More >>

Pop Rocks: Totally Serious Career Advice for Lindsay Lohan

And starring as "Vampira"...​Hey, haven't heard much about Lindsay Lohan recently, maybe she's finally on the right...oh: Lindsay Lohan will be headed back to court -- yet again. During a hearing in Los Angeles Wednesday, Judge Stephanie Sautner ordered the actress' probation revoked, and ru ... More >>

All Eyez On Me: Rating The Best/Worst Rock & Rap Sex Tapes (NSFW)

This week, we found out that a sex tape featuring Tupac Shakur exists, made in 1991 just five years before his fatal shooting in Las Vegas. Shakur's estate is the only entity that can release an item with the late rapper's likeness involved, and his mother Afeni Shakur is unlikely to allow a video o ... More >>

Roger Clemens' Attempt To Convince Us Brian McNamee Is Satan Starts Today

These two guys will not be going out for a beer together during the trial​"If Mr. McNamee's mouth is moving, he's making an inconsistent statement," Roger Clemens' attorney Rusty Hardin during a recent hearing The doldrums of summer sports boredom should get a nice little B-12 shot (pun absol ... More >>

Top 5 Country Music Feuds

The great mullet smackdown of 1992, starring Travis Tritt and Billy Ray Cyrus​Country music singers, Hank Williams Jr. once sang, are a real close family. And like most families, sometimes they don't get along. But unlike rap or British rock, where there are so many feuds it can be hard to ke ... More >>

Somebody Make a Charlie Sheen/Lindsay Lohan Reality Show Already

It'll be just like this, only with more felony warrants and broken teeth​Believe it or not, writing about so-called "pop culture" has its difficulties. For starters, it's hard to deal with the effusive praise and overwhelming respect heaped upon you by your colleagues, none of whom view entert ... More >>

Safe at Home

PJ's Sports Bar is the coziest tavern in Montrose.

Craig Biggio, Steroid User?

Wait, Craig Biggio did what?​Craig Biggio used steroids. Yes, you read that right. Craig Biggio used steroids. At least that's the latest allegation to come from Jeff Pearlman, the man who says Jeff Bagwell used steroids but refused to offer up any evidence of Bagwell using steroids. Of co ... More >>

NFL Playoff Best Bets (and a Tiger Woods Wagering Lesson)

Angry Birds: As good a playoff-picking method as any​Every Friday (Thursday some weeks) when I go to fish the lines for that weekend's football games off the Internet, I go to the same site. (Point of non-disclosure: I will not reveal the name of the site which I use to wager go to. Easily t ... More >>

Top Ten Celebrities This Decade Who Crashed and Burned with Video Evidence

And a partridge in a pear tree...​Last week, we gave you our list of celebrities who manage to save their careers after difficult times. This week, we go a different direction. If we have learned anything from TMZ, it's that people love celebrity scandals and the more salacious it is, the more ... More >>

The Year In Skank: 2010's Top 7 Skankiest Celebrities

​Plenty of famous women exude a healthy, feminine charm, a reserved beauty and refined grace that keeps them respectable even while they titillate. Plenty of celebrity men have a classy demeanor, yet just enough of a rakish-scoundrel glint in their eyes to turn them into the mysterious strange ... More >>

FAIR-y Tales: Fantasy Voter Fraud

Thanksgiving 2010: The Post Where We Get All "Thanky"

Thank you. Thank you very much.​As we prepare to gorge ourselves today on turkey (Cajun fried is the choice here), stuffing, pumpkin bread, and perhaps something green (maaaaybe, but probably not), I want to first thank all of you who stop in and read the stuff on the blog here, not just my st ... More >>

Lindsay Lohan & Demi Lovato: Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Pop Stars

You said it, Demi.​If you're a parent, one day you'll inevitably come to the sobering realization that your child's ultimate happiness is out of your hands. Naturally you're going to avoid feeding them Red Bull and Cheetos for lunch (that's a man's meal) or letting them juggle steak knives, bu ... More >>

Kombucha Comeback

​For those experiencing withdrawal over the last six months from the kombucha crisis of 2010, you can now rest easy in knowing that it's back. The fermented probiotic beverage was abruptly pulled from supermarket shelves across the country last June after Lindsay Lohan's SCRAM ankle bracelet, ... More >>

More Priest-Abuse Suits, This Time With Chloroform

Man claims he was chloroformed and raped as an altar boy​The Catholic Archdiocese of Galveston-Houston is facing more allegations of abuse and fraud related to a Houston priest who died in 2000.In a lawsuit set to be filed today, Guadalupe Gonzales accuses the late Father Lawrence Peguer ... More >>

Top Five Teen-Idol Rehab Alumni

​Checking into rehab is no laughing matter. That said, we at Rocks Off often find inspiration in even the darkest of corners. So when it was announced, much to our surprise, that Dallas-born teen pop starlet Demi Lovato had checked into rehab an inpatient treatment center, we pondered celebri ... More >>

Midnight Movers

San Antonio's Girl in a Coma may stumble onstage, but not on Adventures in Coverland.

Chilean Miners: The Important News You Have Missed, Some Of Which Involves Lindsay Lohan

Also, Texas is suing for trademark infringement​Hey there, Chilean miners -- you are climbing from the depths into the world's heart (copyright pending). As you surface, you are busy signing book and movie deals, getting some off your wife, tasting real food and beer, hoping your colleagues keep u ... More >>

Clemens to Be Indicted for Making False Statements to Congress

Falling Star: Clemens will be indicted on perjury charges.​Roger Clemens testified before the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform over two years ago saying that his former trainer Brian McNamee had lied about his use of steroids. Today, federal authorities have decided the former Ho ... More >>

Train Keeps A-Rollin'

Aerosmith expects first album in nine years.

Lindsay Lohan: 10 Songs To Put Her In The Mood For Prison

​It was just six years ago that the world was in love with Lindsay Lohan, the grown-up child star of The Parent Trap and that year's Mean Girls. At the time, Craig's Hlist was dating a girl who forbade her visage at every turn - we were a Hilary Duff couple, and in her mind Lohan and Duff were ... More >>

Free Lindsay Lohan: Chances Hath Spoken!

Craig Hlavaty​You get it? Because Lindsay Lohan dated a girl and Chances is a bar where women kiss women on the mouth and hold hands?

Lindsay Lohan: Five Celebrity Courtroom Meltdowns Better Than Hers

​Turns out the Mean Girl wasn't so mean after all. Former child star and current cautionary tale Lindsay Lohan broke down in court after receiving a 90-day jail sentence for probation violation: "Are you serious?" she sobbed to her attorney as she furiously plucked Kleenex out of a tissue bo ... More >>

The Five Best Houston Sex Scandals, Such As They Are

It takes two hookers to get James Worthy ready for Showtime​Houston is not a big town for sex scandals. Whether it's because we have a sophisticated European, laissez-faire attitude to such things, or because bigfoot Houstonians are better at hiding things, we don't know. Although we guess it's th ... More >>

The Man Who Sued the Pope

Houston's Daniel Shea thinks Joseph Ratzinger has a lot to answer for if he'd talk.

Game Time: My Five-Point Plan To Make Tiger Woods Popular Again

Ever since the sultry stories of Tiger Woods' "other life" started to leak out after Thanksgiving, the attempts to rebuild Tiger's image have gone from predictable.... ...to even more predictable.... ...to downright creepy.... (Can I coin the phrase "Nike-rophilia" for the act of using a dea ... More >>

Game Time: Earl Woods' Force Ghost Asks Tiger The Tough Questions, In The Name Of Nike

So earlier this week, we got this presser from Tiger Woods at Augusta.... For those who don't want to waste nine minutes of your life watching bullshit, just know that Tiger plans on being nicer to all of the fans, he has had to view himself in a way he never thought he'd have to, and he's never tak ... More >>

Pop Rocks: Men Are Pigs, Film At 11

With apologies to Warren Zevon: Keep on riding, riding, ridingTiger and Jesse JamesKeep on riding, riding, ridingAll those tattooed dames 2010 is already proving to be a banner year in celebrity implosion. The continuing saga of serial philanderer Tiger Woods was good enough, but then the news bro ... More >>

How Not To Give a Public Apology: A Video Primer for Tiger Woods

After months of anticipation, The Fallen One Tiger Woods will finally speak publicly this morning about his sex addiction (or at least, his addiction to having sex with an assortment of bar skanks and porn actresses). Don't expect pointed queries from a variety of media outlets, Woods won't be takin ... More >>

Game Time: Buddhism Announces That It Has Dropped Tiger Woods

  So there you go. Tiger Woods is sorry. Or so he says. If we can sift through the 15 minutes where time stood still in sports bars around the country, if we can somehow ignore all of the "hostage crisis"-level coverage this is getting on CNN, ESPN, and the Oxygen Network, then we can all step ... More >>

Seven

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Elizabeth Edwards

The politician’s wife discusses her life — the good and the bad