Sylvester Stallone

Ass Kicking, Plato-Style

The great director Walter Hill brings a Bullet (and ideas) to your head.

The Selling of Schwarzenegger, 2013

Arnold returns - but do we still need him?

Double Duds: The 10 Worst Duets Since "Ebony and Ivory"

Thirty years ago this week, Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder hit No. 1 on the charts with their duet, "Ebony and Ivory." The song spent seven weeks at the top of the Billboard Hot 100 and the past three decades as a joke. Perhaps history's most hackneyed call for racial harmony (which, admittedly, ... More >>

Pop Rocks: Hit Me With Your Best Shot, Gina Carano

Who doesn't love a woman with an Uzi? Oh, right: the Palestinians.​Steve Soderbergh, the director of Sex, Lies, and Videotape, Traffic, and The Limey has always had an experimental streak. This has come out particularly in recent years, with a remake of Solaris, something called The Girlfriend ... More >>

Happy Birthday David Knopfler: 7 Lesser Known Rock Music Siblings

In the holiday movie Fred Claus, Vince Vaughn plays Fred, the bitter older brother of Santa Claus. In one scene, he goes to a group counseling session with the brothers of Sylvester Stallone, Bill Clinton, Alec Baldwin and others to vent his frustration. Today is the 60th birthday of David Knopfler. ... More >>

The Five Worst Music Movies Ever*

* That aren't actual musicals *eye roll*​It would be easy to pick out a bunch of terrible musicals to make fun of. First off, most musicals seem stuck in the 1930s, when every song everywhere sounded like a show tune, and therefore stank. Second, we're afraid of polarizing our audience. You ... More >>

The Shuttle's Souvenir Load

20,000 flags and 10,000 patches aboard

George W. Bush Birthday Cards: Better Late Than Never

Dammit! We missed George W. Bush's birthday yesterday!! We were too busy celebrating Sylvester Stallone's!!! It's not like we totally flaked out. We picked out a bunch of cards; we just couldn't decide which one to send, and then it was too late. Oh well, there's always next year. But we still can ... More >>

Top 10 Songs Famous Because Of A Movie

​Wednesday night, surf-guitar hero Dick Dale played to a packed Continental Club, in what Rocks Off's buddy Lonesome Onry and Mean and several others have since said was one of the best shows they've ever seen. The song that sent everyone home with their ears ringing and their fingers on fire ... More >>

Is A Hit Rap Song The Texans' Key To The Super Bowl?

​Want a worthy Super Bowl pick? In the words of Wesley Snipes in 1992's Passenger 57, "Always bet on black," ... and yellow. Don't thank Rocks Off for that profitable betting tip. Thank Wiz Khalifa, who is going to bring glory back to his frigid blue-collar hometown of Pittsburgh. It's only ... More >>

Houston Musicians Explain Their Facebook Cartoon Pics

​For the last week or so, Facebook campaign has asked users to change their profile pictures to a beloved cartoon character from their youth. Some claim it's to bring attention to the plight of abused children. Others - like your humble reporter, who is currently sporting Link from the old Leg ... More >>

Twilight of the Bods

Sly and the family Stallone get nostalgic for their legacy of ­brutality in The Expendables.

Eat, Pray, Love & The Expendables: Win Preview Passes While You Ponder That Venn Diagram Of Ticket-Buyers

Eat, Pray Love and this: World's Unlikeliest Double Feature​You know how you used to visit Hair Balls all the time, looking for preview passes to the best new movies? And sometimes the not-so-best movies?You can't do that anymore. But what you can do is keep an eye on our Art Attack blog, whi ... More >>

The Internet's Freakiest Fan-Drawn Musical Art

Lady Gaga​Rocks Off scoured the Interwebs for at least an hour Thursday looking for the worst musical fan art we could find. Aside from being mildly sidetracked by pictures of Katy Perry and Britney Spears, we also found plenty of ghastly fan-made visages of their favorite rock and pop stars. ... More >>

Win Preview Passes To Inception, And Ponder Our Five Questions About It

One of these people is a better actor than the other​Inception seems like the best bet yet to save a summer full of dreary by-the-books blockbusters. Has there been anything released yet that's made you want to go to the movies? (We admit, we've never quite gotten into the whole Toy Story th ... More >>

Game Time: 2010 World Cup -- I Am Darth Soccer

"Luke!! I am your bad-luck charm!!"​If ever there were a sporting event that was tailor-made for watching in a sports bar with a room full of diehard fans, it's World Cup soccer.It's the one sporting event that takes a pretty easily graspable concept for the casual fan (put ball in goal -- and in ... More >>

No Lady Gaga: Celebrities We Wish Had Sex Dolls Made Of Them

He's no Johnny Depp​Yesterday on the Rocks Off blog we unveiled the Lady Gaga sex doll, Lady Gag Gag. Comments were mixed on the doll, ranging from utter confusion and strange attraction from both sexes. One commenter claimed that the model on the box was even more attractive than the real G ... More >>

Artist of the Week: Cum On Feel the Noiz with DOGGEBI

Each Wednesday, Rocks Off arbitrarily appoints one lucky local performer or group "Artist of the Week," bestowing upon them all the fame and grandeur such a lofty title implies. Know a band or artist that isn't awful? Email their particulars to sheaserrano@gmail.com.​During the summer, we taught a ... More >>

Shoulda Stayed Away: The 10 Worst Comebacks Of The Decade

​The Oughts, or whatever the hell people are going to call them (The Hell Years?) Are quickly drawing to a close; meaning it is a time to reflect on the 10 years that we've endured.Hair Balls and our sister blogs, Rocks Off and Eating...Our Words, will be putting together various lists delineating ... More >>

Inquiring Minds: Crown of Thorns' and the Plasmatics' Jean Beauvoir

​ With his distinctive blonde mohawk, Jean Beauvoir struck not just a memorable visual presence in the '80s, as his hard-charging singing and playing shone first as a member of notorious punks the Plasmatics, then Little Steven & the Disciples of Soul and finally a solo effort, 1986's Drums Al ... More >>

From The Movies: Five Worse Picks Obama Could Have Made For The Supreme Court

President Obama has nominated Sonia Sotomayor to replace David Souter on the Supreme Court. Now begins the long and -- hopefully -- entertaining confirmation process where we'll hear about her support of eugenics and that one time in high school she smoked clove cigarettes behind the band hall. As ... More >>

Summer of Salvation

The Terminator is back. Plus lots of other movies we can't wait to see this season.

Five of the Wackiest Saints in History

New Blood in Son of Rambow

The joys of DIY filmmaking persist

There's a Fly in My Soukous

Totally blending in at Club Kalahari

John Royal’s Top Ten All-Time Greatest Sports Movies

ASK A MEXICAN: Great Illegals and Mexican Movies

Tommy Davidson

In Living Color comedian hits Houston for a four-night stint

Universal Soldier: 'Rambo'

Twenty years later, our one-man military machine's still going

The Italian Stallion

Sylvester Stallone in full-frontal action

What You Call Hell, He Calls Home

Rocky V. Ahmadinejad

Another sequel, another chance for Rocky to persevere for America

A Masterpiece on Canvas

The Orange Death

Who's Your Daddy?

Tortilla Flat

Nacho's funnier than Napoleon, which isn't sayin' much

Un-American Dream

Goal! follows an immigrant's pursuit of a European fantasy

A Few Dollars Left

Eastwood's latest Baby proves he's still a money player

Enough's Enough

The Spy Kids go 3-D, but where are Mom and Dad?

Letters

Off the "X", Beaching Out, The Low Down

Cumming Up

Is he a writer, director, actor or...sex symbol? Um, yes--and more

Movie-House Hypothermia

Vertical Limit buries viewers under an avalanche of mind-numbing tragedies

Luck of the Puck

Sweet irreverence works in Mystery, Alaska

A Call to Arms

Gary Ray is going to Russia for the glory of his sport. For the honor of his country. For a chance to win one more arm-wrestling contest.

Shoot the Sheriff

Stallone seeks, but doesn't find, redemption in Cop Land

Letters

Tunnel Vision

Daylight is hopelessly dim

Letters

Nothing Special