Tom Brady

Tom Brady's Latest Heat Check: Bow Tie And Bro Celebration At Kentucky Derby

When it comes to sports and championships, Boston is different than most cities. Whatever the sport, every city wants to win a championship, but very few cities hate to lose as much as Boston. They level to which fans in that town care is borderline irrational. Consequently, if you're a player who ... More >>

Comparing Tony Romo's New Deal To Matt Schaub's: The QB Contract Conundrum

Quarterback problems. They're like everyday relationships.They take on different flavors and magnitudes, but pretty much every NFL city has them. Some are theoretically good problems to have: New England's restructuring Tom Brady's contract to open up more salary cap space, Green Bay's commencing ... More >>

Joe Flacco Has A New Contract: Next Big Thing Or Next Cautionary Tale?

On December 16, the Baltimore Ravens lost their third game in a row, 34-17 to the Denver Broncos in Baltimore to drop to 9-5 on the season and virtually clinch a relatively ho-hum four seed in the AFC. On that day, their starting quarterback, Joe Flacco, completed 20 passes on 40 attempts for 254 l ... More >>

The Truth About Tom Brady's New Contract (With Special Guest Star Matt Schaub!)

Of the three major professional sports leagues, football has the methodology of compensation that is the least broken and the fiscal system that is least susceptible to ruin at the hands of compulsively spending owners, and it's all because of the NFL's policy of utilizing non-guaranteed contracts. ... More >>

Patriots 41, Texans 28: Offense Turns Offensive On Big Stage. Again.

Ignore the main box score numbers. Forget the 425 total yards for Houston and the 28 points. Same for the 41 placed in the New England column. In the big picture, it's more of the same. Gary Kubiak, Matt Schaub and the Houston offense shoulder the majority of blame in yet another crucial game, this ... More >>

Texans-Patriots, The Rematch: Top 5 Ways For This Outcome To Be Different

We know, we know. The last time these two teams met, the Patriots slaughtered the Texans along the same lines of what Alabama did to Notre Dame earlier this week. That doesn't mean it will automatically happen again. Even in New England. Want evidence? It doesn't take going back very far. In Decem ... More >>

Five Reasons Why the Patriots Will Beat the Texans

I've already explained why the Texans will beat the Patriots. So, how could I possibly explain then how the Patriots will beat the Texans. Let's just say while my rooting interests lie with the Texans, I am enough of a sports fan to see both sides. I certainly don't WANT the Patriots to win on Sunda ... More >>

Boston Globe's Dan Shaughnessy Calls The Houston Texans A Bunch Of Frauds

Over the last four weeks of the regular season, despite having a significant carrot in front of them in the form of home field advantage throughout the playoffs for which to play, the Houston Texans looked like they were lacking in direction, almost lifeless at times. How that could be, I have no ... More >>

Texans 29, Colts 17: Back-to-Basics Approach Nets AFC South Title, Renews Playoff Hopes

It seems evident that Matt Schaub isn't going to win a shootout with the likes of Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers. Perhaps not with Andrew Luck. But if the team's other components execute the way they're designed to, he shouldn't have to. On Sunday, the Texans (12-2) finally returned to their core princ ... More >>

Monday Night Meltdown: Texans Crushed in New England 42-14

It was, to quote Yogi Berra, "Like deja vu all over again." In this case, the Texans' loss to Tom Brady and the New England Patriots on the road in prime time was eerily similar to week six when they were dismantled by Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers. In what was being billed as the most ant ... More >>

Curses That We Yelled At Our TV Screen Last Night During The Texans-Patriots Game

11-2. 11 and 2. Not a bad record to have at all. It's looks strong. It's better that 2-11, that's for sure. There is no reason jump off of a cliff, get your Texans throat tattoo scrubbed off with a wire brush, or to paint your house. But during last night's Texans-Patriots game, a lot of us di ... More >>

Buffalo Bills Fans Tweet Their Hatred For Mario Williams

Hard to believe now, but there was a time not too long ago when Texan fans openly debated the appropriate amount for the Texans to allocate this past offseason to re-sign defensive end/outside linebacker/chronic underachiever Mario Williams. Sure, the Texans defense was just fine without Mario for t ... More >>

The 2012 Season Preview: The Texans Will Be Super If...

Two days are left. After eight long months away, that's all that remains before the most anticipated season in Houston football history finally kicks off. Even the 1993 Oilers, whose brilliant 11-game win streak ended with a home loss to Joe Montana's Chiefs in the divisional round of the playoffs, ... More >>

Bill Belichick in Super Bowl XLVI: "Make Him Go To Manningham" (w/ Sound FX VIDEO)

The play worked as designed, on both sides​I got home from my show this afternoon and, having just finished up talking about sports for five hours, I did what I normally do -- turn on one of the sports channels on television. Luckily (or perhaps not so luckily, if I had any designs on being p ... More >>

We Get It, Twitter: (Not) All The Tweets About Tom Brady Having Sex With Gisele Bundchen

The twitter world blew up when Gisele Bundchen, supermodel wife of not-so-super QB Tom Brady, endearingly defended her man to boorish Giant fans, throwing his teammates under the bus in the process. But that is apparently not the most important thing to know about Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen. The ... More >>

Super Bowl XLVI: Gisele Bundchen Is NOT Happy with the Patriot Receivers (w/ VIDEO)

A good woman stands by her man. Prior to Super Bowl XLVI on Sunday, Gisele Bundchen, supermodel and wife of Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, e-mailed a prayer request out to many of her close friends and family: "My sweet friends and family, This Sunday will be a really important day in my husband ... More >>

The Hair Balls Super Bowl Live Blog: Remember To Piss

In some alternate universe, the streets of Houston are currently bathed in Miller Lite, Reliant Stadium and every bar in town is a watch party, with even the homeless folks are wearing soiled Texans jerseys. But alas, our Houston Texans only made it into the second round of the playoffs, and here we ... More >>

Football! Six Prop Bets and My Super Bowl XLVI Pick (Includes Video Analysis of Kelly Clarkson Anthem-Singing)

Finally, the Super Bowl is upon us, and when you head out to that neighborhood party this Sunday, you may need some fabricated incentive to have a rooting interest in the game. I get that. Sure, you can do it the ultra-lame way by buying a couple squares for five bucks and hoping that you randomly ... More >>

SUPER BOWL STORY LINE ALERT! Jason Pierre-Paul Talked Mad Trash About Tom Brady!

So here we are, it's Thursday of Super Bowl week and we've had almost nothing to dig our teeth into from a story line perspective. I warned you earlier this week that it would be this way. Hell, when news came down today that Rob Gronkowski would be a gametime decision because of his high ankle sp ... More >>

Super Bowl Snack for a Crowd: Spicy Buffalo Chicken Dip

Super Bowl Sunday is here. I don't know about you guys, but I can't wait to watch the G-men beat the living $@*! out of the Patriots (God, I hate Tom Brady). But before we watch the big game, I'll need to prepare for the second most exciting act of the day: the food. Of course, when I think footbal ... More >>

The Really Important Questions to Answer for the Super Bowl

So it's Super Bowl week. This game featuring a rematch between the New York Giants and the New England Patriots. There will be a lot of story lines, real and imagined, developed and discussed before and during the game on Sunday. Like, for instance, the 25 mentioned below. 25. Tim Tebow because ... More >>

Patriots Seal AFC Title with a Kiss (w/ AWKWARD Video)

Bal'mer is gonna be tough on Billy Cundiff. Indeed.​The Patriots and the Ravens played a classic AFC championship game yesterday that featured various twists and turns, including a couple of bizarre brain cramps from Pats quarterback Tom Brady, a "turn back the clock" performance by the hefty ... More >>

Football! My Texans Prediction and Other Weekend Best Bets

Baby needs new gear...​Every year at about this time, I wind up investing several hundred dollars in various pieces of Texans gear for my two sons (ages 13 and 12, and I'm fairly certain the only two Texan fans in their Chicago-area junior high school), and while the attitude in this, the most ... More >>

Patron Saint

Saint Dane's Bar & Grille is easy to miss, but hard to forget.

2011 NFL Preview, Spoken In Wagering-ese

The betting window is open​I hope everyone who has had a chance to check out our Texans 2011 preview "The New Normal" has enjoyed it. Big ups to Monica Fuentes for coming up with the season-long interactive game card tracking Texans' results. You need to go check it out. If you haven't read ... More >>

NFL Conference Title Games: Douche-apalooza 2011!

This is not Roger Staubach​Ben Roethlisberger, Mark Sanchez, Jay Cutler, Aaron Rodgers. In an era where success in the NFL has never been more tied to quarterback play, those are your last four quarterbacks standing in the 2011 Playoffs. Most NFL fans see the elimination and subsequent absen ... More >>

Five Celebrity Costumes To Avoid At All Costs

This one is, uhhh... not on the list.​Halloween: The one night grown men and women have a legitimate excuse to look like clowns. Call us crazy, but we stopped dressing up for Halloween at 13. We still love you and your ridiculous costume. We really do. That's why we've taken the time to offer ... More >>

Game Time: Come! Watch The Amazing Vince Young Water Down Matt Schaub's Pro Bowl Bid!

​For better or worse, the Texans are still at a stage in their history where they are experiencing some "exciting but for most teams not really extraordinary" things for the first time. This will happen when the first four years of your eight-year existence were spent being constructed by Char ... More >>

Texans 34, Patriots 27: Progress But No Playoffs

Photo by Mark C. Austin​The Texans legitimately won nine games. The New York Jets legitimately won seven. The Texans displayed tremendous heart on Sunday in rallying past a Patriots team playing its starters and remaining aggressive almost throughout, while the Jets were given a handout for ... More >>

Game Time: The Decade's Five Most Lucrative Miracles

​First, I want to wish everybody out there a very happy holiday, and thank all of you who have read my stuff here on HoustonPress.com since I started up a couple months ago, especially those of you who leave comments (even if you think what you've just read is utter drivel, and you're telling me ... More >>

Game Time: The Horrible Turn Of The Texans' Owen Daniels

​(I want you all to watch in amazement while I introduce you to the literary technique known as the "shplegue". This stands for "shameless plug that turns into a segue." Watch and learn...)I'm not sure how many of you have seen the web-based tragicomedy Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, but this co ... More >>

Experts Ask The Pressing Question Tonight: Are You Ready For Some Football?

​The NFL season opens tonight. We've already given you our astute and accurate take on the Houston Texans. (9-7, if you must know.) But what about the rest of the league? Do you actually want to sit through all the games, or learn what will happen in the next few grafs?We thought so.So here is how ... More >>

Beyonce: Not Just Dangerously In Love, Dangerous To Your Computer

Daniel Kramer​Via the Houston site of examiner.com, anti-viral software company McAfee ranks Beyonce near the top of celebrities for whom Internet searches are likely to lead to pages containing spyware, viruses or other technology-borne maladies. Searching Beyonce and other boldfaced names like J ... More >>

Ten Other Instances of "Sloppy Seconds"

Sean Avery of the NHL's Dallas Stars was suspended for an indefinite period by the NHL on Tuesday for comments he made in Calgary on Tuesday. Speaking to reporters, he made a comment about several players dating his "sloppy seconds." And I know most of you in Houston would rather talk high school fo ... More >>

John Royal's NFL Power Rankings

COACHES PUB'S COLORADO BULLDOG

John Royal's NFL Power Rankings

Spygate: The Cheaters Didn’t Win, But the Investigation Goes On

Giants Win. You’re Welcome.

Miss Cleo’s Fearless Forecast: Super Bowl XLIII Winner Revealed!

A Day in the Life of Cable Sports Programming

Double Standard: How Come Few People Bitch About Cheating in Football?

Random Thoughts for a World Where Eli Manning Is Better Than Brett Favre

Giselle Bundchen, Carrie Underwood, Bridget Moynihan and Jessica Simpson -- Yep, We're Talking Football

NFL Wrap: Losing Teaches Lessons, Except When It Doesn’t

Hot? Not.

Rob Schneider jerks around with his feminine side