Tony Soprano

Notre Dame (Kind Of) Joins The ACC -- 4 Winners, 4 Losers

Times change, and in the constantly evolving (or if you're the Big East, constantly imploding) landscape of college conference affiliation, they can change at the drop of a hat. We found that out once again on Wednesday. In the last two years, with conference realignment effecting virtually every ... More >>

66-Year-Old Woman Sues Bo Pelini Foundation For Football-Related Injuries

"We will aggressively protect the health, safety and long-term livelihood of our players, both on the field and off. We can preserve the fierce competition that makes football great, while simultaneously committing to the relentless pursuit of safer play. Our players do not make excuses on the field ... More >>

Getcho Popcorn Ready! Terrell Owens Is Back In Our Lives!

Last October, desperate for work, Terrell Owens held a workout in southern California to attempt to show NFL teams he was fully healed from an ACL injury that he suffered during the 2011 offseason. The only attendees at this spectacle were numerous television stations and cameramen, not a single NFL ... More >>

5 Tips for Musicians to Avoid IRS Trouble

It's a fact of life that bears repeating: The IRS does not fuck around, no matter who you are. Legendary musician Chuck Berry received a reminder of this universal truth the hard way 33 years ago this month. Only three days after playing a gig on the White House lawn for President Jimmy Carter, the ... More >>

Rape, Scandal, Greed and Cockfighting -- The 2011 Sports Year In Review

2011: Penn State's horrible year​You know how, in the series 24, the way a season unfolds? How just when you think there has been some sort of resolution to the bad guys being bottled up, right then and there a new (often worse) layer is introduced, and ultimately in like Hour 22 Jack Bauer wi ... More >>

Jets Fan Pooch-Punts Giants Fan's Skull (w/ VIDEO and Zapruder-Like Analysis)

Spending Christmas Eve in the emergency room, whether as a patient or a loved one of a patient, is no fun. Trust me, I've had to do it twice. Back in 2000, my son Sammy was only six months old and had to go to the emergency room and stay in the hospital overnight for some sort of breathing deal. ( ... More >>

Joe Paterno Will Retire at Season's End -- Not Good Enough

Not so proud a claim now.​"The worst people. The twisted and demented psychos who kill people for pleasure, the cannibals, the degenerate bastards that molest and torture little kids." -- Tony Soprano, in response to the question "Who deserves to go to hell?" Exactly, Tony. People like Jerry ... More >>

Duane Brown Fined $7,500 For Not Punching Clint Session

Duane Brown has been defamed​"It's outrageous man. Like I said, I was trying to help on the tackle when he got the fumble recovery...I was getting up, pushing off my own leg to get up and one of his teammates came and gave me a little shove, and to catch my balance from falling back on him I p ... More >>

Football! This Weekend's Best Bets

Tim Tebow, in the act of Tebowing​So I said last weekend that we were in the midst of one of the most dominant, and in turn most predictable streaks in college football. The top ten teams each week were crushing the books to the tune of covering the number about 80 percent of their games. Two ... More >>

How Andre Johnson's "Death" Turned into a Mere Dislocated Finger

Secondhand news​There's a scene from Season 5 of The Sopranos just after Tony Soprano got into the car accident with the smoking hot Adriana (who happened to be Tony's insane nephew Christopher's fiancée) late at night on a rural in Dover, New Jersey. Word broke about the accident and the So ... More >>

Roger Clemens Goes All Tony Soprano and Dodges the Feds

Separated at birth?​"Can you really not be aware we've been building a RICO case against Tony Soprano for five f**king years? And then you blow this popcorn fart?" -- Federal agent to local prosecutor in Sopranos episode "Soprano Home Movies" In the eight or so years that we got acquainted wi ... More >>

Pop Rocks: Twilight vs. Harry Potter And 9 Other Geek Throwdowns

Still the only crossover I'd pay to see.​Anyone watch the MTV Movie Awards? Anyone? I didn't think so, mostly because I suspect the majority of Hair Balls/Art Attack readers are over the age of 12. And while I have no intention of revisiting the whole "'Music?"Television line of jokes, I did ... More >>

Southwest Prepares to Fly to Newark: Five Tips

New Jersey: Enter at your own risk​Southwest Airlines is busy with the final preparations for their new service into Newark Liberty Airport. As a native of the Garden State -- one who grew up only a few miles from Newark Airport -- we're here to help. Five tips for the airline: 5. Offer a s ... More >>

Alabama Tree Killing Lunatic Is Living in His Car (w/ Guilt Admission AUDIO)

Roll Tide: The dark side​The numbers tell us college football has never been more popular. Television ratings are healthy, rogue ticket prices for the national championship game were the highest for any major sporting event ever, and the smell of murder is in the air. No, this time around it' ... More >>

Time Waster Tuesday -- NBA Superstars Videos (via YouTube)

"'Remember when' is the lowest form of conversation." -- Tony Soprano Tony was right, you never want to be "remember when" guy, and I try my best not to be. But the fact of the matter is, for many of us, what happened between the ages of 16 and 28 constitute the "good times." High school, maybe ... More >>

"Hannibal's On The Jazz:" A Stephen J. Cannell Retrospective

​If you were born before, say, 1976 (the year of my little sister's birth and hence my arbitrary demarcation line for coolness), you probably spent a healthy chunk of your prime TV-watching years enjoying the programs of the late Stephen J. Cannell. The longtime writer/producer created some of ... More >>

Houston Texans Turn The Corner -- 5 Winners, 5 Losers

Neil Rackers -- He's no Kris Brown​I shouldn't enjoy carnage as much as I do, but I have to admit that a few hours after Neil Rackers' 35-yard field goal sailed through the uprights, sending the Houston Texans to an improbable 30-27 overtime win over the Washington Redskins yesterday afternoon, My ... More >>

Game Time: Rex Ryan -- The Next (Really) Big Reality TV Star (w/ video)

Rex Ryan: A (chubby) star is born​So how many Rex Ryan f-bombs did it take for Houston Texans' owner Bob McNair to realize that "Yeah, HBO probably made the right choice in going with the Jets for Hard Knocks this season."Reportedly, earlier this year, the Texans were one of the teams under seriou ... More >>

Game Time: NBA Free Agency -- Watch Me Compare Daryl Morey to Bobby Baccala

Like Baccala, Morey's got an unpopped cherry​Okay, let me get this out of the way... Daryl Morey knows what he's doing. In Daryl we trust! In Morey we trust! Daryl Morey is the NBA GM version of William Wallace with an undergrad degree from the Jedi academy and a PhD in ninja skills! I love Da ... More >>

Game Time: Texas A&M Trying To Break Off From Longhorn Entourage?

What you fail to understand, Turtle....​What started as a history lesson, in this space at least, on Monday is on the verge of becoming an historical shift in the world of collegiate sports. The college football gods dropped this mayhem in our laps, so let's keep talking about it. (For the recor ... More >>

Game Time: College Football: The New Pendergast Realignment Strength-O-Meter!

Yo, Nebraska​In the third season of The Sopranos, just after Tony's nephew Christopher becomes a "made guy," there's a scene where shortly after getting his stripes officially, Chrissy is in the pizza parlor wearing a brand new $1,000 suit with one of a handful of Soprano family lackeys in tow. A ... More >>

Game Time: Okay Rockets, It's Your Move In The "Summer Of Trying To Be Moderately Interesting" In Houston

Photo by Daniel KramerYou're on the clock, Morey. Entertain us​"Can you really not be aware we've been building a RICO case against Tony Soprano for five f**king years? And then you blow this popcorn fart?" -- Federal agent to local prosecutor in Sopranos episode "Soprano Home Movies""Popcorn fart ... More >>

Game Time: Twitter -- My Houston Sports "Follow Friday"

Follow me....to freedom!!​I'm not going to lie, I was a little bit crushed. I read Craig Hlavaty's fantastic overview of the Twitter universe (or as named in the article, "The Twitterverse"; somewhere Dwight Shrute and his "funtivities" -- short for fun activities -- approve), and in it he manage ... More >>

Game Time: Cinco De Mayo...Frenchies, Bye Bye-Oh!!

Mexico joins the not-so-exclusive "We kicked French ass" club​Go to any Cinco de Mayo celebration today and ask ten of the patrons what exactly they are celebrating and you're likely to get a range of answers that looks like this: -- Six drunks slurring that it's Mexico's Independence day -- Two ... More >>

Game Time: Disillusioned By UFC 112? Check Out My New MMA Company!

​I'm not a huge UFC guy. I enjoy getting together with friends to watch the pay-per-view shows occasionally. I've gone on record saying that the first Frank Mir-Brock Lesnar fight at Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas is one of the five best sporting events I've ever been to live. Plus, BONUS, there i ... More >>

Game Time: "My Bracket Looks Like Edward James Olmos' Face"

​There is a silver lining in a plundered bracket in the year 2010, and it's this -- with the advent of Twitter, you immediately get reaction to the various buzzer-beaters, bracket-busters, and inexplicable gaffes that make up the first few days of the tournament (and there were plenty). So whereas ... More >>

Game Time: Brett Favre's Record Is 1-2 This Season...Look It Up!

​"Chain of command is very important in our thing." -- Tony SopranoIn the fifth season of The Sopranos, a bunch of old-time gangsters are released from prison back into the wild of North Jersey and the greater New York City area. Feech LaManna (played beautifully by gravely voiced silver-screen ve ... More >>

Game Time: Charlie Weis Getting Canned; Business Is About To Pick Up

​I remember my tenth grade Economics teacher Mr. Amstutz telling our class one time about how, whenever there's a recession or a depression, one thing that can "pull the economy out of the dumper is a good ol' fashioned WAR." Keep in mind, this is in 1984, when the United States versus Russia ri ... More >>

Game Time: Woke Up This Morning, Got Myself LeBron

​Those of you who listen to my show know that I am fond of placing the "occasional" friendly wager. While handicapping the day-to-day and week-to-week ebb and flow of a football, basketball, or (if you're really sick) baseball season can be enjoyable and, at times, lucrative (especially when betti ... More >>

An Exclusive Interview with the Astrodome

The College Football Preview, Week Eight: More Babes. And More Babes.

Val D. Adams, Oscar Wyatt, Paris Hilton, Garbage and Religious Transfers

A preacher makes the news again

We’re Getting the Band Back Together! Or Should We?

Mail Call

Royalty Rumble

Tony Soprano Ain’t Dead. Now Shaddap and Pass the Cold Cuts

DVDs

Tomorrow's Misery Today

Roman Scandals

The HMNS looks at the turmoil and traditions of Ancient Rome

Hero with a Thousand Faces

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion earns our highest score

Scooby-Dooby-Done

The Sinatra magic fails, and baffles, in rural Texas

Jailhouse Crock

UTMB's controversial proposed deal with the city dies

Sex, Drama and PMS

Sapphic sisters gather at Chances for screenings of The L Word

Rock Radio (and Rock Romano) Redux

Bo knows good rock when he sees it. Do Houston radio programmers?

Gen-X Gospel

Ecclesia beckons the young with a blend of Christianity and counterculture

This Week's Day-by-Day Picks

Fear Factor

But just think, no one hates TV more than Trent Lott

A Rave Mistake

Apparently the U.S. Senate has little better to do than hassle the pacifier-and-glow-stick set

Good Cop, Bad Cop

Denis Leary is on The Job, but can ABC find him an audience?

Local Rotation

Local Music Reviewed

Couch Capo

De Niro's comedic mob mastery excels in Analyze This