Wade Phillips

Houston Texans Free Agents: Priority And Return Likelihood Ratings

After winning the BCS national title this season, Nick Saban was asked how long he is able to enjoy the taste of winning before moving onto the next season. Saban, in his typical understated, serial killer tone, said that he basically takes one day and then it's onto the next season. Well, if you'r ... More >>

Still Depressed About the Texans? Bad Lip Reading the NFL Is the Cure

Some you are moping around the city still upset about the Texans loss. I hear you on the sports radio all angry and frustrated and depressed. Sad Texan fan is sad. But time to buck up there, Jimmy sadface. The season for the Texans is over and it's ok. Now, you don't have to even think about the Sup ... More >>

Texans-Titans: The 10 Best Playoff-Clinching Rapper Tweets

Houston has a professional football team. That professional football team is called the Houston Texans. A lot of people like them; some are rappers. The Internet has several forms of social media; one is called Twitter. A lot of people use it. Some of them are rappers. Like last week and every oth ... More >>

Texans 21, Bills 9: What Stood Out From A Sluggish Seventh Win

See pics of the Texans' win on Military Appreciation Day at Reliant Stadium. If the Texans had a trap game on their 2012 schedule, this appeared to be it. One week after a bye. Two weeks removed from an emotional matchup with long-time nemesis Baltimore. Seven days before an NBC primetime showdown ... More >>

Texans 43, Ravens 13: Adjustments Spark Beatdown of Long-Time Nemesis; Five Reasons Why

Check out our slideshow of the Texans beating the Ravens for the first time in franchise history. The final score doesn't come close to showing it, but there were tense moments Sunday. Three early possessions resulted in three Houston punts, with only a single first down to show for it. Receivers ... More >>

Texans-Jets: The 10 Best Rapper Tweets From Monday Night Football

Houston has a professional football team, called the Houston Texans. A lot of people like them; some are rappers. The Internet has several forms of social media; one is called Twitter. A lot of people use it. Some of them are rappers. Like last week, we perused Twitter during Monday night's game a ... More >>

Texans 31, Broncos 25: At Long Last, Houston Has Its 3-0 Start (Four Reasons Why)

Borrowing a famous analogy from Wade Phillips's father, Bum, the Texans have knocked and beaten on the door of the NFL's elite for three straight Septembers. In 2010, a 2-0 start came crashing down in an embarrassing home loss to Dallas. In 2011, they nearly improved to 3-0 before the defense unrav ... More >>

Waiver Wire Guide: Where The Texans May Look For Help

Yes, the Houston Texans had a game last night. Yes, they won (28-24). No, it's probably not worth extensive discussion. Aside from the very small handful battling for the remaining roster and practice-squad slots, there wasn't much to be learned out of the preseason finale with the Vikings. Sean Pe ... More >>

5 Sports Figures Who Follow Absolutely Nobody On Twitter And Why

Someday, if they ever come up with a graduate degree in social-media forensics, I'm going to back to school and get my Ph.D, because I am of a firm belief that you can learn a lot about a person by the way they utilize and conduct themselves on Twitter. For example, if you have, say, 4,359 follower ... More >>

Houston Texans 2012 Preview Time: Our Bingo/Drinking Game Card, and Are the Texans "The Real" or "The Jobroni"?

There's a reason why we ridicule Charlie Brown every time he falls for Lucy's tired "No really, this time I promise, I'm going to hold the ball in place while you kick, Charlie Brown!" We do it because we don't think it's humanly possible for people to fall for the same old tricks again (and AGAIN). ... More >>

Texans 20, 49ers 9: Five Things We Learned (Including Linebacker Controversy?)

Check out the rest of our photos from this weekend's preseason Texans game. It was brief and incomplete, but Saturday offered the first glimpse of how the Texans (2-0) may stack up with the league's elite. Houston starters played for essentially a full half against the Niners, a team known for its ... More >>

Texans Rewind: I Found a 2008 NFL Preview Magazine, Man Alive Was the Texans Defense Bad

On our radio show on 1560 The Game this past Monday, John Granato and I were breaking down various aspects of both the Texans 26-13 win over the Panthers and the preseason in general. The topic was the defense, specifically Whitney Mercilus and the various ways that Texans defensive coordinator Wade ... More >>

Foster's Vegan Announcement Adds to Texans' Quirkiness

Officially a vegan now. We'll see how this goes. But week one down. So far, so good. Feels wonderful.— Arian Foster (@ArianFoster) July 6, 2012 We've all known Arian Foster to be a rather unique guy. He's a bit of a philosopher and poet. He tweets about eastern religion and plays random pick ... More >>

NBA Formalwear: Chase Budinger's NBA Socks Worn Under His Suit At Tilman Fertitta's Charity Event

On the evening of May 2, John Granato and I had the opportunity to broadcast a "very special edition" of our show on 1560 The Game live from local restaurant and casino mogul Tilman Fertitta's palatial (Understatement Adjective of the Year, by the way) estate in River Oaks. It was the annual "Gath ... More >>

Texans Draft Notebook: What The Mercilus Pick Means For The Weekend

The Texans, as expected, addressed a need with their first-round pick Thursday night. It just wasn't the sexy playmaker position that many expected. Whitney Mercilus, a projected linebacker at the NFL level who led the NCAA with 16 sacks in his junior year at Illinois, proved too much value for the ... More >>

Value Added: Arian Foster vs. Mario Williams

The Texans are facing an offseason unlike any other they have ever seen in their ten years of existence. For the first time ever, General Manager Rick Smith, Coach Gary Kubiak and owner Bob McNair have to figure out how to keep together a very good lineup of players and, gasp, even make it better. F ... More >>

Texans Offseason Blueprint: Five Moves Needed to Become AFC Favorites

​If Sunday's AFC championship proved anything, it's that the Texans with T.J. Yates were a legitimate threat to reach the Super Bowl. The same Ravens that the Texans so thoroughly dominated in Baltimore one week earlier (save mostly-unforced turnovers) had the title in Lee Evans's grasp and o ... More >>

Texans, Tebow and BCS Titles! This Weekend's 4 Winners and 4 Losers

All right, this is starting to get ridiculous, football gods. First, you knock out Arian Foster for the first three games of the season with a hamstring injury. Then you rob us of Andre Johnson not once but twice with injuries to each hamstring, forcing him to miss most of the season. Then you rip ... More >>

Rape, Scandal, Greed and Cockfighting -- The 2011 Sports Year In Review

2011: Penn State's horrible year​You know how, in the series 24, the way a season unfolds? How just when you think there has been some sort of resolution to the bad guys being bottled up, right then and there a new (often worse) layer is introduced, and ultimately in like Hour 22 Jack Bauer wi ... More >>

5 Signs You're Dangerously Starting to Think It Just Might Be the Texans' Year

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.​You have tried. You have told yourself you've been down the road before, and each time your hopes and dreams have been cruelly dashed. But you can't help it -- you are, once again, letting yourself become optimistic about the Texans. But this year th ... More >>

Texans 30, Browns 12: Five Things We Learned

Photo by Marco TorresUnmask yourself, Texans fan​When Gary Kubiak wins a replay challenge, you know it's your day. It was that and then some for the Texans on Sunday, who cruised past the Browns and moved to 6-3 on the season. It's the first time the franchise has ever been three games above ... More >>

Texans 24, Jaguars 14: It Wasn't Pretty. Thankfully, It Doesn't Have To Be Anymore

Photo by Marco TorresMark Schaub, the new Cam Newton​To know the Houston Texans is to know drama, at least from a historical standpoint. Offensive explosions -- both from the Texans and their opponents -- fueled both spectacular wins and crushing collapses in 2009 and 2010. In the end, the ups ... More >>

Houston Says: Make the Call on Suspicious Activities, Or Just Things You Think Are Suspicious

The city of Houston has put up a new Web page called "Make the Call." Our federal, state and local governments are working hard to keep us safe, but we all play a role in securing our public spaces. You are the first line of defense in protecting our fellow citizens, public spaces as well as our ec ... More >>

Texans 34, Colts 7: In Role Reversal, Defense Picks Up Offense

Photo by Marco TorresMatt Schaub encountered the odd concept of relying on his defense.​It took just 12 game minutes for Wade Phillips and his new-look defense to show why this year's Texans could be different from their once-promising predecessors. Matt Schaub wasn't himself early on, air-ma ... More >>

Texans-Colts: Five Things to Watch

No Peyton, no chance.​With Peyton Manning out for Sunday's opener and potentially the entire year after undergoing a second surgery on his neck, the narrative for Houston changes from a statement game to one of trends. That is, there should be no way to actually lose, or for the final score t ... More >>

Houston Texans 2011 Preview: The Jinx Is Back, Baby

​Stop me if you've heard this before -- I am very optimistic about the Houston Texans' upcoming season. I know, I know. Crazy, huh? Last year, in this very space, I called for a 10-6 season in 2010 (a logical if not glacially moving projection considering the three previous seasons went 8-8, ... More >>

Wade Phillips Is Back, And He's Dancing! (w/ VIDEO)

"Happy to do a solid, bro," Jesus replies​Yesterday, on my radio show at high noon, when the Texans' roster of free agent signings consisted of three re-signings of their own free agent backups on offense, I invoked prayer to help find what was clearly a disabled or trapped Wade Phillips. I as ... More >>

Thursday NFL Free Agent Update: Is Wade Phillips Still Missing?

What's more glamorous, dude: New York or Houston?​As I type this, it's 4:36 p.m. on Thursday and the Texans' free agency activity still can be summed up as follows: 1. Backup offensive tackle Rashad Butler 2. Backup wide receiver Jacoby Jones 3. Backup Matt Leinart No cornerbacks, no safeti ... More >>

Hey Texans, Has Anybody Checked On Wade Phillips?

Anyone see Wade?​"I have so much more confidence. Generally, when you make any kind of change, you sort of hold your breath. You say, 'Boy, I hope this works out.' I'm not saying that here. It will work out. [Wade's] done it. He's been there. He's come in, he's looked at our film, we've talked ... More >>

Houston Texans 2011 Draft Summary, Including Best Porn Name

Brandon Harris is no Cam Newtown​The Texans 2011 draft is over, and it had a decided Wade Phillips-ian flavor to it. Not that I'm complaining. With poor to mediocre drafts every year since the 2006 haul that produced five contributors (including three Pro Bowlers) for the current roster, some ... More >>

Texans Draft 2011 -- Defensive End Is The New Tight End

Every rose has its thorn, such as Rick Smith​Last night, John Granato, Lance Zierlein and I were doing our annual NFL Draft show from Wild Wing Cafe in Katy. Like most seasons, we didn't have to wait very long for the Texans to make their pick. (Actually to be fair, the last few seasons, we've ... More >>

2011 NFL Draft -- Live Blog

I am not an NFL Draft expert. How's that for unbridled confidence? Right out of the shoot, in a live blog for the NFL Draft, a host of a sports talk show is admitting that he's not an expert at something sports related, let alone the thing at which he's about to live blog. If you're looking for l ... More >>

Comment Of The Day: We Finally Learn What Our Jobs Are

​We have some great commenters here on Hair Balls, and it's time we paid some damn attention to them. So we'll be highlighting a Comment of the Day each morning, from the previous day's work. Maybe two comments, even. This will all be determined by a highly rigorous scientific formula involv ... More >>

Confused Wade Phillips Is Confused

Something occurred to me the other day as I was reading the sports ticker announcing that our own Houston Texans were hiring Wade Phillips as the new defensive coordinator and, in fact, keeping Gary Kubiak as head coach, in the face of a wave of anti-Kubiak gnashing of teeth. Have you ever had a f ... More >>

Wade Phillips: Selling The Excitement

Wade Phillips: Can we bottle this charisma?​To: Houston Texans PR & Marketing From: Bob McNair Re: Selling The Excitement that is Wade Phillips All: Big days don't come much bigger than today, when we formally welcome the beginning of the Wade Phillips Era at Reliant Stadium. While you may b ... More >>

Gary Kubiak Deathwatch: He Is Risen

​Bob McNair's decision to retain Gary Kubiak -- yes, there's a Hitler video about it -- shakes at the very foundations of belief in a sane, logical universe. What kind of owner brings back Kubiak? The kind of owner who hires Wade Phillips as defensive coordinator, that's who. Just think -- b ... More >>

Wade Phillips' Job Interview: Snickers, Crayons and Battlefighting

ll Wade Phillips job interviews involve Snickers bars​"HOUSTON (KTRK) -- Eyewitness Sports has learned that Wade Phillips will be hired as the Texans new defensive coordinator." -- Bob Allen on Twitter last night, 1/4/11 "Noooo!!! Wait!!! I talked to Wade Phillips second cousin once removed! ... More >>

Thank You, Texans: Five Reasons Why 2011 Sucks Already

Thanks, Bob​We don't think it's being unreasonable to declare that 2011 is a disaster. An unmitigated disaster, for that matter. Why? Let us count the ways. 5. Gary Kubiak is still going to coach the Texans Even presidents only get four years. Especially when they have a record like Kubiak's ... More >>

Houston Texans -- Home For Wayward NFL Coaches?

Note: Google Images auto-fills a Wade Phillips search to "Wade Phillips confused"​When the final gun sounds on Sunday after the Texans game with the Jacksonville Jaguars, and the home team is either 5-11 or 6-10, change is coming for the Texans. At the very least, you'd have to think that Fra ... More >>

Good Lord: Are The Texans About To Make A Playoff Run?

Beat the Ravens, and things get interesting quickly​Nothing hurts our head more than calculating NFL playoff scenarios, with the possible exception of getting hit directly on the skull by a 50-pound block of ice. So we will leave those calculations to more-obsessed people, but we do know this ... More >>

Dallas Cowboys Feel The Jason Garrett Excitement!!

Hey, Wade Phillips: There may be an opening in Houston soon​The Wade Phillips Era is over in Dallas. And everywhere else, as a matter of fact. Multiple sources are reporting that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones has axed Phillips in the wake of the highly entertaining rout by Green Bay last night. ... More >>

Dallas Cowboys' Latest Distraction Gimmick: Lap Dances

Shoulda put this on the giant hi-def​What is it with Dallas football fans that makes a monstrosity of a football stadium want them to have public sex?First it was the boffing on the bathroom stalls. Now it's the front-row lap dance.This woman, obviously bored with whatever ass-kicking the Cowboys ... More >>

Texans-Cowboys Debacle 2010 -- 5 Winners, 5 Losers

The Texans bombed big-time​In retrospect, we probably should have seen this coming. For all the talk about this being a different Texans team, about the Cowboys coming in as a wounded animal, about Wade Phillips being thrilled about the noon kickoff so he wouldn't miss the early bird special, has ... More >>

Texans & The Cowboys: A Five-Point Scientific Comparison

​Kickoff for the big Texans-Cowboys game (aka "Wade Phillips Farewell") is drawing nigh.We will have analysis from our sports guys today and tomorrow. We have already had the utter lameness of "trash talk" between the mayors. (What does this even mean, from KTRK: "It gives me a much better feeling ... More >>

The Ten Worst Songs About Cowboys

​Sunday at noon, the Dallas Cowboys and our own Houston Texans face off at Reliant Stadium. The Texans are 2-0 and the Cowboys have not won one game at all this year. The Texans have won two games, and the Cowboys do not have any wins. At all. Understandably, spirits are high this week on bo ... More >>

Game Time: I Bet On The Cowboys This Weekend, And Now I Must Go Shower

​I'm not sure why I thought Sunday would be any different for the Dallas Cowboys than every other big spot that they've been in since Tony Romo was handed the keys to the Cowboy Cadillac (complete with big-ass steer horns as a hood ornament). I mean, were two spankings of a reeling Philadelphia Ea ... More >>

Michael Irvin Brings Dallas Cowboys Reality Show to Spike TV

Are you a Dallas Cowboys fan? Are you disappointed with the way the season ended? Do you think that the problem might have a little something to do with head coach Wade Phillips? Or offensive coordinator Jason Garrett? Perhaps you're like Troy Aikman who thinks the problem is that Tony Romo spe ... More >>

Michael Irvin Brings Dallas Cowboys Reality Show to Spike TV

Are you a Dallas Cowboys fan? Are you disappointed with the way the season ended? Do you think that the problem might have a little something to do with head coach Wade Phillips? Or offensive coordinator Jason Garrett? Perhaps you're like Troy Aikman who thinks the problem is that Tony Romo spe ... More >>

Miss Cleo’s Fearless Forecast: Super Bowl XLIII Winner Revealed!

Jason Friedman’s NFL Playoff Preview: Hillary Clinton is to the New England Patriots as Chuck Norris is to Jessica Simpson