Willy Wonka

Top 5 Grocery Products I Wish Existed In Real Life

In a world that contains dulce de leche Cheerios, peppermint patty-flavored coffee creamer and vegan mayonnaise, it's hard to imagine needing, let alone wanting, greater variety in foodstuffs. Yet still I do. Here are my top products I wish actually could be bought in a supermarket. 5. Cashew Butte ... More >>

Last Night: Unknown Mortal Orchestra at Fitzgerald's

Unknown Mortal Orchestra, Foxygen Fitzgerald's February 22, 2013 It took a good twenty minutes, but finally the lights went red (just like last time they were here) and Unknown Mortal Orchestra slithered to the stage. Frontman Ruban Nielson was ominous in a black leather skullcap and what I believe ... More >>

5 Fictional Foods That I Wish Were Real

As a child, I dreamed of diving head first into Roald Dahl's famous chocolate river. As an adult, I still do. Every. Single. Day. Here are five other Fictional Foods That I Wish Were Real (in no particular order because truly, I want them all):

The 10 Worst Holiday Cover Songs Ever

It's the thought that counts, right? Because they had the common decency to make original garbage, this list pardons holiday atrocities like New Kids on the Block's "Funky Funky Christmas" and "Last Christmas" by Wham! The ten "artists" on this list couldn't even be bothered to wrap their own turds ... More >>

Upcoming Events: Put That Ugly Christmas Sweater to Good Use

Coming up this Tuesday, December 4, Haven and Cove will be kicking off the Christmas season with a Champagne dinner starting at 6:30 p.m. The three-course dinner created by chef Randy Evans will feature a passed tasting of raw dishes from Cove to start. Courses include duck confit with roasted beets ... More >>

My Trip to Napa Valley: Part I

I'm pretty sure I fell in love with Napa. It's like an alcoholic's wine lover's Disneyworld; a dream land filled with picturesque landscape, a fantastic crisp breeze and some of the world's best wine at your fingertips, ripe for the taking. And the food scene; well, it's TDF. I was lucky enough t ... More >>

You Know You're a Texan If...12 Ways to Know for Sure

We Texans are a proud folk. We think of our state as its own little country and love to point out we are the only state in the union not annexed -- we signed a treaty -- and that affords us a certain let's call it swagger. A lot of people don't care for it, but it's all in good fun (mostly). The t ... More >>

The Memes of Texas Are Upon You: 30 Takes On Lone Star Life

A while back we gave you the "Success Kid" meme as it applied to Houston. Today we set our sights broader -- the subject is all of Texas, and the memes are more diverse. But, of course, we have to start out with the Kid. Can't get enough of this chubby-cheeked fella:

This Week in Deliciousness

Behold, the loser of the world's first high-stakes game of Duck Duck Goose.​Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we're currently taking bets on how many Jack Sparrows it will be possible to see in one day at Dickens On the Strand. Our guess: 14. Not counting the p ... More >>

The 5 Dirtiest Lines from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory

Like a lot of kids, I grew up watching Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory all year round -- but especially during the holidays. The movie is, to me, the best adaptation of a Roald Dahl book so far (just barely ahead of Matilda, of course). Gene Wilder plays the manic Willy Wonka with that perfect ... More >>

Five Things I'd Rather Do With a Guinness (Other Than Drink One)

​While it may seem blasphemous to speak ill of a beer on this day, the most high and holy of drunken holidays, I simply cannot stand Guinness. I want to love it, I really do. A proper Guinness pour--billions of tiny bubbles rising slowly through the blackness--is truly food porn at its fines ... More >>

Chicken Soup for Many Souls

The crew from Carmelo's.​Judging by the turnout for yesterday's 10th Annual Chicken Soup Cookoff, Houstonians like their soup. The event, held at Congregation Emanu El, consisted of 40 vendors ladling out soup to what must have been over a thousand people. "This is the biggest it's ever been, ... More >>

Thanksgiving 2010: The Post Where We Get All "Thanky"

Thank you. Thank you very much.​As we prepare to gorge ourselves today on turkey (Cajun fried is the choice here), stuffing, pumpkin bread, and perhaps something green (maaaaybe, but probably not), I want to first thank all of you who stop in and read the stuff on the blog here, not just my st ... More >>

Top Five Food-Themed Children's Books

​With a glut of adult food memoirs on the market, it's easy to forget that some children's book rank among the best culinary literature. Here are my Top Five Food-Themed Children's Books. 5. Stone Soup (Marcia Brown). A wonderful lesson in collective cooking, Stone Soup recounts how visiting ... More >>

Sundae Sunday: Marble Slab Creamery

​In response to a past Sundae Sunday post, a reader suggested I try Marble Slab Creamery. I had never visited Marble Slab, having incorrectly written it off as a copycat of a similar franchise I visited throughout my youth. (Turns out the marble slab came before the cold stone.)

Friday: The (Very Wet) Vans Warped Tour At Sam Houston Race Park

Photos by Marc BrubakerTyson Ritter of the All-American Rejects​Vans Warped Tour Sam Houston Race Park July 2, 2010 As they always have, teenagers get a bad rap these days. In our minds, any kid who was willing to brave the dirty side of Hurricane Alex on Friday afternoon to see their favorit ... More >>

Warped Tour Extra: Houston Fans Sure Love To Throw Things

Marc Brubaker/ Click here for a slideshow​Kids these days must like throwing shit. Judging by what we saw at the Vans Warped Tour Friday afternoon, it seems to be second or third to smoking dope and being sexually active. Don't worry about that, though; Trojan Condoms was out in force giving u ... More >>

Game Time: Tennessee Whiskey -- Jack Daniel vs Willie Wonka

caption goes here​Having just returned from vacation literally about eight minutes ago, today's pearls of wisdom will not be sports-related (sports resumes in this space tomorrow). In my best efforts to derive some sort of synergy out of the 18-hour odyssey I just endured (Elkhart, IN to Houst ... More >>

Movies That Make Us Hungry

Big Night​It's really freaking hot outside, in case you hadn't noticed. And when it's really freaking hot, we get really freaking lazy (more so than usual) and we want to watch movies. Lots of them. In succession. Trouble is, movie theaters are crazy-expensive and this summer's movie lineup ... More >>

Blaggards Do Ireland: First Stop, The Guinness Factory And Phil Lynott Statue; Three Encores At First Dublin Gig

Houston Celtic rockers - "stout" Celtic rockers - the Blaggards are back on Texas soil after a weeklong tour of Ireland, where the band mixed sightseeing with a few gigs here and there. Rocks Off asked bassist Chad Smalley if he'd share a few of the band's experiences on the Emerald Isle with us and ... More >>

Aftermath: Snoop Dogg Smokes Out House Of Blues

Photos by Marc Brubaker / Click here for a slideshow​Snoop Dogg is one of a handful of artists who have carte blanche when it comes to drug use, if you still wanna call the green business "drugs" in the sense that heroin or crack cocaine are drugs. Keith Richards can still rep coke when he w ... More >>

A Tour of Kegg's Candy Factory

​ We were driving down Westpark the other day in the office park no-man's land of Houston when we noticed the Kegg's candy factory. The marquee read "Daily Tours." We didn't know much about Kegg's, so we called the factory when we got home. The young lady who took our call, Brandy, informed us ... More >>

This Week In Deliciousness

Photo by Robb WalshI can't write this column on an empty stomach. It's difficult to maintain your trademark acerbic wit when all you can think is, "I would literally murder somebody for that hamburger / pizza / pastry / whatever insane but incredible dish from Feast we've featured this week." ... More >>

Going Down to the Center of the Earth

Brendan Fraser falls into deep, deep hole

Machinist and Truck Drivers

The College Question

The Houston 100: From Guy Clark to Don Williams

Mustache Ride

In the latest WarioWare, you can pick your friend's nose.

Get Down with Dave

Chappelle returns with a raucous Block Party

What the Dr. Ordered

A children's classic gets a much-needed Tune-up

Blessed Are the Buttmunches

Working Blue. And Brown.

Inside the dirtiest joke ever told is a nugget of unadulterated joy

Bad News

One more awful remake strikes out

Chocolate Kisses

Thanks to Depp and Burton, Willy Wonka just got weirder

Excess Hollywood

In the season of sequels and Happy Meal toys, '05 may be a pleasant surprise.

Le Grand Cheesecake

The Vegas version of Venice, or Vienna, or someplace

Cornfed Keyboards

America is bullish on the Faint. But can the band pick stocks as well as it spots trends?

Multimedia Marathon

Downtown Stomp Around kicks off the visual arts season

Blooming Onions

One ring to fool them all, or at least the Chron

If You Can't Take the Heat...

Get all hot and bothered at the Houston Fiery Foods Show

Family Circus

The Greatest Show on Earth stops in H-town

Dreaming the Impossible Dream

The 411 on Alex DiSaggio's Wonka-style 420 Fest

Best T-Shirt Made in Houston

"Purple What?"

Island of Bad Sequels

Rodriguez blows his best movie yet

A Box of Chocolat

Lasse Hallström makes clashing ideologies as easy to swallow as gooey treats

Hot Plate

Greed is Good

Veruca Salt would like it all. If not now, then eventually.

Static

Sweet Stuff

Paul Kittelson's giant candy proves a summer treat