5 Crazy Ways to Diet
5. Deal-a-Meal: Reasons it's crazy - a.) it involves Richard Simmons, and b.) it involves Richard Simmons. Aside from its affiliation with the spandexed, hyperactive little man, Deal-a-Meal allowed you to "buy" your food by moving color-coded cards from one side of your special diet wallet to the other. Certain cards represented different types of food like meats/proteins, dairy, veggies, fruits and carbs. When all the cards were "used up," they were moved to the opposite side of the special wallet and it meant that you couldn't eat for the rest of the day. What we could never figure out is whether or not to use a "fats" or "meats" card for the two-pound chicken fried steak we ate for lunch everyday.
4. Baby Food Diet: "WTF" is the first thing that came to mind after reading that Jennifer Anniston, along with other female celebrities, had been on a "baby food diet" where almost every meal was puréed. While the celebrity version probably involved some sort of gourmet touch, real people were doing the same thing with actual baby food. With the idea that baby food is pure, comes in small portions and usually doesn't involve added sugar or fats, people stocked up on the stuff. Aside from the horrid texture, lack of jaw use, unsatisfying meals and complete void of common sense, why not?
3. Atkins: It was every carnivore's dream; a diet where steak was classified under the this-is-okay-to-eat column. While bread, rice and pasta were the enemies (at least in the first two phases), it didn't seem so hard when you ate your daily plate of bacon. Why, then was it so ridiculous? Oh yeah, the whole, NO CARBS thing. Bread began to take on a personality of its own at the grocery store, beckoning you with its luscious crust and soft interior, whispering sweet nothings into your ear as you went to lunch with co-workers, finally seducing you to cheat in the backseat of a Chevy Impala, leaving behind only crumbs as evidence of your torrid affair. The only thing missing was the ridiculous commentary from Joey Greco and a camera shoved in your face.
2. Air Diet: The only reason we know about this diet is thanks to the fun folks at NPR's news quiz, "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me." The French diet was so ridiculous, in fact, that it was in a segment of the show called "Bluff the Listener" that had a contestant pick one true story out of three equally ridiculous-sounding weight loss plans. The diet: you pretend to eat. Fork, knife and all - with no actual food. Instead, you sit down and eat salt soup, which is essentially salt and water heated in a microwave. Sounds like a slow, sad way to die(t).
1. Slim-Fast: Chocolate shakes, candy bars, snacking - it all sounds pretty easy...until you drink said shake and blow your back out on the toilet. You'll lose weight, because you won't digest the few snacks and one meal you eat during this diet plan. It's like a diarrhea-fest of weight loss, complete with an array of "delicious" products you use to substitute for an actual meal. If you think you were hungry before, just wait until you drink your breakfast, blow it all down the toilet and start the whole process over again.
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