The River Oaks Shopping Center might best be known for the Laff Stop, where Bill Hicks cut his teeth, or the two Starbucks across the street from each other, which were made famous by Lewis Black. But when I think of the area, I think of two things: filthy-rich honkies and River Oaks Theatre. We arrive at the theater's new built-in bar, River Oaks Lounge (2009 West Gray, 713-866-8881), to await the start of the midnight feature: my favorite movie by my favorite director, adapted from my favorite book by my favorite author, Fight Club. I order the house specialty, a bellini martini, and strike up a conversation with Amy, a punk-rock Bettie Page who's lived in Montrose all her life. She tells me that she had her first makeout session in this very building, in one of the upstairs theaters, which was once the choice spot for teenagers to swap some spit. Her first kiss was during Monty Python's The Meaning of Life, and she once went to third base during an erotic film. After hearing all of this, it almost seems criminal not to get a little midnight movie action. With date in arm and bellini in hand, I walk into the theater pondering whether a home run in a crowded movie theater would classify as a misdemeanor or a felony.
2 1/2 ounces Absolut Apeach vodka
3/4 ounce peach schnapps
Splash orange juice
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Combine all ingredients in a shaker. Shake the living hell out of it, then shake it some more. Pour into chilled martini glass. Turn off your frigging cell phone, honky.