Soon after I arrive at the Flying Saucer Draught Emporium (705 Main, 713-228-9472) and order a Dark Side of the Moon, I strike up a conversation with the guy sitting next to me. His name is John, he's originally from London, and he's a world-traveling, happily divorced playboy who claims to have played guitar on the original version of "House of the Rising Sun" by the Animals. I ask him if all Brits worship the royal family. He responds, "Fuck the queen!" with a huge grin. I ask if the British accent gets him laid. "Of course," he replies. To demonstrate, he strikes up a conversation with a nearby lush brunette named Tegan. Although she's at best half his age, and almost certainly has no freaking idea who the Animals are, she's immediately intrigued. Whether the whole guitar thing turns out to be true or not, it certainly works in his favor. The last time I see John, he's about to leave with a giggling Tegan. She's eating up every line he feeds her. As he pays his tab, I ask him if British women are hotter than American women. He says this reminds him of a joke: What do a tightrope walker in New York and a guy getting a blow job in London have in common? They're both thinking, "Don't look down."
1 bottle of Blue Moon lager
1 bottle or can of Guinness Draught
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Fill a pint glass halfway with Blue Moon. Hold a large spoon upside down over the pint glass, and pour the Guinness onto the spoon until the pint glass is full. If done correctly, the drink should have a perfect half-and-half effect. Start working on that fake accent, old chap.