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Dunkin Donuts Flatbread Breakfast Sandwich Falls...Flat

Handheld diabetes delivery system, more commonly referred to as a "donut."
Handheld diabetes delivery system, more commonly referred to as a "donut."
Photos by Christina Uticone

We had lived in Houston for many months before I realized there was, in fact, a Dunkin Donuts in this city. I love Dunkin Donuts -- love, love, love it. You have to understand, I grew up in a town where cute little boutique coffee shops just don't exist (or at least, exist sporadically -- there is one that limps along, frequently changing hands, and quality), so diners and Dunkin were the places we got our coffee.

One morning last year I had a terrible hangover, and while I slept it off my husband went out and about doing early-morning errands. I heard him come home and peeked an eye out of the covers just in time to see him enter our bedroom brandishing that beautiful, white Styrofoam cup with orange and pink letters. My hangover would be vanquished.

Though we rarely go out of our way to grab a cup of Dunkin, what with so many great coffee houses around us, we found ourselves craving a cup over the weekend after dropping the dog off for her summer shave. We settled in for a cup and a snack before going grocery shopping -- a Boston Crème donut for the husband, and an egg-and-sausage flatbread sandwich for me.

Just so you know, as much as I love Dunkin Donuts coffee, I have historically hated their food. You see, I worked at a Dunkin Donuts for several years, on-and-off, as a summer vacation gig during college. I didn't make the donuts (you have to be kind of tall and strong to work the equipment), but I did prep the food and decorate the donuts for many years.

I bet you won't be surprised to learn I don't eat many donuts anymore.

(Not only that, when I worked at Dunkin I wasn't even a coffee drinker -- I drank tea the entire time. I am a freak of nature, I know.)

So, now that you are all caught up with my DD history, let's talk about the meal. I had a nibble of my husband's Boston Crème and found it unbearably sweet -- no shocker there, between the chocolate frosting and Boston crème filling, but even the yeast donut seemed overly sweetened to me. He finished the whole thing, and told me I was crazy and that the donut was perfect.

Dunkin Donuts Flatbread Breakfast Sandwich Falls...Flat

I didn't fare well with my sausage-and-egg flatbread sandwich. The bread was stale in both taste and texture, the egg/spinach/sausage disc was dry and flavorless, and neither the bread nor the egg product were enhanced by the slice of American (processed) cheese (product) melted into a sticky mass in the middle. If the flatbread sandwich had been too salty, that would have been a compliment, but instead Dunkin has managed to crank out a sandwich made entirely of processed foods that is also devoid of even the salty tang of preservatives. After four bites I deemed the sandwich inedible, and went on to Urban Harvest farmers market to drown my sorrows in a Radical Eats tamale.

Dunkin Donuts is clearly not proud of the flatbread sandwich -- it's not listed anywhere on their breakfast sandwich menu. So while I recommend going for the coffee, I don't recommend staying for the food. Damn you, Dunkin.



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