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Fast Times: Chicken Soup and a BLT Sub with Avocado at Subway

Maybe I'm anthropomorphizing my sandwich, but is it grimacing at me?
Maybe I'm anthropomorphizing my sandwich, but is it grimacing at me?
Photos: Christina Uticone

The alternate title for this blog post was "Fast Times: Wasting a Perfectly Good Hangover at Subway." Hangovers and killer death flu situations are my go-to fast food days; something about the loads of salt and sugar and fat takes the edge off of the worst hangovers, and cuts through a bad flu. So I was kind of excited when my Fast Times tasting day coincided with a night-before of too much wine drinking.

Since Subway has recently added fresh avocado to its list of toppings (for a limited time only) I have had it on my Fast Times list. I'm a big avocado fan, and if given the option I'll choose it over cheese any day of the week for my sandwich. But alas, avocados are not superheroes and nothing could salvage this sandwich.

As far as fast food joints go, I like Subway. In 2009 my husband and I drove from Alaska to New York State and back and forth between Houston and New York three times -- do you have any idea how many six inch subs from Subway I ate during these road trips? The answer is: a shit ton. Yes, that is a real measurement -- my husband is a scientist, so you can trust me.

Fast Times: Chicken Soup and a BLT Sub with Avocado at Subway
Dear Christina: You will regret the five seconds immediately after this photo was taken. Love, Future Christina.

This meal was a loser from start to finish. I ordered up the chicken soup because I thought something warm and salty would be comforting; rather, it was a scalding cup of soup that burned my tongue and tasted no better than something out of a can. Subway gets points for serving it with tasty club crackers rather than Saltines, but that's the only plus; I tossed the soup after six bites.

Fast Times: Chicken Soup and a BLT Sub with Avocado at Subway
The bacon is giving me the finger, but did I take the hint? Answer: No.

As far as the sandwich, I am convinced that Subway uses shredded lettuce that is specifically engineered to slide off of the bread as quickly as possible. I had a hangover but not the shakes, so why the lettuce wouldn't stay between the two sides of the bun is beyond me -- I ended up pulling it all off. The bacon was positively soggy -- even McDonald's manages to get bacon crispier -- and the addition of the avocado actually made the overall texture of the sandwich worse: it was a soft, gooey mess with little flavor. I opted out of a toasted bun, but I don't think that's where this sandwich started to fail. The best part of the meal was a bag of Sun Dried Tomato & Basil potato chips by Lays, and they definitely benefited by comparison to the rest of the food.

I skipped a Whataburger for this? My hangover remained unavenged.



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