The first-ever Haute Wheels Houston food truck festival is Saturday and Sunday at the HCC Southwest campus. (If we were in PR, we would've written that the festival is "rolling into H-town!!") There will be beer and wine for sale, so you won't have to hide the fact that you're kind of buzzed on a community college campus. Our life hasn't turned out exactly as we'd hoped, either.

Anyway, to mark the occasion, here's the Health Department Roundup, Mobile Edition. (Addresses listed are what the vendors have on file with the city - we can't be sure if the units will actually be at the addresses provided.)

We'll start with a member of the new generation of Houston food trucks, It's a Wrap (1953 Montrose). (You can tell It's a Wrap is part of the new school based on the name. We believe you'd get your ass kicked using a pun like that on East Crosstimbers, man.) The inspection didn't go great, but they've only been at it for a few days, and none of the violations were particularly nasty. The floor isn't smooth/durable enough; the mesh is "not less than 16 mesh to the 25.4 millimeter," whatever the hell that means; the plumbing was not sized/installed properly; and there was no thermometer in the "warmest part of the facility." So this place is practically spotless compared to some of the vile stuff that goes on in kitchens at nicer restaurants. If you don't know, get a professional waiter drunk and ask him or her about it.

Taqueria Alborado-Taco Lady Express (1302 Miles) got written up for a violation we've never seen before - "Failure to provide enough potable water for the needs of the food establishment." This was a repeat violation, too. Got a job with Taco Lady Express? Better drink your own piss. (The truck was reinspected a couple days later and the violation had been corrected.)

Taco Man #2 (10300 S. Wilcrest) earned a violation for not taking proper pest prevention measures. That doesn't necessarily mean there were rodents or insects present, however. The absence of additional violations implies there weren't. And like we suggested previously in this week's masterpiece, it's naïve to think so-called "roach coaches" are any dirtier than even upscale fixed eateries. What we're getting at is, don't be a sissy.

Honor roll of mobile units that earned perfect marks on inspections in the past week: Tacos Jalisco-El Guero (109 Light Company), Break Time-Mobile Caterers of Texas (3515 Eastex Freeway), Perfecto Pit BBQ (13311 Cullen), Taqueria Los Michoacanos-Mi Jalisco (608 W. Mount Houston) and Taqueria Yazareth (6402 Mykawa). So if you pull up to Yazareth, and you're feelin' about half past dead...no, we can't do that to you, or the Band. We're done. See you.