"It's a list of bathrooms to fuck in, not Homer's Odyssey. Don't go overthinking it."
My girlfriend hurled this sage wisdom at me earlier this week as I planned my trek to nearly two dozen bars I visited to compile this list. If nothing else, I am sure the Greek poet would respect my legwork.
This list was built by polling service-industry veterans, bar patrons and a slutty-looking girl I saw sitting out front of Boondocks (her emphatic answer was "Fuck off!" by the way; I couldn't find that bar on Yelp, however). We rated bars and their washrooms on ambience, ease of entry and egress, feasibility -- sorry, Grand Prize, but one person can't fit in your stalls alone, much less two -- and overall sex appeal.
Our list of the ten best bathrooms to have a shag in is as follows:
BRC was the first Houston bar we remember seeing in the new unisex bathroom trend. Separated from the dining room almost completely, the layout features separate stalls off the main washroom with what one woman knowingly described as "plenty of room."
9. Fitzgerald's Women's Restroom (Upstairs)
This one goes out to all the scene kids and hipsters in the audience. Being equipped with what my mom tells me is formally known as "a peepee," I have yet to see this bathroom. But while I was researching this article, no less than three women offered the upstairs bathroom at the legendary music venue as a viable hookup closet. "Would you even want to fuck in there?" I asked a particularly fussy female friend.
"The whole idea is about being as dirty as possible," she responded, "and you literally can't get much dirtier than that, so I guess it might be hot." And I guess it could be worse; it could be Lola's.
Though it's certainly quieted down since its early buzz days, Reef's dining room is busy most nights, even if the "3rd Bar" is not. The well-appointed bathrooms are off a back hallway, making access for you and your boink buddy easier than a pair of crotchless panties. Bonus points if you pick up some strange at Proof Bar upstairs and bring them down to seal the deal.
