As our group walks into JR.'s Bar and Grill (808 Pacific, 713-521-2519), our gay friend/tour guide explains to us that here, just about everyone is accepted outright, regardless of appearance, orientation or disposition. This is good, because I have the fashion sense of Tom Sizemore on Ketamine, and I was expecting to be crucified for a lack of style. And our friend is right. There's a wide variety of people here tonight, and everyone just seems to be enjoying the karaoke. In fact, the only thing out of the ordinary is the frat boy who belts out "Like a Prayer" with all the heartfelt conviction of the Material Girl. Other than that, it's pretty much like every bar I've ever been to. One dude does come up and sniff my girlfriend's hair, but it turns out he's just curious what kind of shampoo she uses. I ask our guide what the best drink in the house is. "That would have to be the frozen margarita," he says. "It'll be the best one you've ever had." And he's right. But unfortunately, the recipe is top secret. So I opt for another margarita, this time on the rocks with a recipe I can use, and it turns out to be almost as good as the frozen one. "What's the most interesting thing you've ever seen in here?" I ask the bartender. "Oh, honey, I can't do that," he says after thinking for a moment. "You just wouldn't believe me if I told you."
1/2 ounce Cuervo Gold tequila
3 ounces sour mix
1/2 ounce Grand Marnier orange liqueur
Splash orange juice
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Mix all the ingredients in a shaker and pour over ice. Put on some Madonna and work it, girl.