Thursday night's forecast is cloudy with a chance of a tornado that is likely to lift sharks up out of the Pacific Ocean and deposit them in your living room.
Which is to say, SyFy's much-maligned (and instant cult classic) Sharknado will be shown on TV for the second time. When it first premiered on July 11, I didn't really know what to expect. Would the sharks be scary? Would the acting be scary? Would it be scary how much I enjoyed it? Yes, yes and, unfortunately, yes.
Tonight I am better prepared to feast my eyes on this cinematic masterpiece. And while I feast my eyes, I'd like to feast on something else that's apropos. In case you, too, want to host a Sharknado theme party, here are some treats that will get all of your guests (and by that, I mean me and my cat) in the mood for some awesomely terrible, terribly awesome cinema.
6. Seafood First off, let's establish one thing: Sharks do not eat people. Sure, there might be the rare occasion in which a shark munches on a human limb, but generally speaking, sharks prefer other aquatic critters for dinner. And who can blame them? Fish are tasty. Especially raw, sushi-grade fish, which I imagine sharks eat quite a bit of. But man has superior intellect, so we do not need to hunt our prey quite like our Great White buddies. So head on over to your favorite sushi restaurant (I recommend Kata Robata or Sushi Miyagi) and get some stellar raw fish to go. If you feel like preparing something yourself, head to Louisiana Foods Total Catch Market and ask the expert, P.J. Stoops, what should be on the menu.
5. Gummy Sharks I almost want to apologize for this one because it's so obvious. Almost. But gummy sharks (and gummy candy in general) are a weakness of mine, so gummy sharks are on the list. I'm honestly not entirely sure where one should go to purchase gummy sharks, as they always just seem to appear when they know I'm gonna need them. Any candy store or grocery with a bulk candy section should have them, but if DIY is more your thing, most craft stores carry candy molds that can be used, along with this recipe to make just about any gummy critter.
4. Shark Bite Cupcakes One of my favorite bloggers, Emily Schuman of Cupcakes and Cashmere, posted a recipe for Shark Bite Cupcakes a while back that I've been wanting to recreate for a while. I think now is the perfect time. They're a little labor intensive because they make use of a cupcake corer (really, who has one of those?) and fondant (tutorials here), but goshdarnit they're cute! Feel free to buy a cake mix and a container of vanilla or cream cheese icing and jazz up accordingly with blue food coloring. You can also get pre-made fondant at most craft stores. The most important thing is the strawberry jelly blood though, especially when pairing these cupcakes with the horror that is Sharknado.
3. Tornado Cocktail There are at least five variations on a mixed drink called a Tornado, but the most common recipe involves four types of liquor and Coke. It's very similar to a Long Island Iced Tea. To make it, simply mix one ounce each of whiskey, rum, tequila and vodka in a highball glass with ice. Stir in two ounces of Coke and a little bit of sugar, and you've got yourself a not-so-tasty drink that packs quite a punch. On the bright side, this may be the only thing to erase your memories of Tara Reid's stunningly bad
boob job acting.
2. Various food shaped like a tornado Ice cream cones Cotton candy Bugles Belgian frites in a paper cone Pizza cones (for real)
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1. Shark Watermelon When you Google "shark-shaped food" the thing that pops up most frequently is a shark watermelon. I'll be honest; I had never heard of or seen one of these things before. They're actually pretty cute and funny though, and I imagine they could be greatly improved by cutting a hole in the top of the melon and draining a bottle of vodka into it before carving. Make sure you have some blueberries on hand, as well as some unfortunate Swedish fish to place in the shark's mouth for maximum effect. A Barbie would also do.
In case all of this is just not enough Sharknado for you, SyFy has announced that it's planning a sequel to premier in 2014. The network is also holding a Twitter competition to come up with the title for the sequel.
And if 2014 is just too long to wait, SyFy just released the trailer for its newest creature flick: Ghost Shark. It's like Jaws, but with an invisible monster. Way to skimp on the special effects, SyFy. Geez.