Ah, Pasadena, land of refineries, illicit slot machines, and creative domestic disturbances.
We'll let the Associated Press, in its trademark deadpan style, tell the story:
PASADENA, Texas -- Authorities say a Houston-area woman who was burned up at her former common-law husband fried their pet goldfish and ate some of them. Pasadena police say it's a civil matter and no charges will be filed.
The seven goldfish were purchased together by the couple during happier times.
If there's a more heartbreaking sentence than "The seven goldfish were purchased together by the couple during happier times," we've yet to hear it. ("Jesus wept," maybe. But that didn't have any goldfish in it.)
How best to go about frying goldfish? Or at least how best to do it Pasadena-style?
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We turned to an expert.
Our Robb Walsh opined:
Goldfish are about the same size as smelts. Smelts and other minnows are considered a delicacy in France and Italy, where they are dipped in batter and flash-fried. No need to gut them -- just eat them whole with pickles, and a garlic mayonnaise for dipping.
On the south shore of Lake Lausanne, fried minnows are usually accompanied by a cold Chasselas wine.
Half cup flour
1 teaspoon pepper flakes
salt and pepper to taste
1 egg, slightly beaten
2 tablespoons milk
Rinse the goldfish. Mix the flour with pepper flakes, salt and black pepper. Heat the oil in a deep pan or fryer to 350 degrees F. Combine the egg and milk. Dip the fish in flour, then egg and milk and then flour again. Drop into the hot oil.
Fry for a few minutes until crisp and cooked through. (This will depend on the size of the goldfish.) Serve with cornichons and an aioli for dipping.
We're guessing the Pasadena version of all this calls less for "a cold Chasselas wine" than it does "a six-pack of Natty Light tallboys," but what do we know?