MORE

Patriotic Pastries For Your Fourth

Tiny hot-dog- and hamburger-toppers on cupcakes at Randall's.
Tiny hot-dog- and hamburger-toppers on cupcakes at Randall's.

No holiday in America is complete these days without an amusing and sometimes absurd selection of appropriately holiday-themed baked goods available for sale at your local grocery store.

We hit up Randall's, Kroger and H-E-B in a search for the best stars-and-stripes sweets for your Fourth of July holiday weekend. We can't guarantee they'll taste good or be good for you, but -- like the fireworks -- this is really more about the spectacle than anything else.

Patriotic Pastries For Your Fourth

Isn't there something in the Constitution that prohibits construction of the American flag out of cupcakes?

Patriotic Pastries For Your Fourth

Somehow, the silliness of making designs out of cupcakes meshes perfectly with the silliness of thinking that putting a yellow ribbon on the bumper of your car somehow supports the troops abroad.

Patriotic Pastries For Your Fourth

Not in the mood for cupcakes or layers of white cake? You can always pick up a cookie cake without having to brave the crowds at the mall.

Patriotic Pastries For Your Fourth

"Summer" watermelon cakes are also available for those who want to be festive but not "too festive." We don't buy into this; if you're going to get a Fourth of July cake, you go all the way and you buy a freaking firecracker cake! See below.

Patriotic Pastries For Your Fourth

Now that's a Fourth of July cake! It's a firecracker! It's an American flag! It's an...arrow! (Actually, we're not quite sure what it is...BUT IT'S RED, WHITE AND BLUE. THESE COLORS DON'T RUN.)

Patriotic Pastries For Your Fourth

This cake is our unexpected favorite. It's basically a giant Rice Krispie treat with only the bare minimum of corn syrup-laden frosting. You really can't get any better than this.

Patriotic Pastries For Your Fourth

See? A half-assed watermelon cupcake cake. It's just a slow, backwards slide into Cake Wrecks from here...


Sponsor Content