"Two margaritas in, who gives a fuck, my man!?" asks our cabbie on the way to Pico's Mexican Restaurant (5941 Bellaire, 713-622-8383) as he explodes into a fit of laughter. Mr. Taxi is explaining that it doesn't matter who has the best margaritas in town, because after two doses, you're not going to know or care about the quality of the drinks. He's been espousing this sort of cynical wisdom to me and my date, a hot brunette with legs longer than the GOP's donation roster, during our long, expensive mistake of a cab ride to Bellaire.
The brunette and I finally arrive, but can't find our way into the restaurant. After far too long, we realize that the front door is hidden under this grass hut roof that was ostensibly designed for midgets. It's a good sign: Zero drinks in and we're already making asses of ourselves. One fishbowl-sized margarita later, I realize that taking a cab for a night out is somewhat like getting a hotel room: Care for consequence loses its bearing, because you aren't the one who has to clean up the mess. So you become Billy Idol. "Another one, my friend?" asks the waiter. "Sure!" I reply. "Party time!" he exclaims. Repeat cycle.
The hot brunette and I begin to laugh loudly and obnoxiously, like two teenagers on a first date, too giddy to shut up, too nervous to keep talking. Between mole and ceviche, we swap stories of crazy family trips, vague Nintendo game references and bizarre tales of high school misadventures. Two hours into our evening, I realize that this is the girl I used to daydream about when I was 14, and that I can't let her get away. I must somehow make it illegal for her to have sex with anyone else.
"Let's get married!" I say to her, and then explain my reasoning. She replies with a slap to the face. "Yep," I think to myself as I rub the side of my face. "This is the one."
2 oz. Bacardi Rum
1/2 oz. Triple Sec
1/2 oz. lime juice
1 tsp. simple syrup
1 egg white
1 sprig mint
1 cup crushed ice
Combine Bacardi Rum, Triple Sec, lime juice, simple syrup and egg white in a shaker with half of the crushed ice. Shake vigorously, until frost forms on shaker. Strain into highball glass. Top off with the other half crushed ice.
Get the Food & Drink Newsletter
Our weekly guide to Houston dining includes food news and reviews, as well as dining events and interviews with chefs and restaurant owners.