I had the brilliant idea to surprise my man with a Brazilian bikini wax. Coming from a generation that was a tad bit hairier, I knew I needed to get liquored up before letting anyone near my hoo-ha with hot wax. Ironically, the closest bar was Scott Gertner's Sports Bar Live (3100 Fountainview Dr., 713-785-1840), a testosterone-infused joint full of manly men drinking beer and watching the live 790 AM radio program Sports Animal hosted by Charlie and David, who were taking calls from hooligans. The only female present was Ebony, an extremely cute bartender and "sports hottie" in short shorts and even shorter T-shirt. I let her in on my surprise, asked if she had any experience with that sort of thing and solicited a suggestion for a drink. With a sympathetic, knowing look, she served me up the Sports Bar Punch — a serious cocktail she claimed would numb anybody (or, I hoped, anything). With my inhibitions almost gone halfway through my drink, I toyed with the idea of calling the radio jocks and asking them if they thought a wax job would get me to first base, help me score or just make me an eligible receiver. Instead, I finished my drink, semi-bravely set out for my appointment and wondered if a trip to Victoria's Secret would work instead.
1/2 ounce gin
1/2 ounce vodka
Scott Gertner's Sports Bar Live
1/2 ounce rum
1/2 ounce triple sec
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Splash of orange juice
Splash of pineapple juice
Splash of grenadine
Mix all ingredients in a shaker over ice. Pour into a hurricane glass and look for the landing strip.