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Smooth vs. Chunky: Not Peanut Butter, GUACAMOLE

Chunky guacamole
Chunky guacamole
Photo by sea turtle

I realized the other day the real reason why I don't purchase packaged guacamole, ever. I virtually always just buy ripe avocados, tomatoes, limes and maybe some onions and mash them all together in my favorite red mixing bowl with a small chip from the time I accidentally dropped it on the kitchen floor following the unexpected appearance of an albino squirrel outside my window.

Cooking a particular type of food exclusively at home, by the way, is extremely unusual for me. In fact, I can't think of another food item that I never buy and always make by hand. My husband, on the other hand, would, if he had the opportunity, combine hydrogen and oxygen to render his own water.

More like crapamole.
More like crapamole.
Photo by Cory Doctorow

Originally, my aversion to buying guacamole was motivated by financial reasons because it's usually about 150 percent cheaper to buy the ingredients yourself. But I know now that even if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would continue to boycott grocery store versions because I demand chunky guacamole. And that type of 'mole, my friends, H-E-B, Kroger, Randalls, etc. seem incapable of selling.

I have no objections to guacamole that is balanced and moderately blended. Certainly, you don't want your chip to emerge holding nothing but tomatoes and peppers with a vague glaze of avocado. An evenly mixed guacamole, however, does not have to come at the expense of chunks, which are integral to the superior guacamole experience. That overly creamed crap you so often find in the supermarket is not a robust dip nor a thick sauce, it's a mangy soup. If you dunk a Tostito into it, the chip emerges dripping. That is not good.

Premade/store-bought guacamole and chunky guacamole shouldn't in theory be mutually exclusive, but they sure seem to be. I can only then assume that I am in the minority with regards to my strong feelings regarding the necessity of chunks in guacamole. But readers, have you found a brand or store version of guacamole that actually resembles the rockier mixture I so passionately insist upon?


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