"I'd hate to own a bar," says Sergeant B. "I'd have to deal with people like me." He's talking about agitated drinkers, and in this case, the source of the agitation is a Monday Night Football bingo game at Front Porch Pub (217 Gray, 713-571-9571). Bingo and anger normally go together like mascara and the rainy season, but this is different: On these boards, the squares feature events that happen over the course of a football game (from "WR scores TD" to "Useless stat displayed"). You mark off a square only after the judges call it, and if they didn't see that three-and-out, it never happened, Sarge.

Since more booze always serves to calm, I ask fellow bingo player and Poison Girl bartender Evan for a recommendation. He wants to try his bar's signature shot at a different establishment, so we order a round of Poison Girls. I halfway expect the space-time continuum to disintegrate after ordering a Montrose staple in darkest Midtown, but the universe survives, and the drinks come out fine. Evan pronounces them "close enough." Sergeant B. says his "tastes like candy." Better than defeat, buddy.

1/2 ounce bourbon

1/2 ounce DeKuyper Razzmatazz raspberry liqueur

1/2 ounce vodka

splash of sweet and sour

Shake over ice and strain into glass. Do not make fun of the guy who selects a Jägermeister cooler with built-in Red Bull holders as his bingo prize unless you like bar fights.