If you go out on St. Patty's Day or New Year's Eve, you'll encounter hordes of unseasoned drinkers. They're an irritating but forgivable element of the high-drinking holidays. But what possesses a lightweight to push it past the point of no dignity before 10 p.m. on an August Tuesday? My friend John and I were smoking on The Dubliner's (4219 Washington, 713-861-2300) quiet back patio (the bar is mercifully unlike most of its Washington Avenue neighbors during the week) when a guy and two girls sat down a couple tables over. Not ten minutes later we heard what sounded like someone spilling a bucket of oatmeal. We turned to see one girl in the familiar head-in-the-arms position. "At least I didn't throw up in my hair, right?" she mumbled. (Yeah, you deserve a certificate of merit for accurately predicting the trajectory of your vomit and adjusting your hair accordingly. That or a fist bump for getting lucky.) The trio left shortly after that, and John and I followed inside to get a shot from bartender Chelsea. She was mixing us a sweet specialty called a Strawberry Pamcake when I saw the harshest blow of all on the amateur's receipt. Fifty bucks worth of Bailey's-based drinks and a goose egg on the tip line — here's hoping she hits her hair next time.
1 ounce Stoli strawberry vodka
1 ounce Malibu rum
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Splash pineapple juice
Splash cranberry juice
Shake over ice and strain into a shot glass. Named after the perpetually lovely Pam, a veteran bartender at Dubliner sister bar The Harp.