The Five Best Places to Break Up
Have a coffee break...up
Andrew Fischer & B.Viggiano
With summer flings coming to an end, it's time to put up or break up. And as we all know, breaking up is hard to do. Just ask Neil Sedaka. So, I'm about to make it easier with a list of Houston's top spots to ditch your sweetheart-turned-slightly-creepy-stalker. These places will provide the perfect ambiance for a mess free break-up, with easy escape routes and instant rebound options to boot.
Get your best "it's not you it's me" speech ready and turn those tears into beers at these local joints:
This dueling piano bar gets rowdy on Friday and Saturday nights, supplying just enough loud music and chaos to confuse your ex-lover once you break the bad news. You can even use the live music to your advantage. Their riveting rendition of TLC's "No Scrubs" will do the work for you. Just don your best space suit, look your man in the eye and repeat after me: "Nooooo, scrubbbs, no, no!" If he doesn't get the point by the third chorus, that's his fault, not yours. Want a softer approach? Try some Righteous Brothers "Lost That Loving Feeling" as you break it to your girl that it's just not there anymore. The soft melodies from the piano will ease the tension and soothe the heart. If not, the giant fishbowls should help.
What's a break-up without ice cream? Bring your soon-to-be-ex-sweet for some sweets at Houston Press Best of Houston winner award winner. The chocolate euphoria created by over-indulgence may boost serotonin levels enough to fool your new ex into a temporary state of well being. Just make sure to ditch out before it wears off. But watch out. With choices like the rich chocolately Creamy Dreamy Truffle and decadent Toffee Coffee Time, you may want to limit yourself to just a few bites - you are back on the market after all.
Happy hour available so you don't have to break the bank for that last drink? Check. Crowded bar so your date can't make a scene? Check. Hot singles for an instant rebound? Check. 'Nough said.
If you want to give your ex the respect of a last meal, there's nothing better than quick and cheap Chinese. This place has all the pluses; above average Chinese food, incredibly speedy service, a great location right next to a liquor store (in case you're feeling the guilt and you want to pick up a six-pack), and most importantly, an eerily quiet atmosphere. Seriously, I was there last week with my fiancé and we even ordered in whispers. It's awkward enough trying to chew your crispy noodles there, let alone cry hysterically over a break up - this place is a drama-free guarantee.
In case you have a lurking suspicion that your soon-to-be ex-lover is a raging psychotic, this place has a few major positives. First, located right in downtown's open and airy Market Square park, it provides instant access to several quick and easy escape routes. Second, and perhaps of even more importance - plastic silverware. No Lorena Bobbits welcome. Finally, of much less significance but I just wanted to add it, their falafel rocks.
Happy break-up season!
Get the Food & Drink Newsletter
Our weekly guide to Houston dining includes food news and reviews, as well as dining events and interviews with chefs and restaurant owners.
More RESTAURANTS News
- Houston's 5 Best Weekend Food Bets, Plus One More (for America!)
- Upcoming Houston Food Events: A Reverse Beer Dinner With Kevin & Chris
- Openings and Closings in Houston: Bramble (and the Return of Randy Rucker) Arriving Soon
- 100 Favorite Houston Dishes 2015: No. 85, Hunter's Honey Roasted Duck At Brennan's of...