Outlined against a blue neon beer sign, the Four Horsemen rode again. In dramatic lore they are known as famine, pestilence, destruction and death. These are only aliases. Their real names are: tequila, rum, vodka and gin. They formed the crest of the booze cyclone that swept me and my team of research assistants over the precipice at the Marquis II (2631 Bissonnet; 713-522-2090) last Friday night, as several other bar patrons looked on in shocked bewilderment. Here, it will be recalled for years to come, were the victims of the onslaught: eight gentlemen, some in slacker habiliments, others more conservative in their sartorial selection, all seemingly rational and, at least by liberal-state standards, intelligent. They knew better than to schedule this contest — an idea probably hatched over beers (or worse). Yet they stood in defiance as the barman passed the Horsemen's mixture known as Long Island Iced Tea at their inadequately defended constitutions. Biblical destruction followed, and the Horsemen ran rough-shod through the night. Were they tragic heroes or simple fools? Only those who have attempted to tackle a cyclone can know. L.I. Teas at the "Deuce" are cheap on Tuesdays, so see you next Tea Day, sports fans.
2 ounces Juarez tequila
2 ounces Castillo rum
2 ounces Heaven Hill vodka
2 ounces Taaka gin
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Sweet and sour mix
Splash of Coca-Cola
Combine liquors in a tall mason jar with ice; add sweet and sour mix; top with Coke. Heavy on the ice. Apologies to Mr. Rice.