The Shameless Chef: Hamburger Soup

Oh my dear God, this recipe has vegetables in it. I am deeply ashamed.
Oh my dear God, this recipe has vegetables in it. I am deeply ashamed.

Let's face it, my saucy little aardvarks; these past couple of weeks, I've given you creative goddamn gold. I've been shooting unique, simple dishes at you like it's no big deal. Well, today I've decided to go with something even simpler than normal, something absolutely anyone can throw together from stuff you've probably had sitting in your freezer forever, a nourishing meal that goes down easy and sits satisfyingly even if you're as hungover as I am right now. A helpful tip: Never, ever go shot-for-shot with anyone on the Rocks Off crew. They drink like 60-year-old ex-cops trying to forget a murder.

You will need:

  • 1 pound hamburger
  • 1 12-ounce sack of mixed vegetables
  • 2 cans of beef broth
  • Garlic powder
  • Pepper
  • If you have one: a bay leaf
  • Yes, we're throwing a leaf in there. This is a terrific recipe for those of you who enjoy lawn clippings.
    Yes, we're throwing a leaf in there. This is a terrific recipe for those of you who enjoy lawn clippings.

    Start heating up a skillet and a pot. Dump the beef broth into the pot and let it heat up so you won't be waiting as long for it to boil, then start browning the hamburger in the skillet. While the hamburger is browning, you can go ahead and dump the mixed vegetables in with the broth, as well as the bay leaf. Add some water if you need to, especially if you're using condensed broth. I took this opportunity to drink some of that water, because I had sweat out enough tequila to stun a yak.

    Effective time management.
    Effective time management.

    Mix a tablespoon of garlic powder and a half-tablespoon of pepper in with the meat and stir it all together. Once your meat is brown, drain it and put it in the pot with the broth and vegetables. Bring it to a boil, then reduce the heat to low, cover it, and let it simmer for 30 minutes. This mixes all the flavors together.

    It'll also give you an opportunity to curl up in the bathtub, cry, and make several promises to God that both you and He know you are not going to keep.
    It'll also give you an opportunity to curl up in the bathtub, cry, and make several promises to God that both you and He know you are not going to keep.

    Once it's done simmering, just pour it into your favorite soup bowl and enjoy. You may need to add a little salt but not too much; two cans of beef broth contains a shitload of sodium, as it is. Go easy on your internal organs for once. I know I, personally, owe mine many apologies.

    Once again I have created a dish that, while delicious, is about as photogenic as a car accident. See you next week, everybody!
    Once again I have created a dish that, while delicious, is about as photogenic as a car accident. See you next week, everybody!

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