Ah, Midtown. Most of us know it as a playground for yuppies and trance DJs. But there's more to it than the hair-gel-and-stretch-shirt crowd. Several new clubs have sprung up that cater to a wide variety of folks. As one patron tells me, "It'za gonnah be like Houshton'shz verzhun of Shixth Shtreet." Given that he looks like an extra from Cheers, I take him as an authority. So when I walk into The Tipsy Clover (2416 Brazos, 713-524-8782), with its jukebox blaring Pixies, I realize he might be right: This isn't your slick, clubhopping car salesman's Midtown. I sit down and order the strongest drink in the bar, which turns out to be the Closer, so named because it tends to seal the deal on one-night stands. Boasting an amount of alcohol that could floor even Keith Richards, the Closer is as intimidating as it is enticing. With two Closers down the hatch in a short time, I realize my Cheers friend is right: Thish iz kindah lika Houston'shz verzhun of Shixth Shtreet. Doing my part to make it a little more authentic, I promptly exit the side door to puke.
1 ounce Captain Morgan's rum
1 ounce Tanqueray gin
1 ounce Absolut Citron vodka
Splash DeKuyper Raspberry Pucker
Splash sweet & sour mix
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Fill a highball glass with equal parts rum, gin and vodka. Add a splash each of Pucker and sweet & sour mix. Top off with Sprite. Add a lemon and a straw, and consider the deal closed. Practice your sick voice for the phone call to work tomorrow morning.