Some forward-thinking brewers are already thinking of ways for you to get wasted in space (space-ted), since their burgeoning space tourism industry should be available to non-billionaires very soon. Don't you think they'll want some cocktails, too?
Sweet tea: necessity or travesty? Plenty of you sounded off on the never-ending battle this week, but surely we can all agree on one thing: that "Brisk" stuff was teh-heh-heh-heh-herrible.
Speaking of terrible, Whole Foods almost burned down this week, which would have been a shame. Fortunately, first responders were able to quench the blaze with liberal dousings of kombucha and pomegranate juice before any major damage was caused.
(God, we hope kombucha comes back soon. Papa needs his Divine Grape.)
We had a look at some candies that will make your neighborhood tick-or-treaters seek vengeance upon your household, and were reminded multiple times of one crucial omission: circus peanuts, which are made from refurbished pencil erasers and spackle. You guys are absolutely right, circus peanuts are godawful. Once every two or three years we forget and buy a bag, and then swear to ourselves we'll never forget again. Never again.
You can become a beekeeper hobbyist, did you know that? Yup, you can. We're waiting for some enterprising local brewers to get on board with this and ferment some honey. Houston deserves its own mead.
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SHOW ME HOW
We had a National Taco Day, and not one of you bastards told us. Well, okay, we checked our phone and a couple of people had texted us about it, but you know damn well we sleep 'til 3:30 p.m. most days. At this point, only divine intervention could get us onto a human sleeping schedule.
We checked out Umai, a Japanese restaurant which serves almost no sushi and sashimi, to which we enthusiastically voice our support. Sushi has to be the most overrated seafood craze of all time. It's fish and rice, for God's sake. And seaweed. Seaweed! Fuck that. We'd rather have anything served up at one of our city's fine food festivals.
Last week we told you all about why your food photos suck, now we're giving you advice on how to make them better. Don't say we're not willing to help. Hell, we'll even admit when something made in Dallas is tasty. We're embiggened people here.
Finally, Saint Arnold's Divine Reserve No. 10 is coming soon. Time to get in the mood by retasting the 9 previous variations. Just don't go heading down this particular memory lane if you have to do any driving today.