Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where it took us five days to figure out that the person sitting in Robb Walsh's cubicle was no longer Robb, but a surprisingly realistic, life-size Pez dispenser. Yeah, we may not be the most observant department in the world, but you know what, we've got a strawberry-banana flavored Pez tablet the size of a kitten and you don't, so there.
We started the week off with a first-hand look at the famous Indian ghost pepper, a weapons-grade spice presumably so named because more than a milligram will kill your ass dead. Hopefully they'll use less insane spices at the Crawfish Festival, but we wouldn't count on it. Those dudes are intense, man.
After hitting the (surprisingly wineless) Wine Revolution at Brenner's On the Bayou, we listed some common tourist dining mistakes and some kitchen tools that are damn near impossible to clean. We left one out though; the grilled-cheese sandwich maker, which is makes for an awkward clean because you're always afraid you're going to get water down in the cracks amongst the circuitry and the stupid thing's going to short out and start a fire the next time you try to cook some grilled cheese.
We also tried to shave a couple years off your life spans with some recipes for ramen and chicken 'n' dumplins, so we're sorry about that. On the other hand, we did look into some healthy milk alternatives to find out which had the least repulsive "THIS IS OBVIOUSLY NOT MILK" flavor, so maybe that'll make up for it a bit.
Our own Katharine Shilcutt had a cover story this week, interviewing many of Houston's tattooed food personalities about their ink. If you're one of these employers who still balks at employees with tattoos, seriously, grow the fuck up. They're not just for bikers anymore.
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SHOW ME HOW
Good news for those of you who don't care for the roofing tar / pine mulch aftertaste of IPAs: Houston is getting some microbrewed Mexican pilsner-style beer. Maybe if you drink enough of it you can ward off mosquitos, or at least get drunk enough to where you can't feel them biting the bejeezus out of you.
You were supposed to turn in your taxes yesterday, and for those of you who just shouted "OH SHIT!" and began frantically filing for an extension, we have some good news: once you're done turning over a couple of paychecks to the government, there are many tax-day specials around town that will go easy on your pocketbook.
We're grateful that someone finally listed the 10 best restaurants in the suburban hellscape that is Clear Lake, where TWiD currently resides and pines sorrowfully for life back inside the loop, where we would only have to drive a little ways to hit up the St. Arnold's tour and then dine at one of the Houston staples nearby. *sigh* Bananarama was right; it's gonna be a cruel summer.
We're learning to take comfort in our... citrus juicers? Yeah... we feel much better now, thanks. For those of you who comfort-eat, like TWiD, there's good news in the form of our new feature, "Healthy Alternatives", which will look at local dishes that are good for you without tasting like papier mache. Now we just need to get off our lazy asses and move around a little bit - we believe they call it "exercise" - and we'll be all set. OW! Ohhh, ouch, that's a pulled hammy. Gotta lie down.