This Week in Deliciousness

Pro tip for parents: get your kids to eat jackfruit by pretending it's alien food.
Pro tip for parents: get your kids to eat jackfruit by pretending it's alien food.

Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we're still trying to think of a title for our Nicolas Cage-themed cookbook. We were going to go with Braising Arizona, but we just don't think enough people would get it.

We started this week off with a whimsical look into some old nursery rhyme foods, which, like the nursery rhymes they're from, are equal parts wonderful and disgustingly cruel. Blackbird pie? Yecchh. And they didn't even bother killing the birds first. People in ye olde times were weird.

The Food Network did some filming at Zelko's Bistro, and we're going to miss that place when the lovely Jamie Zelko inevitably skyrockets to fame. We'd need some comfort food to get over it... perhaps from a food truck owned and operated by our own Jason Kerr? Fried Nutter Butters, man. That is genius.

If you've got some buzzards you need knocked off of your shit wagon, you might try consuming any of these five bad-breath-causing foods. We're guessing the new Whataburger taquito with chorizo doesn't exactly leave your breath smelling all that terrific, either, but that's how you know a breakfast burrito is good: when co-workers start asking if you forgot to brush your teeth, or perhaps if you brushed them with leftover cheese.

Good news for political songwriters who needed something to rhyme with "jackboots": jackfruit is now on the scene, making people slightly uncomfortable until they man up and taste it. Same goes for Burger Park, the subject of this week's cover story; not the best neighborhood, but you gotta try these burgers. Any spiritual sibling of Cream Burger gets an instant TWiD stamp of approval.

Don't want to pay a dollar per oyster? Of course you don't, that's kind of crazy. Well, you can get them more reasonably priced at Danton's, where the waitstaff is friendly and the old folks' hands are finally warm, assuming they're wrapped around a cup of soup. Hey, it's tough getting older, when the circulation to your extremities gets shoddy and kids start loitering about all over your damn lawn. Can we blame an old gal if she gets upset when denied the proper amount of beef? I submit to you that no, we cannot.

We shouldn't poke fun; we're already too old to be eating as much frozen pizza as we do, but we can't help it, some of them are just so frigging delicious. We know we should be making home-cooked meals for ourselves, but we just can't find anyone to teach us. If only there were some knowledgeable badass somewhere offering classes...

What's a good name for abominations in a bottle? Abottlenations? Sounds too political. Whatever we come up with, Jones Cola, who ordinarily cranks out delicious soda, certainly has a line of flavors that would make all but the most tastebud-deadened of hobos gag. On the flipside, good old reliable Dr Pepper may be the only soda that actually tastes good hot. And since HEB started selling Dublin Dr Peppers and our neighbor's lemon tree is now in bloom, it's gonna be a tasty-ass winter.

Finally, we close with some album covers festooned with sex, food, and sexy food. Have a sexy, foody weekend.


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