This Week in Deliciousness

We're not sure what everything on this plate is, but it's all fried, so count us in.
We're not sure what everything on this plate is, but it's all fried, so count us in.

Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we firmly believe that serving weak-ass, vinegar-y barbecue sauce should be punishable by a Singapore-style caning, at the very least. Luckily, that doesn't seem to be a problem for Gatlin's, a new barbecue joint that just opened up in the Heights and seems to be serving delicious barbecue inside the loop. Burn's BBQ is back, too. A new day has dawned.

We stirred up a hornet's nest of admiration and praise with our well-received piece on the foodie backlash, which was so universally beloved, we felt we simply had to follow it up with instructions on how, specifically, to spot a foodie. Hint: it's a lot of the same methods you use to spot other species of douchebag.

We like this idea of the "beer mile," and would like to see more variations on the theme of consuming wildly inappropriate things to immediately precede a nice long run. The "ice cream mile" seems like a good one. Or maybe the "clam pizza mile." No wait, we've got it: the "shrimp and sushi mile." Oh man, would that ever be some spectacular-looking vomit. Those ants would eat for years.

What's so "green" about Ruggles Green? Mainly, the snot coating the many, many children constantly crammed into the place. We don't get parents with small children. We'd no sooner go out to eat with a chimpanzee. Just stay huddled indoors eating delivery food until the little snowflakes hit high school. Seems excessive? Even alarmingly selfish? Yes. We're tired of long lines at the Blue Bell plant.

Feeling up to waging a one-man war on food? Here you go, sport. We're not responsible for your arteries going to shit.

We've been around. We've caused an international incident, sampled every dive bar we could find, and even distilled the perfect sandwich, complete with an adorable acronym. This week, we shared our vast catalog of experience with you, the reader, by letting you know why your hostess hates you. Hey, this is useful information for you to know, unless you enjoy your food coming to you stamped with the busboy's dickprint.

Pupusas sound like a type of caterpillar, so it's a good thing that in reality, they're delicious pockets of exotic meats and spices. And there exists a buffet of them. We're sold. Now if we could only think of some way to combine them with tits.

Tortillas are important, so it takes time and care to make sure you're getting good ones. Of course, some of us are firmly against taking time and care to do anything. Not to worry; we've got you covered, too.

Let's hit up a good happy hour, go get some fried seafood, and start this weekend off proper.

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