This Week in Deliciousness

Gourmet what, though? For the love of God, how am I supposed to know what is served in this establishment?
Gourmet what, though? For the love of God, how am I supposed to know what is served in this establishment?

Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where even today we sometimes think back fondly to the muffin boom of the late '90s. Remember? Before all this cupcake business? I don't know how we, as a society, turned our back on the muffin. It is by far the better compact, toadstool-shaped pastry.

We started the week off right by French-toasting some damn tortillas. Holy hell, it's like the Shameless Chef is being channeled. That right, there is some MacGuyver-level foodprovisation French-toasting some damn tortillas.

A barista learned this week that just because someone doesn't dress themselves like a Montrose hipster doesn't mean they don't know their shit. Stereotypes were made to be broken. Except for frat boys. That stereotype is always accurate, 100 percent of the time. Anyone who disagrees is lying.

Need some way to get rid of your excess Halloween candy besides, uh, eating it? Drop it in your booze! That's perfectly healthy behavior. And if you like combining things, you can try the new Asian fusion restaurant, opening soon. The word "fusion" is fine as long as it's food and not music.

Bœuf bourguignon is massively irritating to spell, especially with that non-letter that looks like an "o" and an "e" having anal sex. It's so irritating, in fact, that I'm gonna go ahead and declare bœuf bourguignon the Shia Lebœuf of beef stews.

I don't think Majorca secretly slips bull testicles into all of their meals, but their decor kind of suggests that they might. Or it's trying to make you think they might. Either way, a huge mural of a dude in a tight, shiny, golden ballerina costume stabbing a cow to death is a pretty funny aphrodisiac. Know what works better? Cheap booze.

November 3 was Sammich Day, but don't feel bad if you missed it; it just means you have a jump on getting prepared for next year's festivities. Speaking of festivities: holy crap, Red Lobster's Endless Shrimp Assault is back! How the heck do they do it?! Easy: the shrimp is really, really bad. It's super simple to put together complex food schemes if you don't worry about whether or not they're any good.

Finally: Plonk still doesn't have a sign and they could frankly care less if you can't find them because if you haven't been there already then screw you. It's Eric Cartman's brilliant "You Can't Come" business strategy all over again!

Have a mediocre weekend! Oh what the heck... have a great weekend!



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