This Week in Deliciousness

Whoever said corn had no nutritional value obviously never fried it and smeared it with mayonnaise and salt.
Whoever said corn had no nutritional value obviously never fried it and smeared it with mayonnaise and salt.

Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating Our Words, where we're going to revolutionize the natural sweetener industry with our newest invention, high fructose yam syrup. Keep your eyes peeled for the official date of our start-up party in Florida, Gettin' Yammy In Miami™! Brought to you by our new joint venture with funding from Billy Corgan called Extracting Tubers. Too much?

We started things off this week with a big, juicy burger partially marinated in Shiner beer. Hefley's, did you sneak a peak into our Wish Diary? You did? Well then go ahead and pass it right along to the female cast of Dollhouse, if you wouldn't mind. Let's get this ball a-rollin'. Jeez, more burger goodness here, too.

They have classes on booze now. It's probably not worth college credit, which just goes to show how out of touch the average "higher learning institution" is.

For an aesthetics-pleasing experience, you might want to hit up the almost-too-pretty Flora & Muse. For the opposite effect, here's Lady Gaga in a meat dress. Boy, what an interesting and controversial individual. Whatever will this daring pop queen think of nexZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Gelato didn't make our list of 5 foods to enjoy before the end of summer, but it probably should have, if not for the fact that this year has been so damned hot it's probably going to hover between 75 and 80 degrees all winter. We've got a lot of nerve referring to our series of mild cold fronts as "winter," actually.

We had a look at Sushipop, which we understand is a lot like a push-pop except instead of orange ice cream, it's fish. Yum! Sounds delicious, but not as delicious as a tasty death courtesy of the "O"-shaped head of Jell-O™ Man. It's a shame the Keebler Elves never got their own comic book. It would have been like Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers, only with cookies.

Tables are overrated. Pull up a bar stool and dine in style, we say. Makes hitting on the bartender a lot easier, that's for sure. Maybe you can talk her into accompanying you to the parking lot after work for some elotes. If she doesn't ask "What the hell is elote?" when you mention it, hang on to that one. That's what we call a keeper.

Restaurant in trouble? Doors shutting soon? Employees shouting about unpaid wages? Who gives a shit, just open a better restaurant somewhere else. Everything will work itself out.

Don't be yet another sucker who serves lukewarm pizza and store-bought wings at your Game Day festivities. Put some thought into it. Your friends will thank you. Unless they're like our friends, in which case they'll eat everything and either leave without saying goodbye or pass out in the attic. The attic, Ted! What the hell were you even doing up in the attic, man? We're worried about you, buddy. Please get some help.

We're not the only scintillatingly well-built website in Houston; these are pretty good, too. These... not so much. Trust us, we know from bad websites; we used to have an Angelfire page. Look, it was a long time ago. Things were different in the '90s.


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