Welcome back to the weekly roundup here at Eating... Our Words, where leftover Halloween candy is still causing expensive dental work. I usually open this column with a joke, but I couldn't think of anything funnier or more absurd than reality, in which our chief food critic destroyed two of her own teeth with a single Milk Dud. Sorry, Katharine. It really does make the time I accidentally pulled my retainer loose with a Now-N-Later seem like not such a big deal, so if someone could go back in time 15 years or so and explain that to my parents, I'd really appreciate it.
The week got easier to handle from there, with a look at the eagerly -anticipated downtown location of The Burger Guys. Spoiler if you haven't read the article yet: There is no downside in this situation.
Thanksgiving is coming up, and if you haven't started preparing for it yet, now's the time. As always, we're eager to help you out, and first up: get some cheap yet high-quality wine to maximize that tryptophan effect. Really, if you remember the second half of Thanksgiving Day, you're doing it wrong. Also doing it wrong: lots of people when they try to cook a turkey. Surprisingly, it's not just yokels on YouTube dropping their frozen turkeys into the deep fryer and setting themselves on fire; there are many more subtle aspects to be aware of. I, for one, did not know that nearly 300 people a year are killed by "giblets," which are carnivorous eel-like creatures that can survive in an undercooked turkey, attack in a swarm when the turkey is cut, and can skeletonize a human being in under five minutes.
If you don't feel like dealing with that -- and who can blame you -- we've provided some possible alternatives to turkey. If you just don't feel safe in the kitchen at all, here are some places that will be serving food on Thanksgiving Day. We really do spoil you.
This week was not without bad news: You coffee drinkers have only got 60 years or so to wean yourselves off of the stuff before it disappears entirely. Or maybe not, nobody's really sure. We are sure, however, that four Rice Epicurean Markets are closing down, which is sad. That was the first place I ever bought a ton of See's candy just for the hell of it.
We had a look at some of the more common old wives' tales regarding restaurants, and what do you, know, old wives as usual turn out to be full of shit. Stop spreading this crap around, old wives! What is it with you?
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Finally, to send you off this week, we've got a couple top ten lists: the best places to eat in Midtown, and the best all-day breakfasts. That latter one will especially come in handy if you go out drinking Thanksgiving evening. Have fun!