Top 10 Worst Easter Candies

Yes, Peeps are on the list, but they aren't number one...
Yes, Peeps are on the list, but they aren't number one...
Photo by Terren

It's that glorious time of year once again. Spring has sprung, we're turning on our air conditioners, and an entire aisle of the grocery store is devoted to sugar-coated, pastel-colored Easter things. If you're a parent, you'll likely be heading to said aisle sometime soon to stock up on candy to place in your children's baskets. If you're me, you'll be heading there the day after Easter to get everything at half price.

Either way, you need some guidance.

Too often as a child (and even now) I found my stock of Easter goodies marred by a few rotten eggs, so to speak. A few items that never should have made it past beta testing in the candy factory. A few too many marshmallow-esque creations.

So regardless of whom you're buying Easter candy for this year, please consider the multitude of options out there. And don't buy any of this crap.

Who wants an unfertilized embryo for Easter?
Who wants an unfertilized embryo for Easter?
Photo courtesy candywarehouse.com

10. Cadbury Creme Egg I'm going out on a limb here and proclaiming that Cadbury Creme Eggs are some of the worst candies out there, though I know many would argue the opposite. Allow me to explain. First, each egg contains 150 calories. That's like a serving of ice cream or several big handfuls of popcorn. Second, they look gross. Bite through the chocolate shell and you're treated to a "creme" filling intended to resemble a raw egg white and yolk. 'Cause when I think delicious, I think raw eggs. Unfortunately, the white part resembles certain bodily fluids much more than it does actual egg white. And it's cloyingly, almost unbearably sweet. I challenge you to eat an entire Cadbury egg in less than a minute without going into diabetic shock.

Give me a plain, roasted almond over this crap any day.
Give me a plain, roasted almond over this crap any day.

9. Jordan Almonds Hey kids, who wants to break a tooth? Because that's a distinct possibility when you bite into an accursed Jordan almond, a tasty-sounding treat that's simply an almond coated in sugar. Too bad the sugar coating tastes more like chalk than anything found in a kitchen, and the almonds contained within are generally flavorless. The reason they're considered an Easter candy even though they can be purchased year-round is that they're pastel-colored. And that's about it. I guess they're sort of egg-shaped, too, but in reality, Jordan almonds have about as much to do with Easter as a pebble. (The pebble might taste better, though.)

The story continues on the next page.



Sponsor Content

Newsletters

All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories
    Send:

Newsletters

All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >