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Top 5 Nastiest Fast-Food Desserts (Who Came Up With These Atrocious Foods?)

McDonald's apple pie: better left in the box.
McDonald's apple pie: better left in the box.
Photo by pchow98

As Christina Uticone has so skillfully showed us, not all fast food is created equal. And the good, the bad and the ugly can also be found in the dessert section of the menu. Here are my top 5 nastiest fast-food desserts.

5. Apple Pie (McDonald's). Not the worst, but could be better. Could be a lot better. As a child I heard a rumor that McDonald's used raw chopped potatoes instead of apples in their pies. The fact that I believed this assertion testifies not so much to my juvenile gullibility but rather to the pie's suspect interior fruit texture.

4. Pineapple Cream Cheese Pie (Long John Silver's). The crust is tolerable, the filling ghastly. Seriously, pineapple is the fruit they choose to combine with cream cheese? Go back to the kitchen, Captain Silver, and test cherry, strawberry, raspberry, etc., and then we'll talk.

Taco Bell Cinnabon Delights will make you want to run away from the border.
Taco Bell Cinnabon Delights will make you want to run away from the border.
Photo by theimpulsivebuy

3. Chocolate Chip Cake (KFC). If told this dessert was vegan, the average person would say "not bad" given the general public's (erroneously) low expectations for cruelty-free desserts. But clearly, Kentucky Fried Chicken is all about using animal products, though there are none that you might recognize (butter? eggs?) in this impossibly dry "chocolate" chip bundt cake.

2. Cinnabon Delights (Taco Bell). Why Cinnabon signed off on those dough turds stuffed with saccharine Cinnabon® frosting and dusted with Cinnabon® Makara cinnamon sugar is beyond me. They in no way resemble a cinnamon roll and are hardly delightful. What a waste of a registered trademark.

1. Bavarian Dessert Pizza (Cici's). I'm all for fusing food genres, but in the case of pizza and bavarian cream, well, that's a pissert (pizza + dessert -- see what I did there?) I just can't get behind. With little besides white bread and sugar, there's not much in terms of a flavor profile (toast smeared with store icing might yield more sophisticated notes), and the appearance is that of a naked effete pizza pie. Pass.


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