Top Ten: Stoner Foods
So the word on the street is that food tastes better when you're stoned. I'm just guessin' though -- I would never engage in anything illegal like smoking The Pot! Swearsies. I hit up the Internet -- and a few of my favorite potheads -- to bring you this list of Top Ten Stoner Foods. Some of my
old smoking buddies research subjects were even high when I interviewed them, which I think lends this blog post a lot of authenticity. Man.
One thing I learned about the topic of stoner foods: People really care about it. There are entire blogs dedicated to stoner foods. And a cookbook, too. There are scads of articles and forums dedicated to the discussion of what foods are the best to eat after marijuana consumption. I even found an article in which the cast of The Big Lebowski talks turkey about the best stoner grub.
The results? A list that includes sweet and salty, healthy and decidedly-less-healthy, hot and cold, fast and slow foods. My stoner buds did share two universal truths with me: 1. Munchies are great, but eating kills your buzz, so catching another in the post-munchie frenzy is always in order. 2. To quote a friend: "Oh man. The thing is ... everything tastes good when you're stoned! Just eat."
10. Chinese Take-out
Crab Rangoon, anyone? There is something about the way Chinese take-out combines sweet, savory, and salty that makes stoners swoon. Plus it's cheap, so you have enough left over for more weed.
9. Macaroni & Cheese
For some, a box of Kraft will do; others prefer the homemade version. I suppose your preference depends on a variety of factors, from your ability to stay motivated and productive while high, to the number of ingredients -- including weed, to keep you busy while you cook -- on hand.
No fuss, little muss. Doritos, salt-and-vinegar potato chips, and Harvest Cheddar Sun Chips lend themselves to satisfying over-consumption. Dip optional -- but delicious.
7. Ice cream
My survey cited Ben & Jerry's as the most popular brand, although I suspect native Texans will vote Blue Bell. For my money, I prefer to find Sweet Cream flavored ice cream (not vanilla!) and decorate it pretty with things like peanut butter, Nutella, fresh fruit. I mean, when I'm in the mood for ice cream, that is.
I was shocked to find that Oreos crushed chocolate chip as the most-cited stoner cookie. One responder with a love for Oreos cited the addition of Nutella to put it over the top; another told me Oreos crushed over ice cream (#7) is the only way to go.
5. Taco Bell
A stoner staple, right? There is something for everyone at TB: ooey, gooey, cheesy, crunchy, salty. So what if the meat isn't "really" meat -- your appetite isn't quite real, either. Taco Bell is practically the official sponsor of marijuana-induced appetites.
4. Breakfast Foods
Breakfast foods in general are popular stoner foods, with cereal specifically topping the category. IRL responses and online sources report Cinnamon Toast Crunch at the top of the stoner cereal list. Stoners who are also health nuts might like the recipe for oatmeal in this article -- it sounds so good I want to get high just to eat it. One of my favorite pot heads told me that Belgian waffles with ice cream are her favorite go-to stoned snack.
Some assembly required makes nachos distinct from mere "chips" on the list of best stoner foods.
The burger is customizable, and easy to make or find. Whether you like sliders or big old monster burgers, the burger and bun are the canvas and the toppings allow each stoner to make his or her own munchie dream come true.
Nine out of ten potheads agree: pizza is the best stoner food available. Your favorite delivery pie will do, but one stoner source prefers homemade: "French bread pizza with Don Pepino pizza sauce, STRICTLY!" he writes in response to my query. Don Pepino, widely available in the Northeast, is available to Houstonians at the Downtown Spec's location. Cold pizza is another popular variation on the theme; a friend assured me that a splash or six of hot sauce sends cold pizza over the top for stoned taste buds.
How about you, upstanding EOW readers? Got any suggestions on munchie foods for the stoned among us?
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