Try These 5 Awesomely Outrageous Burgers in Houston

We don't care what the haters say: fried eggs belong on burgers.
We don't care what the haters say: fried eggs belong on burgers.
Photo by Troy Fields

It's no surprise that we love us some burgers at Eating...Our Words. And while, sure, we could go talk about classic cheeseburgers -- what's the fun in that? Here are 5 Massively Outrageous Burgers to try:

See also: Try These Five Monster Sandwiches Try These 5 Absolutely Loaded Pizzas Try These 5 Absolutely Loaded Fries Try These 5 Chili-Smothered Dishes

What: Squirrel Master Burger Where to get it: Cottonwood

As if a heap of bacon, melted pepperjack cheese, and an oozing, jalapeño-studded fried egg didn't already take this burger over the top, the beer bar stuffs the plump, hand-formed patty with poblanos before giving it a nice, dark sear and serving it with a pile of crisp fries. We'd call that a win.

Meltingly tender pastrami makes this burger extra delicious.
Meltingly tender pastrami makes this burger extra delicious.
Photo by KC Taffinder

What: Pastrami Burger Where to find it: J.P.'s Grill

All the burgers at Spring spot are made with 100 percent Angus beef and a whole lotta love, but we can't help loving the pastrami, mushroom, and swiss-topped Pastrami Burger ($10.75) the most. The Russian-dressing-slathered beef bomb is the perfect mix between a burger and a deli sandwich.

Hope you're hungry...
Hope you're hungry...
Photo from Pistolero's.

What: Bad Ass Hamba-Torta Where to get it: Pistolero's

Warning: You'll need more than a few napkins if you plan on taking down the Bad Ass Hambur-Torta ($12.95) from this Montrose tequila bar. The sloppy burger comes 6-inches tall and with a giant steak knife spiked through the center. That's to hold in all of beef, bacon, sautéed mushrooms, onions and peppers, jalapeños, pickles, fried egg, and avocado stuffed inside. Oh, and the queso, chipotle aoili, and cumin-dusted fries, too.

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Lankford's burger is so beautiful we could cry.
Lankford's burger is so beautiful we could cry.
Photo by Troy Fields

What: Grim Burger Where to get it: Lankford Grocery and Market

Lankford is a Houston institution for many reasons. And this seriously good, massive-as-all-hell burger is just one of them. Positively loaded creamy mac and cheese, jalapenos, bacon, and a fried egg, the Grim Burger ($9.25) is like a fat kid's heaven. Pro tip: if spice is your thing, try the habanero-sauce-slathered Firehouse Burger...we dare you.

Don't even try to pick this one up.
Don't even try to pick this one up.
Photo by Erika Ray

What: Chili Burger Where: Christian's Tailgate

You'll need a fork and knife for this one: the 1/2 lb beef bomb ($9.99) is served open faced. Mostly because there is so much saucy chili, cheddar cheese, jalapeños, and onions smothered on top that the kitchen couldn't possibly serve it closed.

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Cottonwood
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Lankford Grocery and Market

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