Last week when we gave Kesha a bloggardly shellacking, we compared her and other female pop stars of her ilk to burritos. You may remember we said she was a gas-station burrito and Miley Cyrus was a Big Mac wrap. It was either a stroke of genius or the starved ramblings of a music writer subsisting on bananas and coffee.
Which got us to thinking that if other musical artists were foods, what would they be? Blame the fact that we now share a cubicle with the new food editor, but it has been in our brain lately, even if it's just Popeye's Chicken and the random bag of vinegar chips that shows up in the newsroom.
Believe us, it's hard to equate food with music without feeling like a total fat-ass. Especially listening to the following ten performers.
Prince = Raspberry Sherbet
All we think of when we think of the Purple One is raspberry sherbet. Light, airy, prone to quickly melting, a favorite of people who don't have the balls to eat real ice cream. It comes in that clear plastic tub. It looks like something in the back of your grandmothers freezer.
Bruce Springsteen = McDonald's Quarter Pounder Combo
The Boss reminds us of McDonald's, living off the backs of the workers but tasting really great. Bruce Springsteen is for the people, singing about real-life problems. Don't you hate it when you are a state trooper and your brother is a hood? Bruce is a Double Quarter Pounder, super-size fries and a large Coke, eaten while watching the World Series.
ZZ Top = Barbecue Plate With All The Fixins
Frank, Billy, and Dusty are a hulking plate of barbecue with two sides from a smoky roadside joint on Highway 71. Sure, let's say in La Grange for added effect. A heap of potato salad with another pile of cole slaw thrown down. Screw that sauce on the side bullshit; pour a cup over your sausage and brisket. Get extra bread to soak it all up. Put a big plug of Copenhagen in your mouth for dessert.
Motorhead = Cocoa Puffs
We really like Motorhead, but the only thing we can say here is Cocoa Puffs. We get it, yes Lemmy has a huge mole on his face that looks like cereal. We knew that before Beavis & Butthead told us this in 1993.
