What Would Saved by the Bell's The Max Be Like Today?
The "Turtle" is now one of Screech's signature CrossFit moves.
During a relaxing champagne bubblebath, I dreamt up a 2k13 version of The Peach Pit from Beverly Hills, 90210. Well, that "fan fiction" wasn't the end for me. Instead, it got me thinking about another '90s cult hit hangout -- The Max from Saved by the Bell.
Here's what I'm fairly positive The Max would look like today:
After several stints in rehab and a few years of holistic therapy, Max came to terms with the fact that he wasn't actually a magician but instead a serious meth addict with a rather unfortunate haircut. With a new, sober look on life, he shaved his head and completed a 60-day juice cleanse to lose the 50-odd pounds he'd gained coming off of his addiction.
Following a suggestion from his life coach/sponsor, Mr. Belding, he rebranded his business to fit his new clean lifestyle. Take It To The Maxx is Bayside's first dual-concept restaurant/exercise center: a full-service Organic Juice Bar and Cross-Fit Gym in one.
Members can enjoy prepacked gluten-free and paleo-friendly meals and full access to the gym and juice bar for only $379.95 a month. Maxx's signature Maxxed out menu, designed by Guy Fieri's son Hunter, includes hit items like Bayside Tiger Balls -- turkey bacon-wrapped cauliflower florets -- and the Kettlebell Double Barrel Loaded Meatblast Burger: a kale, açai and blueberry salad topped with a dime-sized 99 percent organic, lean, grass-fed beef patty. Fieri has since revamped his Guy's American Kitchen and Bar menu to model his son's success.
The restaurant's Juice Program is run by farmers'-market-sommelier Jessie Spano, who earned her title after dropping out of Columbia University, citing high pressure and a caffeine pill dependency. Now more successful than ever, she's ready for love...and is about to give her two weeks' notice to compete in the hit reality dating show Ready for Love.
She's so excited, but she's also so scared.
After winning the CrossFit Open with his team, The A.C. Haters, Screech became head instructor at TITTM's TRX CrossFit gym. Often found sporting a "Haterz are my Motivaterz" T-shirt tank designed by his wife Lisa, Screech cited years of bullying as his main reason for getting fit. Unfortunately, in 2012 he tested positive for doping and the gig has since been taken over by his archnemesis and main childhood offender, A.C. Slater. Lisa remains by his side, mostly because she lost all of her money in the Buddy Bands lawsuit brought on by Jessie's lawyers in 2005. Friendship Forever? I think not.
Zack and Kelly Morris are frequent customers and big Maxx supporters. So is their surrogate/live-in girlfriend, Tori Scott.
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