Troy Fields


I come to downtown's fashionable Zula (705 Main Street, 713-227-7052) on a Friday night to meet my esteemed Stirred and Shaken predecessor, a man known by as many names as there are police reports documenting his adventures. Some call him Jason Kerr, others Le Grand Fromage, but around the city he is most commonly called crazy. Tonight Zula's crowded bar features an interesting assortment of downtown Houston nightlife. There's a random hot girl waiting to be hit on, an old couple making out in the corner and several businessmen doing some wheeling and dealing. As a techno version of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" adds a healthy dose of 21st-century pop irony to the scene, we introduce ourselves and I sit down to hear some of Kerr's notoriously hilarious stories. Within ten minutes, I've already heard a tale that includes a Montrose hooker and a Polaroid camera, a fight that ended in a near riot on San Jacinto and a trip in which Kerr drove 10,000 miles cross-country in an RV that eventually burst into flames, all while in possession of a revoked license. Later he tells me about how he introduced himself to his future boss by asking "So...how do you feel about kissing?" and got himself thrown out of the VIP room during a Mötley Crüe concert. After several of bartender Jesse's specialty espresso martinis and more stories, I realize that Kerr is like that character in every '80s movie. You know the one: Chris in Real Genius, Booger in Revenge of the Nerds, Bluto in Animal House. When he arrives, the party has truly started.

1 shot espresso

1 ounce Stoli vanilla vodka



1/4 ounce Kahlúa liqueur

1/4 ounce Starbucks Cream liqueur

1/4 ounce white chocolate

Combine espresso, Stoli vanilla, Kahlüa, Starbucks liqueur and white chocolate in a shaker. Shake vigorously, then pour into chilled martini glass. Grab the fire extinguisher and some bail money.


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