Eleven Reasons Tofu Will Never Be the New Bacon

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When The Feed dared to ask the heretical question Is tofu the new bacon? we responded in kind by creating a list of the top reasons that bacon will always be Elvis and tofu will always be Kenny G.

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Photo courtesy of Archie McPhee

The Basics: Bacon is a food that stands on its own. It doesn’t require the addition of fancy colorings or flavors to make it palatable. It’s intrinsically delicious and enhances any dish. Tofu is a blank slate onto which other flavors are projected. You want it to be chicken? It’s “chicken.” You want it to be beef? It’s “beef.” But without the projection of other food items onto tofu, it’s simply a shell – and an unpalatable one at that.

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Actually, if you're going to *have* to eat tofu, I think that Smart Tofu made of bacon would be both yummy and, well, smart.
Comment by Jim Thompson from Pearland on May 21st, 2009, 12:08 pm
So you think bacon comes off the pig with peppercorns, salt, maple flavoring and applewood smoke?
Comment by tru from Orange on May 21st, 2009, 13:44 pm
I know someone who has lost a front tooth TWICE, from bacon. Can tofu top that?
Comment by F. Jones from Houston on May 21st, 2009, 14:00 pm
F. Jones, I gotta say that sounds like user error.
Comment by Katharine from Houston, TX on May 21st, 2009, 15:59 pm
Oh, come on. Bacon tastes the way it does because it's infused with the flavor of smoke. And, like, tofu, it's just as much a blank slate upon which a flavor is added. In the case of bacon, however, it's just heart-clogging pig fat that's being infused, rather than heart-healthy vegetable fat.

Try Morningstar Farm vegetarian bacon strips if you really enjoy that smoky "bacon flavor." You'll do your health and your family's health a favor.
Comment by mmc2068 from Bay Area on May 21st, 2009, 19:44 pm
Did someone say bacon??? Yo, mad props for mentioning Bacon Skateboards!!
Comment by skatehouston.info from Houston, Tx on May 22nd, 2009, 01:00 am
When dining on uncooked bacon from a hot body as illustrated, is it safe to eat...and may I?
Comment by heyitsbob from Spring on May 22nd, 2009, 08:23 am
What a feeble attempt to get your readers to click through eleven pages of your wretched overkill advertising... a quality publication would show the entire article (such as it is) on a single page.
How pathetic.
Comment by Bozo leClowan from Santa Monica, CA on May 22nd, 2009, 09:29 am
Pasta is a blank thing onto which other flavors are projected. Rice is a blank entity onto which other flavors are projected. Pizza dough is a blank dough onto which other flavors are projected. Cous cous is a blank thing onto which other flavors are projected. Plain bread is a blank thing onto which other flavors are projected. Any kind of grain is a blank group of small things onto which other flavors are projected. Cooking is all about projecting favors onto things. Cooking is reshaping things by means of temperature-changing it and flavor-projecting it.
Comment by federvar from barcelona on May 22nd, 2009, 16:53 pm
bacon has become the new mullet, the inside joke that everybody is patting themselves on the back for being in on. Tofu will never be as ironically popular as bacon and also apples will never be oranges.
Comment by cc from houston on Jun 2nd, 2009, 12:50 pm
Oh come on. the taste you think is bacon is actually chemicals, a tonne of sodium, plus the fact when the pigs are slaughtered do you think the meat is fresh. It is cured so could sit around for days or weeks literally rotting before they add tonnes of crap (literally in some cases) to it.
Tofu may be flavourless but that is the point. You make it into what you want. Plus you are forgetting the reason vegetarians eat tofu (as well as people on healthy diets) is for the nutrition. One small brick of tofu gives you twice as much protein than a large steak would without the sodium, chemicals, cholesterol....and murder!
Comment by Paul from Calgary on Dec 11th, 2009, 16:44 pm