Have you heard about the future according to right-wing freakies Focus on the Family? According to FOF, it will be bleak, full of gays running everything and the Boy Scouts banished from the Earth (along with the Pledge of Allegiance). This is all according to a “Letter from 2012” that Focus put out shortly before the election which apparently aimed to scare people with a vision of what they feared would happen to America if Obama won. Well now Obama has won, and all I can say is, Hey gays, let’s get ready to partay!!!
Anyway, what’s so crazy is that through the magic of time travel, I myself recently encountered a letter from the future from myself…one week into the future, to be exact. Written by me to me, it’s shocking in its revelations. See below:
Miss Pop Rocks,
The keys you are looking for are on the kitchen counter. Yes, you left them there again.
Don’t forget to purchase milk on Friday because otherwise on Saturday when you make breakfast prior to watching Meet the Press, you’ll be forced to say, “Damn it, we’re out of milk.”
About five minutes before leaving for work on Friday, you’ll hear a loud crash coming from the bedroom. Don’t worry, it’s only Mr. Pop Rocks snoring again.
Quick! Quick! At 5:23 on Tuesday, stick a newspaper in front of your cat Linus before he pukes on the carpet.
Don’t eat those leftovers from La Tapatia that you’re not sure are still good or not. Just don’t eat them. Trust me on that.
Kroger has a special on TaB this Wednesday, so hold off on buying until then.
Bring an umbrella on Thursday.
Sincerely,
Miss Pop Rocks
P.S. This letter makes me realize we need to live it up a little more. That or start drinking around noon.
— Jennifer Mathieu
This article appears in Nov 13-19, 2008.