To Beer or Not to Beer

Sporting the motto “Beer Before Breakfast…Death Before Dishonor,” the
Montrose Beer and Gun Club boasts more than 400 members across the country, including
Second Amendment supporter Charlton Heston and local celebrity Dr. Red Duke. Wait
a second. Beer and guns? Together in a club?

“To question the existence of the MBGC is like asking if there is a Santa Claus…or if dreams really do come true,” says the group’s ambiguous Web site.

Started in 1999 by Fred Turton, a recently retired Rudyard’s bartender (who, by the way, was named Bartender of the Year by the Houston Press in 2001), the club has T-shirts, members and an annual party benefiting children with cancer. But an air of mystery surrounds a weekly chronicle about the group’s adventures, written by Turton’s alter ego, Helga Biermeister, club “secretary.”

When asked if any of his stories are based on real events, Turton goes mum. But he will say this: The chronicles “are a primer for what not to do. A lot of the members shoot guns, a lot of them drink beer, none of them do it together.” He continues: “There’re injuries in football. There’re injuries in baseball. When you drink beer and shoot guns, things happen.” Most of the stories highlight humorous mishaps stemming from the unwise mixture of — you guessed it — beer and guns.

For the past year, Drew Bradley, another alter ego of Turton’s, has
read the MBGC chronicles on Spare Change, the KPFT folk music show (noon
to 3 p.m. Saturdays). They’re also posted on the group’s Web site. For information,
visit www.montrosebeerandgunclub.com.
$16 gets you a T-shirt and a lifetime membership card. But a straight answer
from Turton? Not happening. — Mary Specht

SAT 6/28
Proud Tradition Forget the old disco ball that graced the Pride Parade in previous years. This
year’s 25th Anniversary “Silver Celebration” Pride Parade features a 20-foot,
1,000-pound silver chandelier at the corner of Westheimer and Montrose. It should
set the stage nicely for an over-the-top evening. Not to be missed are a fireworks
show and a performance by the Strangerettes, a 42-member, all-drag drill team
from Dallas. Other Pride events include a concert by Dutch dance diva Amber
(1 a.m. at Rich’s, 2401 San Jacinto) and an appearance by Robert Gant from Queer
As Folk (9 p.m. to 2 a.m. South Beach Night Club, 810 Pacific). The parade
kicks off at 8:45 p.m. Saturday, June 28, and runs along Westheimer from Woodhead
to Whitney. For information, call 713-529-6979 or visit www.pridehouston.org.
— Cathy Matusow

WED 7/2
Charlatans Barred The Heinrich Lagerbürger Literary Society is not, strictly speaking, a
literary society. And Mr. Lagerbürger doesn’t even exist. But an interesting
group of writers by that name gets together to discuss their fiction and poetry
each week at Helios. The group was founded by students from the University of
Houston Creative Writing Program. The name’s inspiration: a know-it-all peer
who dominates class discussions, ruining them for everyone else. Last semester,
a few students decided to teach the guy a cruel but necessary lesson. They raved
about the life and work of Lagerbürger, supposedly an obscure German poet
who fled Nazi Germany in the late ’30s. Guess who was soon leading the discussion?
The society meets at 8 p.m. on Wednesdays. All are welcome (except for one guy,
and you know who you are). Helios, 411 Westheimer. For information, call 281-785-1110.
— Scott Nowell

What Would Jesus Eat? Ex-cons and organic veggies at His Soils
Tired of paying $4 for three organically grown tomatoes? You can
name your price and pick them right off the vine at His Soils. Dell York, or
one of the seven ex-convicts who lives in a halfway house he runs next to the
acre-plus garden, will lend you a pair of shears for cutting organic squash,
eggplant, lettuce, tomatoes, peppers, okra and zucchini. Mulch and compost are
also available. The cost: whatever you want to donate to York’s nonprofit project.
“Most people can’t afford organic food,” says York. “Our vision is to make it
affordable.” If you’re broke and hungry, you’re more than welcome to what they
have, but for those of you who aren’t, York quotes Proverbs 28:27: “He who gives
to the poor will lack nothing, but if you close your eyes to them, you receive
many curses.” 8855 Gulf Freeway (right under the 70-foot-tall “Is Jesus Your
Lord?” sign). For information, call 713-941-8000. — Scott Nowell

FRI 6/27
Spaced Out In what looks like an attempt to map the universe, artist-astronomer Russell
Crotty has created an alternate one. Crotty, in his self-built observatory,
views heavenly bodies (constellations, globular clusters) and draws them using
a black ballpoint pen. Then he stretches the drawings over Lucite globes, literally
turning space inside out. Also on view are Crotty’s oversize, journal-like renderings
of the Malibu nighttime landscape, accompanied by written anecdotes and poetry.
The exhibit runs from Friday, June 27, through September 7. Contemporary Arts
Museum, 5216 Montrose, 713-284-8265. Free. — Troy Schulze