Date: March 5
Name: Mary J. Blige
AKA: “One of These Artists is Not Like the Others”
Genre: Neither country nor western
Best Known Song(s): “Real Love,” “Not Gon’ Cry,” “The One (AT&T Dance Remix)”
Key Demographic: Older R&B listeners, Entourage fans who want to impress black chicks
Previous HLSR Appearances: 2002 (and she wasn’t wearing a hat)
Houston Connections, If Any: Has sung duets with Whitney
If You Like This, Chances Are You’ll Like: Fellow RodeoHouston 2010 performers the Black Eyed Peas (maybe)
Odds of Wearing a Hat: 12%, based solely on a cursory Google image search
Because He/She’s Bald? Unlikely.
Odds of Onstage Injury: Low, maybe 10-15%, thanks to the possibly lethal combination of long gowns and heels.
Odds Her Set Lasts Longer than 45 Minutes: .01%
Date: March 6
Name: Jason Aldean
AKA: “The Scruffy One”
Genre: Wuss country
Best Known Song(s): “The Truth,” She’s Country,” “Why”
Key Demographic: Tractor enthusiasts who have never actually ridden one, women who like scraggly beards and earrings but think Capt. Jack Sparrow is too queer
Previous HLSR Appearances: None
Houston Connections, If Any: The original spelling of his middle name is “Aldine,” which is pretty much all we’ve got.
If You Like This, Chances Are You’ll Like: Bryan Adams (but not the earlier, “hard” stuff), that one country-sounding Gin Blossoms song
Odds of Wearing a Hat: 100%
Because He/She’s Bald? Unknown. He’s only 32, but we totally knew this guy in high school who was already 75% hairless. What we mean is, maybe.
Odds of Onstage Injury: Low. Aldean is still young, and therefore has yet to resort to Garth Brooks-style theatrics to keep his audience.
Pending Endorsements: John Deere, Burma-Shave
This article appears in Mar 4-10, 2010.
