Being goth in Houston can be kind of a pain in the ass. Wear black? In this heat? Don’t worry. Today we’re going to walk all the new goths and baby bats through navigating H-Town with some hard-fought wisdom from being a creature of the night for three decades.
10. Parasols and Umbrellas are Not the Same
Nothing keeps you out of the sun in vampiric style like a parasol, but don’t try to substitute it with a regular umbrella. Umbrellas are usually made of nylon and will still let a lot of UV light through, meaning you will burn in the shade. Make sure that you get a proper parasol and check the fabric. Alternatively, big black garden hats are also always in style.
9. Never, Ever Bring a Weapon to Numbers
It’s been 20 years since Brody Darnell was murdered in the goth haven of Numbers, and the people running the club are still very touchy about it. Under no circumstances should you ever enter the club with a weapon, not even a pocketknife or a dull-edged decorative dagger. The only thing that should be razor sharp is your wit.
8. Practice Walking in Your Platform Boots
Big stompy boots are cool, but they take some getting used to. Always practice walking around your home in them first. Slick dance floors, the parking lot of The Raven Tower, and the ruinous sidewalks of Montrose are no place to learn a new center of balance. Also, shoes on before your corset. Always.
7. Pick Up a Hobby
The Houston goth scene has always been crafty, and it’s only getting craftier thanks to Thorn and Moon events. You’ll make a lot of friends if you can connect over art projects or at least appreciation of such things. Barring that, if you or your relatives have some acreage, you can sometimes become the person who supplies animal skulls and bones for local oddities experts. Shout out to my mom in Channelview for being an occasional ethically sourced macabre trinket supplier!
6. Travel in Packs
Every night club scene has sex pests, creeps, and rapists, and goth is no different. Make sure to use the buddy system when out and about. Do not leave water unattended, no matter what gender you are. If someone approaches you and wants you to model for them, always ask if you can bring a friend with you. If they say no, do not go.
5. Nazis
Lots of Houston goths have had dalliances with Nazi aesthetics like jack boots, iron crosses, and stormtrooper hats. That said, it’s 2023. Anyone still doing that shit is probably not someone you can trust. The scene is far more diverse than it has ever been, and there are plenty of ways to be edgy without echoing the increasing fascism of the country.
4. You Can Be Disabled and Still Go to Concerts
It’s a rare goth concert in Houston that isn’t standing room general admission, but don’t let that stop you from attending. Venues like Bayou Place and White Oak Music Hall have dedicated ADA sections with seating near the stage, and they have been a godsend to this old bat and the damage bad decisions have done to my body. Disabled new goths and baby bats may not be aware that this option exists, but it totally does. You can usually bring a plus one, and the staff is always very considerate.
3. Hair in the Heat
The buzzed undercut will save your life in the rampaging Houston heat, especially if you have thick hair. If that’s not your speed, updos look fetching on all genders. For some extra relief, mix rubbing alcohol and your favorite smelling essential oils in a small misting bottle. Spray it on the back of your neck for quick evaporating relief. Store it in your fridge to make it even more refreshing.
2. It’s Not a 24-Hour City Anymore
There’s nothing wrong with sleeping all day and working or partying all night. As climate change comes for us all, it seems like the most reasonable way to live in Houston. That said, the city is far less of a 24-hour location than it was even ten years ago. Few stores or restaurants are open around the clock anymore, so after a night of dancing you’re probably going to end up in the parking lot of Whataburger like everyone else. If you’re going to truly embrace night living, plan your own after-party with leftovers or even a pre-prepped casserole for guests.
1. Goth Does Not Equal White
There are some people who hold onto the platonic idea of a goth looking like Morticia Addams. While we stan a legend, goth comes in all colors, body types, genders, sexual orientations, and creeds. The future of the sub-culture depends on embracing (not tokenizing!) anyone who wants to be spooky without trying to cram them all into the same coffin. Historically, it’s been a white-dominated movement, but that was bullshit then and it would be bullshit to insist on it now. If you like skulls but not diversity, go hang out with the Punisher logo crowd.
This article appears in Jan 1 – Dec 31, 2023.
