Best Bar – Downtown: No Vacancy
No Vacancy joined the array of downtown Houston watering holes and nightclubs this year and brought something sexy to the party. The spacious multipurpose bar has a no-tell motel theme and exacts all the excitement and titillation of its design to naughty nightly fun. The whole low-lit enterprise recalls the narcissism and decadence of the “me” 1970s, an era that predates its young, beautiful clientele but a couple of decades, at least. To emphasize the point, lava lamps adorn the walls, disco music sets the mood and copies of the Kama Sutra and The Guide to Getting it On nudge customers in a freaky direction.
The space is multipurpose because it’s first and foremost a cocktail bar, with stellar versions of the classics nestled snugly against house signatures like Dottie Does Downtown (vodka martini), Red Light Special (a lemon drop with a red wine floater) and the Corn Star Margarita (use your imagination). Upstairs in the uncommon common area, there’s a vanity for fit checks, wigs (so ‘70s but also so TikTok 2026) and a horoscope chart which suggests drinks based on the signs. There’s a hidden, quiet speakeasy downstairs behind drawn curtains for more intimate conversations and encounters (bow chicka wow wow).
Best of all, there’s a trio of private quarters designed like motel rooms which can be reserved by the hour for that hour’s abandoned reservations. Even making the reservation is a bit of a playful tease. Themes include the Prom After Party Suite (Room 420, where partiers do Jell-o shots and play provocative Jenga by truth or daring and never have I ever-ing the enticing suggestions written on the game tiles); the Side Piece Room (XXX flicks on the TV and “Penicillin shots” for those on the DL who check in); and, the Honeymoon Suite, complete with heart shaped spinning bed and mirrored ceilings. If this all sounds like a lot of raunchy fun, it is. Just don’t get too carried away. Our private room concierge told us the bar began occasionally monitoring activity in the private rooms when folks took the hot-sheet hotel theme of No Vacancy a little too far.
713-597-7616